Fighting Against A Not So Brave New World

You might want to target a girls school which is safer because there are no beta males throwing themselves for their rescue.

Anonymous

See the quote above? It’s not meant to be inspirational but a horrible exposition of our modern society.

The day before the Umpqua College shooting that took 13 people and injured 20 others, it’s believed that the killer headed to the anonymous forum of the university to discuss his intentions. The reaction from several other posters, instead of trying to talk him out of hit or alerting the authorities, was to offer their advice on how to best execute his plan! Again, the same rhetoric that we saw after the Isla Vista shooting in 2014 came up, to go after women as they offer an easier target, but to do this, he needed to avoid “beta males throwing themselves for their rescue.”

Back then I discussed how we as a society create and feed this kind of monsters. I commented how a culture of cowardly infamy and a need to be noticed no matter what provided the perfect breeding ground for this kind of cowardly act. What I didn’t consider back then is how we already have a way to dissuade this kind of events, something that hit me across the face as I read that quote.

…No beta males throwing themselves for their rescue…

I found this quote rather surprising as this behavior is exactly what has been socially defined as the Beta Male.  The Beta Male, as defined by Urban Dictionary, is “an unremarkable, careful man who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma and confidence of the Alpha male.” Yet with that definition, most acts of White Knighting are usually attributed to beta males. Last I checked, throwing yourself in harm’s way to protect others is actually the opposite of “avoids risk and confrontation.”

Unfortunately, the extreme factions within the Feminist movement have promoted the idea that any man stepping up and helping women is an open act of sexist and a promotion of the patriarchy. On the other end of the SJW spectrum, the extreme MRA’s (Men’s Rights Activists) promote the idea that men being told to step up and defend women are actually hurting men as it promotes the idea that a man’s life is worth less than a woman’s.

Just to be clear, neither of these extreme factions represents either the Feminist Movement or the Men’s Right Movement and shouldn’t be used to diminish what both groups do to help gender equality. Now if both movements would try to keep in check and muzzle their more radical members that would be great.

So how can we challenge a word that tells men not to step up? How can we promote the idea that everyone is willing to run and hide, letting evil run rampant? How can we change a world where everyone validates their personal Victimhood as an excuse to commit horrible acts?

The answer is rather simple. By letting the world know you’re not a victim. I’m not talking about walking around with an assault rifle flung over your shoulder. In truth, I view that as an act of promoting the notion of victimhood as you believe it will keep you from being a victim. I am talking about having the moral fiber and the character to do moral acts no matter what society tells you. It’s about speaking up and standing up when they want you to sit down and be quiet. It’s about keeping your warrior spirit alive when everyone wants you to kill it off. It’s about wearing that White Knight Armour proudly. 

The Cult to Averageness and the Persecution of Excellence

You have competition every day because you set such high standards for yourself that you have to go out every day and live up to that.

Michael Jordan

The last few weeks, we have seen social media buzzing with the wonders of the “Dad-Body” as the new fad in male body types. In most cases, I usually ignore internet fads, as they tend to be as relevant as they are permanent. Yet in this case, I found it more amusing than ever, as this fad in particular, and its resulting discussion, placed yet again the limelight on an aspect of society that has grown within social media’s ability to give the masses a voice;

The Cult to Average and the Persecution of Excellence.

The cult of Average is this idea that we are all good enough. And that’s true, we are. We see it in every aspect, ranging from beauty to intelligence, from financial success to physical fitness. It’s the idea that we are perfect just as we are, and there is no real need to try to be better. It gets to the point where people expect applause and adulation simply for resisting the need to be better! And that’s where it gets really messed up.

In an attempt to resist the “social pressures” to be better, they will condemn anyone who chooses to be better. We see this when in our discourse of “all bodies are beautiful” the follow up is basically “except those who make an effort to look good. They deserve our hate.”  The same goes into every other aspect. We need to demonize anyone who’s successful, anyone who looks good, anyone who’s educated, and the list goes on. We see it in the generalized idea that anyone with physical beauty or fitness must be a narcissist, that genius is accompanied by arrogance or that financial success can only be achieved by having no moral standards.

The amazing thing about this social condemnation of excellence is how being above average is only acceptable when it comes accompanied with acceptable flaws, as if the flaws compensate for the additional efforts of the person. We see it in the socially awkward genius, or the dumb, but lovable, jock, or the clumsy beauty.

All of these negative aspects are assigned to excellence because excellence exposes the averageness of others. Nobody is born in excellence, that’s the result of discipline, dedication, and a lot of effort. The problem is that the same people who profess not being superficial only see the superficial picture. They neither see nor care to see the work that lead to excellence. It’s easy to assume that beauty, physical fitness, or intelligence is only the result of genetics or that artistic or athletic skills are the result of natural talent, or that financial success is the result of getting an inheritance. This attitude only serves as an excuse to minimize the work and effort of those who achieve excellence.

Genetics, natural talent, and, even to a degree, inheritance only benefit you at the starting point. What counts is what you do with what you have. That’s what determines how far you can go. Let’s stop celebrating averageness as the best we can achieve as individuals. Stop assuming that the limitations society places on you are the highest standards you deserve to put on yourself. Effort, discipline, and self-sacrifice will always trump the small minds and insecurities of others.

Talk To Us. The First Of Several Social Skills Surveys.

Asking the right question is more important than knowing the right answer.

Being Caballero

As I mentioned in a previous post, living within any society means that personal interaction is a necessary part of life. Our ability to communicate with each other, to understand other, and to make ourselves understood is vital to living a full life. Some of us however find such interactions challenging or stressful. For some people, navigating within the social nuances becomes as challenging as navigating within a real storm. Their personal mannerisms turn even the most casual interactions into a battle with social norms and individual misunderstandings. In many cases, the characteristics that make a person different from the rest of society or their inability to fully express themselves becomes a source of frustration that lead to feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth. These feelings, so often, manifest in an anti-social attitude or even  into actual violent behavior so common today. 

Previously I had mentioned how we might think we understand a problem, but it’s our own preconceptions that keep us from fully understanding its reality and finding a useful solution. Instead, we assume we understand the problem without really looking at it and end up developing a catch-all solution that only works to make us feel better about how smart we are. The actual results? Those are pretty questionable. 

I want to look at social skills from as many perspectives as possible. Posting up an article or making a workshop based solely on a personal bias or developing a generic solution would be a disservice to all who read our posts. (Not to mention how doing it this way is a pretty arrogant attitude.) So instead of thinking I know what you go through, why not ask? I want to listen to what you have to say and consider how you feel. 

To be able to do this, we are devising a series of surveys based on several aspects on the topic of social skills. We want you to become part of our team; in a way we ask you to become our focus group. These surveys will help us better understand what social challenges our readers go through and how we can best provide advice and service.

The first survey we developed focuses on the general concepts of social skills and its general challenges. Your identity and answers are completely confidential, but will help us develop a better understanding and a clearer image of what others go through. and helping us to produce better content. 

Please, talk to us. We are here to listen. Head over to the first of several surveys and let’s create this path together.

Being Caballero's Survey on Social Skills & Challenges

Never Let The White Knight Die

Since it is so likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage.

C.S. Lewis

A couple of days ago, I came across a news article about how a group of boys proved that being an honorable man is not always a matter of age, but one of choice. These three teens, members of the school basketball team, stopped a game to confront someone bulling a member of their cheer-leading squad, a girl with Down syndrome. From there, the story just becomes truly inspiring, a perfect example of becoming a White Knight. Interestingly enough, the school’s mascot IS a Knight.

Stories like these are really not that rare, men standing up to do the right thing, no matter the cost or the risk to themselves. From a 90 year old veteran willing to go to jail for providing meals to the homeless, the store clerk who was fired for stepping in to help a woman who was being attacked, to 3 young men who died in the Colorado Shooting while shielding their girlfriends from the bullets. All of these are inspiring stories about men stepping up and doing what’s right, no matter the risk. They are also sad stories as in many cases these men pay the price of their good actions.

In the old days, the White Knight would step in and do what’s right. (We also hear the term Knight in Shining Armor. This isn’t talking about a Knight whose armor isn’t battle worn. Shining, Silver, Argent, and White were interchangeable terms referring to honor, purity, and virtue, hence Knight in Shining Armour.) They didn’t do it for glory or gain, as both pursuits were viewed as vile desires. As the days of the knights faded, the term was used to describe anyone who champions a righteous cause, a passionate advocate. (In the business world, a white knight is a company that saves a business from being bought out in a hostile takeover.)

Today? The “Internet White Knight” is used as a pejorative term to describe guys who “rushes in to save a damsel in distress expecting some kind of a romantic reward in return.” This meaning was actually assigned by “guy” sites and forums as a way to shame any man for not following the “guy code” of devaluing women. It became a way to shame men into not standing up against others within the group. The modern idea that chivalry is bad came from the same sites that promote debasing women. Let that sink in for a second.

Gentlemen, you have to understand that every time you do what’s right, you are showing the world what has to be done. Your good deed exposes other people’s indifference. And that bothers them. So instead of stepping up, they will try to knock you down because it’s easier. The world isn’t a nice place when indifference, shaming, selfishness can run rampant yet charity and good will are punished. This isn’t something new, as it has always been this way.

That is why a good man HAS to be a Warrior. He has to be willing to walk the path that isn’t easy. Nobody is born a warrior, as nobody is born without fear. Anyone can choose to be one a warrior, as anyone can choose to stand up in spite of their fear. You choose it when you refuse to stay seated. You choose it when you refuse to back down. You choose it when you stand up when knocked down. You choose it because if not you, who?