Manhood is the defeat of
childhood narcissism.
David
Gilmore
I will be the first to admit that I
wasn’t the easiest kid to deal with. Then again, I’m not the easiest adult to
deal with either. But for all my attitude and possible arrogance, one of my
mother’s lessons always stuck with me. “If you want to be treated like a grown
man, behave like a grown man.” If I had the big boy pants to try to do
something, I had to deal with the big boy consequences of what I did. Simple
enough, right?
Some time ago, the internet went on
a buzz as we began to demonize the phrase “Man Up.” SJW went on rants as how
this phrase was used to instill toxic expectations on men and how the marketing
media would use it to manipulate us by telling us what beer “Men” drank, what was
“Manly” clothing, or what truck you had to own to be a “Real Man.” Videos and
posts were shared as we went on a crusade to get rid of that degrading idea, as
we realized just how evil “Man Up” is…
Till we all rejoiced how a young
woman within an animated movie proved just how empowering "Man Up" is, or rather
how powerful Woman Up is. You see, Man Up or Woman Up is really about Standing Up
for yourself, about growing up into your responsibilities, about being
accountable for your actions. We see this in the character’s take charge
attitude as she is no damsel in distress. She became a role model for girls, as
she showed just how strong a strong woman is.
And this theme has been repeated
over and over as motivational and empowering ideals for girls and women. “Put
on your big girl panties and deal with it.” Girls are taught that it’s ok to
cry, just as long as you than pull yourself together and come back stronger.
The result of this message? Women who take charge and take no shit.
So then, if it’s such an empowering
message to give to girls, one that has enormous results in providing a positive
reinforcement in their development, why do we dismiss it and even demonize it
when said to men? Because that would mean that men need to GROW THE (Insert appropriate
swear word here) UP! It would mean that they need to take responsibility and
accountability for their actions. It means that they can’t blame anyone else
for their failures or justify not doing anything because “it’s too hard.”
Gentlemen, nobody is telling you it’s
unmanly to be knocked down. Nobody is telling you it’s unmanly to ask for help.
Nobody is even telling you it’s unmanly to even cry. What we are telling you is
that life is hard. That it will knock you down. That you will have to ask for
help and you will even cry every once in a while. That’s life. What you can’t
do is stay knocked down, or shell in your own shame to avoid asking for help or
let your pity party keep you from moving forward. And to do that you have to
put on your grown up pants and belt. You need to deal with grown up problems
like a grown up. And you need to stop acting like a boy and Man Up!
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