Fighting Against A Not So Brave New World

You might want to target a girls school which is safer because there are no beta males throwing themselves for their rescue.

Anonymous

See the quote above? It’s not meant to be inspirational but a horrible exposition of our modern society.

The day before the Umpqua College shooting that took 13 people and injured 20 others, it’s believed that the killer headed to the anonymous forum of the university to discuss his intentions. The reaction from several other posters, instead of trying to talk him out of hit or alerting the authorities, was to offer their advice on how to best execute his plan! Again, the same rhetoric that we saw after the Isla Vista shooting in 2014 came up, to go after women as they offer an easier target, but to do this, he needed to avoid “beta males throwing themselves for their rescue.”

Back then I discussed how we as a society create and feed this kind of monsters. I commented how a culture of cowardly infamy and a need to be noticed no matter what provided the perfect breeding ground for this kind of cowardly act. What I didn’t consider back then is how we already have a way to dissuade this kind of events, something that hit me across the face as I read that quote.

…No beta males throwing themselves for their rescue…

I found this quote rather surprising as this behavior is exactly what has been socially defined as the Beta Male.  The Beta Male, as defined by Urban Dictionary, is “an unremarkable, careful man who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma and confidence of the Alpha male.” Yet with that definition, most acts of White Knighting are usually attributed to beta males. Last I checked, throwing yourself in harm’s way to protect others is actually the opposite of “avoids risk and confrontation.”

Unfortunately, the extreme factions within the Feminist movement have promoted the idea that any man stepping up and helping women is an open act of sexist and a promotion of the patriarchy. On the other end of the SJW spectrum, the extreme MRA’s (Men’s Rights Activists) promote the idea that men being told to step up and defend women are actually hurting men as it promotes the idea that a man’s life is worth less than a woman’s.

Just to be clear, neither of these extreme factions represents either the Feminist Movement or the Men’s Right Movement and shouldn’t be used to diminish what both groups do to help gender equality. Now if both movements would try to keep in check and muzzle their more radical members that would be great.

So how can we challenge a word that tells men not to step up? How can we promote the idea that everyone is willing to run and hide, letting evil run rampant? How can we change a world where everyone validates their personal Victimhood as an excuse to commit horrible acts?

The answer is rather simple. By letting the world know you’re not a victim. I’m not talking about walking around with an assault rifle flung over your shoulder. In truth, I view that as an act of promoting the notion of victimhood as you believe it will keep you from being a victim. I am talking about having the moral fiber and the character to do moral acts no matter what society tells you. It’s about speaking up and standing up when they want you to sit down and be quiet. It’s about keeping your warrior spirit alive when everyone wants you to kill it off. It’s about wearing that White Knight Armour proudly. 

Questioning the Term Patriarch, Becoming a Don

I take some pride in... representing myself exactly how I would like to have my son remember me to his kids.

Robert Downey Jr.

Hopefully, we live in changing times, where our gender or race or ethnicity shouldn’t determine what opportunities, privileges, and limitations are imposed on us. So any social movement that challenges inequality and intolerance should be challenged and brought down. So why is it that every time I hear about bringing down the patriarchy, I end up with feeling angry, self-doubt, demeaned, and dehumanized? And till today I didn’t really understand why.

I know that you are probably thinking it’s just a guy being defensive based on cultural and social programing defending his position of privilege within a society. If you haven’t read any of my other comments on feminism and gender equality, that might be a simple quick assumption. I thought it stemmed from a feeling that the word Patriarchy placed the burden solely on men’s shoulders and it promoted division between men and women. In my eyes, blaming the current state of affairs on the patriarchy promoted the idea that gender inequality was caused exclusively by men, and men didn’t suffer within it. But after reading a post by fellow writer this morning I realized that my anger didn’t come from being a man, but from being a father.

Many people use the word Patriarchy to define a system where men hold power and women are largely excluded from it and repressed by it. This is probably the most acceptable definition within the debate. But for me, and apparently several others, that is not how I view the word Patriarchy. Sexism and gender inequality is real, but for many years Patriarchy held another meaning. It literally means ruling father, a government where leaders behaved like fathers to the people, and society becomes an extended family.

I had the blessing of growing up within a strong Patriarchy, but not the kind ranted against. I grew up in a Patriarchy that taught me respect, honor, and accountability to my family and my community. My Grandfather led his businesses, his community, and the family the same way, by example, expecting everyone to do their best, and offering compassion to those in need. In his eyes, everyone was equally deserving of respect, no matter what social position they held.

Don Edwin owned several businesses in the town, but his pride was his little Café/Bar, where he could sit down and talk with everyone. I saw him serve lunch to homeless man, offering him the same dignity as when he sat down for coffee with the town’s mayor. I saw him walk up to someone and discretely lend money because he found out they couldn’t pay their bills or so their kids could go off to college. I saw him give work to people ex-cons and ex-drug addicts, people no one else would hire. I saw him help a couple his waitresses get out of abusive relationships. In that coffee shop I saw more people helped and more charity than in any missionary service.

You would think that growing with such a man would have made my life easy. Not really. It meant I had really big shoes to fill. I was Don Edwin’s grandson, and that meant constantly needed to prove I was worthy of the position. That’s what so many men suffering from entitlement don’t get, you can’t inherit respect.

You might easily dismiss this view of Patriarchy as simply defined by being a leader. The reality is that leading this way involves love; to a family or community. It’s about treating those with respect, leading by example, and serving as support to those around you. It’s about striving to be wise enough, experienced enough, tempered enough, and compassionate enough that you earn people’s respect, becoming a role model for those around you. This kind of leader is slowly disappearing, as we struggle to find even a few proper male role models within society is so eager to question any man’s intentions and even capability as a human, simply because of his gender.

To this day I strive to become even half the man he was. And every day I pray when my time comes to take the mantle of Patriarch, I am able to fill those shoes.

The interesting twist to this story is that when my grandfather passed away, the position of authority fell upon my mother, Doña Edna. You know how you call a Patriarchy with a woman leading it? A Matriarchy.

She was just as impressive as her father.