We make men without chests and
expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find
traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.
C.S.
Lewis
The internet is riddled with
articles exposing the damaging effects of manhood’s expectations on men, on the
toxic behavior that has been not only condoned but rather promoted, as a boy
grows into adulthood. We blame masculinity for all the shortcomings of men
today, as we try to break away from the shackles of the oppressive restrictions
that men place on themselves due to gender. Yet with all this negative
implications placed on men, I am left wondering about all the great men, men
who have left a legacy to the world, men who prove just how great men can be.
That’s when I have to ask myself, is it manhood that is toxic to men, or are we
as a society become toxic to men?
You see, for every time you call out
the toxicity of masculinity, I am reminded of men willing to go above and
beyond to help others because it’s the right thing to do. For every comment of
the chains that hold back men, I am reminded of men whose strength of character
has helped make this a better world as they are the first to volunteer to be
strong. For every time you tell me I should be ashamed of being a man, I stand
proud in the knowledge that being a man is nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s funny how every time a man does
good, social media views him as a person or an individual, but when a man does
wrong, his actions are a reflection of the potential evil within all men. A
good man is special and a bad one is proof that all men are the same? Really?
Yes, some men are bad, but it’s not because they are men.
It isn’t manhood that has placed
toxic expectations on men, but a society that has bread insecure men who feel
they need to prove themselves constantly. We are trying so hard to prove how
damaging masculinity that we don’t realize it’s our persecution of masculinity
that is hurting men. We are creating our own self-fulfilling prophecy about broken
men when it’s our own persecution, negative perspectives, and judgmental
attitude that are breaking men.
We need to create men who are sure
enough of themselves that they see no reason to prove their manhood. And to do
this we need to stop attacking manhood. We need to stop promoting the image of
a man as one who works a 9 to 5 job, but one that works 24/7 to better his
character. We need to stop promoting the idea that a man needs to be the main
financial provider as he needs to make more money than his wife, but rather the
idea that money doesn’t define the support he gives to his family. We need to
stop measuring manhood with a tape line around his bicep, the length of his
penis, or the size of his cojones.
We need to stop telling men that
they have to attack masculinity as a way to prove they are not being victimized
by it. We need to stop telling men that their own personal faults and flaws are
not their responsibility as they can blame them on masculinity. We need men who
know that they are responsible for themselves and the kind of man they can be!
But to be this kind of man, to
understand this kind of manhood, we need to start looking at what men can do
and what manhood offers them. Manhood is what gives your life priorities, as
you calmly step away from the narcissism and selfishness of childhood. Manhood
is defined by what you are willing to do to take care of your family, your
friends, and your community. Manhood is defined by the bond you have with
brothers you share no blood with. Manhood is defined by what you are willing to
do past your own comfort. Manhood is having personal honor and a moral code
that defines your behavior more than any laws of the land. Manhood is having
the character to hold yourself accountable for your own actions. Manhood is
about trying to be a better man for one simple reason, to be able to face
life’s challenges proudly on your feet as a man.
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