Equality is not Sameness

Equality is not in regarding different things similarly; equality is in regarding different things differently.

Tom Robbins

Every time the conversation of gender equality comes up, someone brings up the comment of Gender neutrality. “I teach my son and my daughter the same way.” Personally, I think this is rather irresponsible. Not only does this defeat the entire purpose of equality by stating that they only way they can be equal is if they are the same, but it dismisses the reality of the different challenges boys and girls face. By ignoring the differences, we refuse to accept that there ARE social differences. I extend this attitude to everything, from gender to race, from ethnicity to religion.

As you might have noticed, I am a stout feminist. I am also a strong supporter of social and religious equality and acceptance. This means that everyone is capable of achieving the same greatness, but the paths that they follow will be different. What a man can do to challenge sexism is different than what a woman can do to challenge sexism. What a white person can do to challenge racism is different than what a black person can do to challenge racism. What a Christian can do to challenge religious intolerance is different than what a Muslim or even an atheist can do. And so forth, and so on. This is not because one is better than the other, but because each is faces with different challenges or different privileges within society.

It’s easy to believe in equality, when everyone is the same. That’s denying the differences between each of us. The reality is that every group, even every person, is different. And this is a good thing. We learn and grow by learning about our differences. It, not only creates tolerance, but kills ignorance.

Because it’s not about tolerance. Tolerating something is simply accepting it because you can’t change it. Equality is about embracing our differences, and the differences of others; not simply tolerating them. To achieve this, you need to educate yourself as to the challenges everyone faces, being able to empathize with other people’s challenges. And the only way to do this is to remove the arrogance and ignorance that breeds pettiness and bigotry.

Life is hard. Good!

If you are not new here, you probably have notice that I won’t sugar coat life. A lot of my write-ups are about keeping that fighting spirit alive, about never losing the warrior side of being a Gentleman. Because without it, you won’t survive life.

The reality is that life is hard, and life WILL break you. And this is a good thing. It helps you get rid of all those bad habits you pick up from having an easy life, especially any sense of entitlement you might develop. You learn pretty quickly that life owes you nothing when it takes everything away.

You learn to fight for what you want and you learn to appreciate what you got. You also learn to measure just how much you wants something based on your actions to get it. People love to say how much they want to do this or that, how it’s this or that holding them back. It's easy to lie to yourself if you want to be lied too.

Want to know how much someone wants’s something? Just look at what challenges they overcame to achieve it.

Learn to Ride your Wolf

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.

 Al Capone

If you have spent any time looking over any social media site, you must have come across the tale of the two wolves. If you haven’t, let me give you the cliff notes edition. It tells that within every man there exist two wolves. One wolf is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The moral is that you become the Wolf you feed. And I would agree with the story and it’s emotionally touching moral; except I don’t.

This is a story about the importance of restraint. And I am the first to state the importance of learning to have self-control and restraint. The problem with the story and with most comments out there about restraint is denying the violent side that is part of our nature by starving it. They seem to forget that if you starve a wolf, he becomes dangerously desperate.

We can’t kill off this side of our nature. Anger, hatred, regret, and resentment might seem like negative emotions that should be stamped out as we civilize ourselves. But we can’t, not if we accept our role as warriors. When properly channeled and controlled, these emotions push us to be more than we thought we could be.  They give us the courage to fight a battle we know is already lost, to get back up after we have been knocked down, to stand up to meet a challenge when it would be easier to just sit down. When everyone says that something can’t be done, that something is impossible, it’s these “negative” emotions that let you stand up proud and spout the greatest challenge you can offer the world:

Just watch me.

The problem is placing a bridle over your beast. It’s too easy to fall sway into to the emotions, to fight battles just to prove you can. In these cases, your ego will guide your fist. And that is where you have lost your battle, no matter the outcome. So you must find an outlet for this beast, a release valve. Because life will feed this wolf for you, with every frustration, ever argument, every traffic jam, every idiot holding up a line when you are rushed and every self-centered simpleton you will have to deal with. The wolf will grow and start eating at your soul. So give it an outlet.

Keep in mind that this is not a “Guy Thing.” Women have to deal with their own Beast, as this part of human nature has nothing  to do with gender.

Pick up a physically and mentally demanding hobby, something you can cut loose on. Be it fighting, painting, writing, dancing, or whatever you want. The important aspect when making this choice is that it must be something that requires some level of control. This hobby will work two fold. First, it will give the beast an outlet, keeping it from growing too much. Second, and even more important, it will teach you to call upon your beast when you need him, and be able to keep him under control.

Gandhi said it best when he said “It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence.” And in this life, you will need to call upon your wolf just to survive.

Don’t Fear Becoming a Dangerous Man.

The most dangerous man … is the man who is able to think things out ... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos.

H. L. Mencken

If you look over my articles, I avoid as much as possible establishing rules to follow or even guidelines. Many of the different concepts presented are up to personal interpretation. At best I can give people warnings based on my own mistakes (which have been plenty) or point them to a general direction based on my own path (again, based on my experience, read as the plenty of mistakes mentioned before). Why? Wouldn’t it be easier just to tell you what to do and how to act? Shouldn’t explanations like “Because I say so” and “We have always done it that way” be enough?

NO!

Question everything and everyone, including yourself. Read, think, analyze, and come to your own conclusion. There is a reason for everything, even if that reason is not evident or apparent. Learn to think outside the box. Way to many times people don’t understand a problem because they are actually asking the wrong questions or confusing results with problems.

Be wary of gut feelings and emotional reaction as well as “convenient” analysis, for both are there only to excuse and justify behavior. People tend to react emotionally, assuming that their “heart” is always right. If this is true, emotional manipulations and heartbreak would never be. Also the “convenient” analysis is just as dangerous. You know, the bullshit reasons you use to justify doing the wrong thing.

And accept that you can and will be wrong in your decisions. You will make mistakes and you will have to reconsider previous comments and actions. There is nothing wrong with this. It’s called growth. This attitude and acceptance will keep you humble, but will give you limitless confidence at the same time. When you’re not afraid to be wrong, you can dare to do anything. 

And with that confidence comes empowerment; the ability to challenge every idea and notion that gets regurgitated thoughtlessly by every group of sheep and line followers out there. This empowerment will give you the courage to stand when everyone else is sitting down. It will open your eyes to the truth behind the mysteries of life, letting you conquer what you didn’t even know was there. And it will give you the most dangerous gift that you will have to endure, Personal Liberty, as you realize how hard it is to deal with and how much it will elate you. 

Just remember what Oscar Wilde said, “An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.”

I Carry Loaded Words and I’m Not Afraid to Use Them.

Sometimes, people can be extraordinarily judgmental and closed-minded to anyone different or special, which is why it's so hard for young people in this day and age to be comfortable enough in their own skin to not listen to the people picking on them.

Ariana Grande

As a writer, you have the constant reminder that the sword of Damocles is over your head with every word you type. The reality is that words are powerful and dangerous and the more articulate one is, the more dangerous words become. But unlike the spoken word, where whatever stupidity you spout out is left at the mercy of the wind and memory, the written word is there, constant and eternal, just to remind you what was that stupidity you decided to include in the article, and left there after your third edit. That means I try to be careful as to what words I use, always considering how they might be interpreted.

The three words that I would have never guessed would have caused me the most aggravation are actually the three words that sat at the core of my entire treatise; Lady, Gentleman, and Chivalry. In this article, I will only focus on Lady and Gentleman, since it relates to the idea that I want to express.

Every once in a while, when I used either word in my articles, the reaction by some people was as if I had included a slur as they went into full blown attack mode. That caused me to reconsider using these words, looking for suitable synonyms. Apparently these words held some kind of weighted preconception and prejudice attached to them for some people. So I spent hours and days thinking and mulling for alternatives. Gallantry, Noble Man, Chevalier, Modern Woman, and many others would take the place of a term I found perfectly fine. And I actually began to question if these words held a stigma I was previously unaware of, if they were comparable to swear words or to slurs. But then I realized that slurs originated with the full intent of minimizing and dehumanizing a person while Lady and Gentleman originated with the intent of elevating a person, to show them respect.

And then I realized it. The problem is not the words, but the insecurities of these readers and the judgmental attitude towards anyone not like them. Within their closed-mindedness, they are assigning a negative value simply because they aren’t willing to follow the path of a Lady or of a Gentleman. The fact that I, and so many others do, makes their own self-doubt even more evident and transparent within their eyes, so they attack, as if such an attack would cause their own issues to fade away.

I try to avoid telling people how to walk the path, as each person should decide for themselves how to walk the path. My purpose is simply to make you think, as you have to walk your own path, the one that is best suited for each of you. But what I will not allow is someone’s small mindedness limit the path that I, and so many like me, want to walk. Always remember that equality is not based on sameness, but in respecting, accepting, and appreciating the differences between us.