The Soulful Gentleman

(Note: This post will deal with spirituality and soulfulness from a creative point of view. I am not going to deal with actual religions or faith, but rather mention the soul as the core of the creative process and beauty as a source of inspiration to the soul. With that clear, let’s start.)

Beauty awakens the soul to act.

Dante Alighieri

We have heard time and time again about the importance of having a balance between the mind and the body. You strengthen your body and educate your mind, pretty simple. Yet some other philosophies add a third element to the equation, the spirit. Yet this is a topic most people would rather avoid to avoid the dangerous waters of a conversation about religion or having your beliefs questioned when considering the aspects of spirituality in a world that prizes “practicality.” Yet, by avoiding this important conversation and by prizing practicality we set ourselves up for an unfulfilling and soulless existence that we simply can’t understand.

We can’t understand it simply because we forgot to learn that beauty is the food for the soul. Men are told to be practical, to the point of almost vulgar. Since our birth, we are told over and over how being inspired, being creative, or simply being in awe of the world we live in is a weakness that must be purged from our body.

Be strong, be tough. Art? That’s for wimps. Delicate beauty? You’re tough and you must only like tough things. Sit down, have a drink and wait till that shit passes.

This makes no sense when you consider how every warrior of old would balance his ability to destroy with his ability to create. He would balance all the horrors he saw in the battle field with all the beauty he found in the world. A samurai would spend hours on end simply searching for the perfect blossom. The knight would spend days searching for the right words to express his emotions in a prose. So at what point was being inspired by greatness an unmanly thing? How this came about, I have yet to figure it out.

Since ancient times, creativity was when man would let his gods speak through him and beauty was his gods speaking to him. Even if you don’t believe in a spiritual being, beauty has the ability to stir even the sternest of men, rattle their emotions and remind them they are alive!

At some moment during our lives we forgot to be alive. We work hard, make money, have a family, have success, yet there is an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and emptiness that eats you from your core. Why do you think the starving artist wouldn’t give up his art for that steady paycheck? Why do you think the misunderstood musician spends so many hours polishing his craft? They might not be able to pay your rent with art, but you can feed your soul with it.

So what do you do? Do you have to pick one or the other? No. That’s why balance is so important. It’s amusing how many older gentlemen pick up art, or develop their music, or start writing, or simply head out to find explore the world after they retire. They realized how their lives were missing a very important aspect, the ability to see beauty.

What can you to avoid having to wait so long? What can you do to fill that gaping hole within yourself? Learn to view beauty and learn to speak beauty. Look at the world and how wondrous it actually is. Be in awe, not only of nature, but of everything. Amaze at the intricacies of an engine just as you would of a blossom. Listen to music and all its levels and harmonies. Learn to look at a person and see how all their imperfections simply add to their beauty. Because beauty is imperfection. It’s those imperfections that make every experience unique.

Here’s the secret. Force to look at what the beauty within the world. Force yourself to write, to paint, to draw, to pick up that guitar you gave up so long ago when you went to work. Force yourself to be inspired, to feel, to express. Dive head first into that pool of unbridled emotions and learn to sail that storm. Dare to be inspired and tell someone they are beautiful. Gentlemen, never give up an opportunity to see beauty and create beauty, as that is your soul talking to you.

 

Why You Need To Stop Proving Your Love

Never run after a man or a bus, there's always another one in five minutes.

Cherry Adair

The more I think about it, the less some things makes sense to me. “Men chase after women.” “Women find a good catch.” “You have to prove your love.” “You have to win him/her over.” Who thought off the idea that showing an interest in someone was more about proving yourself to them and not about showing affection and opening up? Who decided that relationships were about one person competing to win a person over? Who says that relationships are about proving how much are you willing to put up with a person’s “worse”? With that kind of language, can we really complain about men (or women) who think they deserve a “prize” just because they paid for dinner or gave the other person a nice gift?

People keep thinking that relationships, be it professional or romantic, are defined mainly about what we “obtain” out of them. “What’s in it for me?” That’s why so many people feel they need to prove their love, or that a person’s love needs to be proven before taking them seriously. It’s about one person proving they have something to offer the other person, make sure they cover the “What’s in it for me” box. And when we reduce relationships to what one person can get out of the other, which leads to pretty shallow and weak relationships where sex, social standing, or money become the focus, rather than respect.

We need to stop proving ourselves so others will accept us. “If you can’t handle me at my worse” probably means you have a strong sense of self-respect, well created boundaries, and prioritized self-care. If they cannot accept you for who you are, why would you think that selling yourself to them will make them care for you after the illusion is gone?

Oh, before you think this is about not doing something special for someone special, you are sadly mistaken. It means that when you do something special, it’s because you wanted to show your affection, not expecting anything in return. And that is what love and relationships should be about. It’s about giving because you want to give, not because it’s expected.

So the next time you give a kiss, do it because you want to. The next time you want to give them flowers, do so. Stop looking for reasons for your affections.

Phenomenal Woman, By Maya Angelou

Women might wonder what is the feature that men find the most attractive in a partner. And I could go on for post after post trying to define and explain the mysteries of women, and wouldn’t even come close to the eloquence and beauty used to explain women better than the late and great Maya Angelou. So with that in mind, I leave you with:

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size,   

but when I start to tell them,

they think I’m telling lies.

I say,

it’s in the reach of my arms,

the span of my hips,   

the stride of my step,   

the curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

I walk into a room

just as cool as you please,   

and to a man,

the fellows stand or

fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

a hive of honey bees.   

I say,

it’s the fire in my eyes,   

and the flash of my teeth,   

the swing in my waist,   

and the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

that’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   

What they see in me.

They try so much,

but they can’t touch

my inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

they say they still can’t see.   

I say,

it’s in the arch of my back,   

the sun of my smile,

the ride of my breasts,

the grace of my style.

I’m a woman

phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

that’s me.

Now you understand

just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

it ought to make you proud.

I say,

it’s in the click of my heels,   

the bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

the need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

that’s me.

Of Broken Men and a Gentlemen Re-Born

It's best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes.

Anne Baxter

In a recent discussion with a group of other writers from a site, another author commented how the idea of Gentlemen dedicating themselves to others seems in complete contrast with the culture of greed and individuals so constantly evident in successful men today. My reply was simple, “You have to help others because you know what it’s like to be knocked down.” After a pause, he asked a question that even though I have considered it never thought of it as critical as he did. “So it’s a prerequisite to have some disaster happen to you before you can be a Gentleman?”

No, but it helps.

For him, this was somewhat a paradox. He is still trying to prove his place in society, his worth as a man. Society tells men that they only way to do this is through a ruthless, cut-throat mentality. Also, we rise in a mentality of entitlement, where people assume that society owes them something for just breathing. These attitudes are in complete contrast to the ideals of a Gentleman.   

Humility and charity are the core elements of being a Gentleman, and nobody knows their value like someone who has fallen due to greed and pettiness. Nothing teaches you humility than being able to survive thanks to someone else’s charity. Nobody knows how imperfect they are till they are forced to look at their imperfections. Nobody knows the importance of moderation like a man who has fallen to vices. Nobody knows the importance of temperance than a man who has fallen to his temper. Nobody knows the dangers of arrogance than a man who has fallen to his ego. Nobody knows the importance of those around them till they make the realization that they will lose them. Nobody knows the fleeting nature of life till they meet their own mortality. Many Gentlemen where guys who at aim at heaven because they already fell into hell.  

I constantly ask myself how you teach these lessons without having to go through that hardship. You can teach boys to be humble, to be respectful, and to be charitable. But as a fellow gentleman once said, only a tree that survives a harsh environment develops deep roots. Till I figure this out, the best I can do is warn them of the dangers of leading the path of the petty man.

Yet for those who have been broken by life, they have an opportunity to become better men. Sometimes to rise higher, you need to break. The good thing is that these men already have a mayor advantage over other men. They know they can survive what life dishes out. And that makes them dangerous to petty men.