Be Tailor-Made

Resistance to the organized mass can be effected only by the man who is as well organized in his individuality as the mass itself.

Carl Jung

As a teenager in full blown rebellion and social angst, I openly try to challenge every single notion that was given to me, to the dismay of my teachers, the principal, and my parents. I challenged every status quo I came with every word and every action. I wanted to break down the chains I felt held back society as I tried to rip off people’s blindfold. I know now that the only reason I was able to get away with that attitude was a combination of my grades, that I was able to argue without becoming aggressive or vulgar, and that they viewed me as an artist. Artists are socially expected to be rebels. At some time during those years, my grandfather sat me down and challenged me with a single question:

If you are an individual, why do you dress and talk like the rest of your friends?

Although I went on a rant as to how I refused to become a drone to a society trying to keep everyone in line, internally I realized something. In my fight to avoid becoming a drone to society, I had become a drone to MY society. I fought what they fought and agreed with what they agreed. In my attempt to avoid seeking the approval of society, I ended up seeking the approval of my niche.

That’s when I started to wake up.

As we are bombarded by people telling us to how to act, how to be, and EVERYTHING we are doing wrong; many times we are made to feel how the only way to fit in is to fit a mold. The reality is that no single mold that fits everyone. So we so often force ourselves into that mold, even if we deny it, simply to feel we are part of something bigger than ourselves. And being part of something bigger than yourself is not only OK, it’s actually something very good to be. The problem is when you stop thinking for yourself as you get assimilated within the group. After a while you lose who you are as you get lost in the crowd. We see this in every aspect of society and the different tribes we belong too.

We see how people defend the indefensible simply because it’s said by the group they identify with. We see how people will condemn good ideas simply because they are said by those you oppose. We see this in politics, religion, social justice issues, and society in general. They will use a magnifying glass over those they oppose yet turn a blind eye to those they support.

And that’s where you have to wake up.

I know that this might sound counterintuitive coming from a person who promotes the Gentleman niche within society. I keep finding myself at odds with some of the other bloggers who promote this contemporary Gentleman’s revival, as they will basically focus on their own view of becoming a Gentleman, one I find myself not agreeing with so often. That is why I try my best to avoid telling you how to specifically act. I simply expose the concepts and the practicality, leaving the means and methods of it to you.

Identifying with a group is fine, but more importantly is for you to identify with yourself. You need to take the time to form your own educated ideals and code of conduct. Create a code that avoids the so often convenient double standards found within so many larger groups. Keep in mind that this will never be a code written in stone. It isn’t that your code changes but rather that it is constantly evolving, as with every day you learn more and with each day you grow more.

If you can’t be faithful to yourself, how can you be faithful to anyone else?

 

Never Let The White Knight Die

Since it is so likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage.

C.S. Lewis

A couple of days ago, I came across a news article about how a group of boys proved that being an honorable man is not always a matter of age, but one of choice. These three teens, members of the school basketball team, stopped a game to confront someone bulling a member of their cheer-leading squad, a girl with Down syndrome. From there, the story just becomes truly inspiring, a perfect example of becoming a White Knight. Interestingly enough, the school’s mascot IS a Knight.

Stories like these are really not that rare, men standing up to do the right thing, no matter the cost or the risk to themselves. From a 90 year old veteran willing to go to jail for providing meals to the homeless, the store clerk who was fired for stepping in to help a woman who was being attacked, to 3 young men who died in the Colorado Shooting while shielding their girlfriends from the bullets. All of these are inspiring stories about men stepping up and doing what’s right, no matter the risk. They are also sad stories as in many cases these men pay the price of their good actions.

In the old days, the White Knight would step in and do what’s right. (We also hear the term Knight in Shining Armor. This isn’t talking about a Knight whose armor isn’t battle worn. Shining, Silver, Argent, and White were interchangeable terms referring to honor, purity, and virtue, hence Knight in Shining Armour.) They didn’t do it for glory or gain, as both pursuits were viewed as vile desires. As the days of the knights faded, the term was used to describe anyone who champions a righteous cause, a passionate advocate. (In the business world, a white knight is a company that saves a business from being bought out in a hostile takeover.)

Today? The “Internet White Knight” is used as a pejorative term to describe guys who “rushes in to save a damsel in distress expecting some kind of a romantic reward in return.” This meaning was actually assigned by “guy” sites and forums as a way to shame any man for not following the “guy code” of devaluing women. It became a way to shame men into not standing up against others within the group. The modern idea that chivalry is bad came from the same sites that promote debasing women. Let that sink in for a second.

Gentlemen, you have to understand that every time you do what’s right, you are showing the world what has to be done. Your good deed exposes other people’s indifference. And that bothers them. So instead of stepping up, they will try to knock you down because it’s easier. The world isn’t a nice place when indifference, shaming, selfishness can run rampant yet charity and good will are punished. This isn’t something new, as it has always been this way.

That is why a good man HAS to be a Warrior. He has to be willing to walk the path that isn’t easy. Nobody is born a warrior, as nobody is born without fear. Anyone can choose to be one a warrior, as anyone can choose to stand up in spite of their fear. You choose it when you refuse to stay seated. You choose it when you refuse to back down. You choose it when you stand up when knocked down. You choose it because if not you, who? 

 

Unreciprocated Love. A Gentleman’s Guide On Friend-Zoning.

The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman’s love with no intention of loving her.

Bob Marley

As the whirlwind of Valentine’s Day dies down, some of you were surprised with the knowledge of someone you didn’t expect has feelings for you. And if you have feelings for them, great. This might mark the start of something more than the friendship it once was. But what if you are not interested in the person past a friendship? What if you don’t want to risk losing what you already have?

And there lies the “FriendZone.”

Plenty has been said about this rather uncomfortable situation, a source of innumerable Memes, where the general assumption is one person wanting a relationship while the other isn’t interested. We have seen plenty of comments and articles from the perspective that of the person friend-zoned should just accept and deal with it. But how can a Gentleman handle this when HE is the one who isn’t interested in a relationship, or at least not with the person who professed their love?

Society has changed and have become a lot more open minded and people tend to have a “take charge” attitude to survive, so a Gentlemen must be willing to understand this and deal with unsolicited approaches from a close friend with the proper attitude and behavior. Women are a lot more willing to let a man know about their feelings and even other men are willing to openly show their romantic interests to a Gentleman. Can we casually dismiss these acts with a “Thanks but no thanks”?

Before you say “Yes,” please take into account the following. It takes a lot of bravery to open up emotionally to someone, especially when you are unsure how they will react. Also consider how people are told that they must “win” over a person, how they must “work” to prove their love or their qualities as a potential partner. Now consider that the person doing this is risking rejection and possibly losing a friend in the process.

That alone takes more bravery to take control of their lives than most people demonstrate in their entire existence, and that alone deserves more respect than “thanks but no thanks.”

With that cleared up, you have to understand that you are not responsible for other people’s emotions. What you ARE responsible is how you handle the situation and how you treat the other person who has just placed themselves in a very vulnerable situation. So with that in mind let’s consider a few things.

There is no hell bad enough for those who lead others on fruitless romantic hopes. That being said, do not get into a relationship you have no intention of having. Consider your words and your actions as you should never give a false hope if you are not interested in the person. Consider how the other person might interpret phrases like “if only I found someone like you” or similar. Consider how the other person might interpret your accepting a gift that basically screams romantic intentions.

Don’t ignore the situation, but also deal with it in a proper manner. Don’t just consider how flattering it is for you, but also how embarrassing it might be for the other person. Please avoid the “you’ll find someone” cliché, as it’s condescending. Avoid complaining to this person about your current relationship, as it just adds salt to the wound. And consider the very real possibility that this person hurts every time you call them “friend.”

The fact that this person IS a friend to you, they deserve all the respect, dignity, understanding, and love you should give a friend.

The Dangerous You

Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily.

Napoleon Bonaparte

I have seen men defeated, I have seen men ashamed of themselves, and I have seen men who feel unworthy. I have also seen a world that does everything in its power to create men like that, to break men into submission. And I know this is true because I have been among these men. And I know this is not how any man was meant to live.

In the depth of this hole, I have also discovered the one of the most important lessons I have learned. You are all alone in this world. People might offer a helping hand, and they might give you support, but after everything is said and done, you are all alone. And that is OK, because you are all you need. You are powerful, and you need to realize it.

And when you finally realize just how powerful you are, you become dangerous to the world, or at least to the world that thrives in breaking men. You realize that you can survive this cruel world, and then world stops being cruel, it stops being a threat to you. The world breaks everyone, but some just become stronger at the broken places.

You stop living for people’s acceptance, so you stop dying from their rejection. You stand tall for yourself. You grow stronger as you realize that you ARE strong. You are no longer willing to let anyone put you down. And this gives you power, yet that’s not what makes you dangerous.

You empathize with those broken because you have been there. You understand those that have fallen as you fell once. And you’ll be damned if you will let it break anyone else without you taking action. You’re strength becomes contagious, becoming inspiration to other men to find their own strength. It’s this empathy, this need to help others and not your strength, which makes you dangerous to a cruel world, as you make it a little less cruel.