Never ask a woman if you may kiss her.
Instead, learn to read body language.
Neil Strauss
We
try to be careful about what words we use when speaking with others, to avoid
giving the wrong idea or to avoid sending mixed messages. What most people fail
to realize is how much they say without saying a word. How we dress, how we
act, and how we react tells volumes of who we are.
And
please, let’s avoid the tripe comment that you can’t judge a book by its cover.
You CAN read a person if you take the time to actually look at them, observe
them, and understand them. People can easily lie with words, but lying with
their actions is a lot harder. You have to understand how 80% of what people
understand in a conversation is read through the body and not the words.
You might say that you
have to look past the expensive suit, or past the tattoos. But if you learn to
“listen,” these things tell a lot. Does the person look comfortable in the
suit? Is it ill fitted? Does the suit carry him or does he carry the suit? Does
it look like a second skin? And what about tattoos? Are they ill inked blotches
or works of art? What message does the tattoo have? And this goes on to
everything else surrounding the person. Does he walk with confidence, upright
with their head high? Or does he walk with shrugged shoulders? His walk is it
with purpose, or just a random gait.
When you start reading a
person, you can tell almost anything about them. Between the items they choose
to wear and how they behave, a person becomes an open book to a good reader.
And even to a non-reader as well. People unconsciously pick up on these messages.
That’s what they usually confuse with instincts. Just ask any interview coach.
If you still don’t believe me, just remember the dreaded “look” your mother
would give you whenever you messed up.
And here is where the artfulness of non-verbal communication
comes to play. As people don’t realize that you are “talking” to them, they
don’t realize they are listening. That’s the dangerous skill many PUA’s use,
yet it can be used for “good.” You can make people more comfortable with simply
how you sit with them, more confident just by how you stand next to them. You
can complement with a look, flatter with a blush, or even approve with a smile.
Or you can chastise with a raised eyebrow, dismiss with a shrug, or judge with
indifference.
So take care of what message you give, for everything you do
speaks volumes about you.
No comments:
Post a Comment