Fighting Against A Not So Brave New World

You might want to target a girls school which is safer because there are no beta males throwing themselves for their rescue.

Anonymous

See the quote above? It’s not meant to be inspirational but a horrible exposition of our modern society.

The day before the Umpqua College shooting that took 13 people and injured 20 others, it’s believed that the killer headed to the anonymous forum of the university to discuss his intentions. The reaction from several other posters, instead of trying to talk him out of hit or alerting the authorities, was to offer their advice on how to best execute his plan! Again, the same rhetoric that we saw after the Isla Vista shooting in 2014 came up, to go after women as they offer an easier target, but to do this, he needed to avoid “beta males throwing themselves for their rescue.”

Back then I discussed how we as a society create and feed this kind of monsters. I commented how a culture of cowardly infamy and a need to be noticed no matter what provided the perfect breeding ground for this kind of cowardly act. What I didn’t consider back then is how we already have a way to dissuade this kind of events, something that hit me across the face as I read that quote.

…No beta males throwing themselves for their rescue…

I found this quote rather surprising as this behavior is exactly what has been socially defined as the Beta Male.  The Beta Male, as defined by Urban Dictionary, is “an unremarkable, careful man who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma and confidence of the Alpha male.” Yet with that definition, most acts of White Knighting are usually attributed to beta males. Last I checked, throwing yourself in harm’s way to protect others is actually the opposite of “avoids risk and confrontation.”

Unfortunately, the extreme factions within the Feminist movement have promoted the idea that any man stepping up and helping women is an open act of sexist and a promotion of the patriarchy. On the other end of the SJW spectrum, the extreme MRA’s (Men’s Rights Activists) promote the idea that men being told to step up and defend women are actually hurting men as it promotes the idea that a man’s life is worth less than a woman’s.

Just to be clear, neither of these extreme factions represents either the Feminist Movement or the Men’s Right Movement and shouldn’t be used to diminish what both groups do to help gender equality. Now if both movements would try to keep in check and muzzle their more radical members that would be great.

So how can we challenge a word that tells men not to step up? How can we promote the idea that everyone is willing to run and hide, letting evil run rampant? How can we change a world where everyone validates their personal Victimhood as an excuse to commit horrible acts?

The answer is rather simple. By letting the world know you’re not a victim. I’m not talking about walking around with an assault rifle flung over your shoulder. In truth, I view that as an act of promoting the notion of victimhood as you believe it will keep you from being a victim. I am talking about having the moral fiber and the character to do moral acts no matter what society tells you. It’s about speaking up and standing up when they want you to sit down and be quiet. It’s about keeping your warrior spirit alive when everyone wants you to kill it off. It’s about wearing that White Knight Armour proudly. 

I Stand A Proud Man

We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.

C.S. Lewis

The internet is riddled with articles exposing the damaging effects of manhood’s expectations on men, on the toxic behavior that has been not only condoned but rather promoted, as a boy grows into adulthood. We blame masculinity for all the shortcomings of men today, as we try to break away from the shackles of the oppressive restrictions that men place on themselves due to gender. Yet with all this negative implications placed on men, I am left wondering about all the great men, men who have left a legacy to the world, men who prove just how great men can be. That’s when I have to ask myself, is it manhood that is toxic to men, or are we as a society become toxic to men?

You see, for every time you call out the toxicity of masculinity, I am reminded of men willing to go above and beyond to help others because it’s the right thing to do. For every comment of the chains that hold back men, I am reminded of men whose strength of character has helped make this a better world as they are the first to volunteer to be strong. For every time you tell me I should be ashamed of being a man, I stand proud in the knowledge that being a man is nothing to be ashamed of.

It’s funny how every time a man does good, social media views him as a person or an individual, but when a man does wrong, his actions are a reflection of the potential evil within all men. A good man is special and a bad one is proof that all men are the same? Really? Yes, some men are bad, but it’s not because they are men.

It isn’t manhood that has placed toxic expectations on men, but a society that has bread insecure men who feel they need to prove themselves constantly. We are trying so hard to prove how damaging masculinity that we don’t realize it’s our persecution of masculinity that is hurting men. We are creating our own self-fulfilling prophecy about broken men when it’s our own persecution, negative perspectives, and judgmental attitude that are breaking men.

We need to create men who are sure enough of themselves that they see no reason to prove their manhood. And to do this we need to stop attacking manhood. We need to stop promoting the image of a man as one who works a 9 to 5 job, but one that works 24/7 to better his character. We need to stop promoting the idea that a man needs to be the main financial provider as he needs to make more money than his wife, but rather the idea that money doesn’t define the support he gives to his family. We need to stop measuring manhood with a tape line around his bicep, the length of his penis, or the size of his cojones.

We need to stop telling men that they have to attack masculinity as a way to prove they are not being victimized by it. We need to stop telling men that their own personal faults and flaws are not their responsibility as they can blame them on masculinity. We need men who know that they are responsible for themselves and the kind of man they can be!

But to be this kind of man, to understand this kind of manhood, we need to start looking at what men can do and what manhood offers them. Manhood is what gives your life priorities, as you calmly step away from the narcissism and selfishness of childhood. Manhood is defined by what you are willing to do to take care of your family, your friends, and your community. Manhood is defined by the bond you have with brothers you share no blood with. Manhood is defined by what you are willing to do past your own comfort. Manhood is having personal honor and a moral code that defines your behavior more than any laws of the land. Manhood is having the character to hold yourself accountable for your own actions. Manhood is about trying to be a better man for one simple reason, to be able to face life’s challenges proudly on your feet as a man.

Chivalry: Is it Sexist?

Chivalry: It's the little boy that kisses my hand, the young man who holds the door open for me, and the old man who tips his hat to me. None of it is a reflection of me, but a reflection of them.

Donna Lynn Hope

Every couple of months, we will get some kind of post calling out the sexism that is intrinsically attached to Chivalry, sometimes based on the latest study on gender issues, or simply a re-post of a previous one. We have a clear exposition as to the dangers and horrors of social inequality that have been reinforced for centuries by an outdated code of conduct that does little more than reinforce the repression of both men and women as the only reason any man would be chivalrous is to take advantage of his position within society.

The problem with that statement is that it’s pretty damn sexist on its own.

Chivalry is usually condemned as sexist by two specific groups, men who assume that chivalry places a women in a beneficial social position, assuming that it forces male servitude to women, and women who assume that the only reason men are chivalrous is to receive some kind of ulterior motive. Both cases say more about the person complaining than it does about Chivalry. The men assume that treating women with respect is degrading to them. The women assume that the only reason a gentlemen would treat a woman well is to degrade her or to take advantage of her, simply based on his gender. As we can see, sexism (prejudice based on gender) isn’t something exclusive that men do to women.

As a man and a gentleman, I am offended by both assumptions.

Ignoring the fact that those who call out chivalry as sexist do so from an ill-conceived preconception, I think it might be a good idea to actually ask if Chivalry is in fact sexist. For starters, as chivalry is a code of conduct and an ideal, it can’t be sexist. Now, can a chivalrous gentleman be sexist? Yes. You see, sexism isn’t dependent on chivalry, but on the person. Just as much as a woman can. Anyone can be sexist and sexist people will often use ideals and stretches of logic to justify their sexism, as do the racist and the bigot.

But what about all those extra attentions gentlemen offer ladies? Am I going to dismiss that reality? No. Then again, keep in mind that a gentleman doesn’t offer “extra” attentions to ladies; it’s that these attentions are more obvious to the observer. Treating people with respect and honor isn’t as obvious as opening a door or offering a seat in a bus. For this debate, I am going to focus on the logic behind a Gentleman’s actions towards women.

There are innumerous reasons behind said actions. Here I am going to break down some of different reasons gentlemen do them. I will focus beyond the practicality behind chivalry and the security aspect, as I already talked extensively on both cases. If I feel that the logic behind them is sexist, I will gladly admit to it. Do note that these are not the only reasons behind chivalry, as I have constantly tried to illustrate, there are as many paths to chivalry as there are chivalrous men.

The Sexist Gentleman.

This is the well-mannered, impeccably dressed, twin brother of the chauvinist pig of a man. They do exist, and are pretty much my main nemesis as they give the rest of us a bad name. He assumes that women are less than men and will uses chivalry as a tool for superiority. These men aren’t gentlemen. They simply act like one.

The Feminist Gentleman

Women have to deal with a lot of inequality and injustices from society and less scrupulous men. The gentleman views his actions as a way to compensate for what women must endure. Their actions become a leveling device, as they become an agent of equity.

The Equalist Gentleman

We assume that Gentlemen treat women with special treatment. This would be true, if it wasn’t that said special treatment is extended to EVERYONE except other men of equal standing. Is it because we assume that men of equal standing are better? No. It’s because we assume that men of equal standing should be just as chivalrous as us. We hold them to the same standards and expectations we hold ourselves, and that’s usually a lot higher than what we expect from anyone else.

The Serviceable Gentleman

A gentleman serves. It has always been this way. He serves his community, his family, his country, and his ideals. That’s what a gentleman does. So why should he stop serving someone simply because they are a woman? Do note that there is a world of difference between service and servitude. He stands strong by someone’s side, but never grovels by someone’s feet.

The Shameful Gentleman

Similar to the Feminist Gentleman, the gentleman is actually ashamed of the actions of other men. Their actions are in a way penance for their gender as they try to prove that not all men are “like that.” Many times, this is the result of having been exposed to the hurt that men can cause women.

The Respectful Gentleman

Believe it or not, this one, by definition is actually sexist. Gentlemen treat women from the starting point and notion that women should be respected because they are women. “Treat her like a princess because you were raised by a Queen.” This is usually the result of a man being raised by proper women role models. These gentlemen tend to assume that all women will measure up to the standards set by the women who helped shape them as men. Their actions are guided as a sign of respect towards the women in question.

The Romanceer Gentleman

This is another that falls on the “sexist by definition” category. It isn’t that they view women as inferior, but rather they view women as beautiful and tend to place them on a pedestal. Keep in mind that these men don’t focus these actions to “pretty women” only, but rather look for the beauty is ALL women.

The Simple Gentleman

The simplest explanation for these acts is simply because the man was raised with manners. There is no hidden agenda, no philosophical logic, and no profound insight. The man was simply raise with manners, and these manners align with chivalry, plain and simple. Why do we need to overcomplicate everything in life?

As I mentioned at the beginning, chivalry isn’t sexist and if a man is sexist, it isn’t because of chivalry. I can almost hear the cries of “I am civil to everyone, irrelevant to their gender.” The reality is that so is the Gentleman. Just because you choose to ignore everything else a gentleman does simply to focus on what you can use to support your click-bait article, doesn’t take away from what he does for those around him.