Your children are not your
children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They
came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong
not to you.
Khalil
Gibran
One of the first lessons a father
has to learn is that his son is his own person, that we cannot expect them to
simply be a do-over of who we are. They will grow up with their own interests,
their own dreams and their own desires. And we, as fathers, should respect
these dreams as they are the stuff that will fuel the man your son is meant to
be. This means giving them the space to spread their wings and make their own
mistakes. Even if we say we don’t want to force our sons to continue your
journey where you left off, we have to be careful and weary of our actions and
approvals. How often do you tell him he is his own person, yet your reactions
and encouragement say something else?
As a father, this is not always
easy.
So, if your son is not to follow
suit on your experience, what can you teach him? When your son’s road is completely
different from your personal experience, how can you be there for him? How can
you guide your son without telling him who to be? Simple. Show him what kind of
man he should be.
We tend to tell our sons how to act,
how to behave, yet our own actions are far from what the expectations we place
on them. How can you tell them to be honest, yet we constantly lie to those
close to us. We tell them that stealing is wrong, yet we do it every time we can in the way we conduct our business and do our taxes. We tell them to stand up to the bully, yet we remain seated and
silent when confronted with injustice. We tell them never to be an abuser, yet
will take any opportunity place in front of us as a way to strut our own power
over others. We constantly teach under the ideology of “do as I say, not as I
do.” There’s a word for this kind of behavior.
Hypocrite.
If you want a son who is honest,
show him what an honest man looks like. If you want him to stand for himself,
show him what a man standing looks like. If you want a son who grows up into a
man you can be proud of, be a man he can be proud of. Stop telling your son who
he needs to be, but rather show him the kind of man you want him to become.
Whatever path he chooses after that,
he will walk it with the character and virtues founded on the example you set.
Sure, he might not become a doctor, or a ball player, or your heir to the
family business. What he will be is a man who can make the world a little
better than it was before. I think that is something the world needs more off.
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