The beginning of love is to let
those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own
image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
Thomas
Merton
Aristotle gave us a vast fountain of
knowledge and wisdom. But within all those profound ideas, he had one concept
which I can’t agree at all on. He, like so many men in Ancient Greece, viewed
women as “defective by nature” and as incomplete or imperfect men. Women were
viewed as having little control over their emotions, having a quick temper, void
of shame or self-respect, and more prone to lying. His ideas were assimilated by
many as society evolved as a way to justify not offering women the same opportunities
as men.
Believe it or not, now we know
better.
I want to take a moment to applaud
the current trend of supporting the efforts of girls, one that promotes the
notion that they can achieve whatever they set their minds to. They are taught
to do this, not only for themselves, but as something that all other women can
be proud of. We see how this empowerment, not only comes from moms, but from dads,
who have become an integral part of these girls’ development. These men realize
that their role as a father is that of raising a girl worthy of the spotlight that
will shine on her. We see these girls growing up into strong women of character
who prove that gender doesn’t hold anyone back, that girl power is powerful,
and being a woman is something to be proud of…
And then we tell the boys and men
that they are “defective by nature” and that men are basically the rough draft
that was later polished into women. Men are viewed as having little control
over their emotions, having a quick temper, void of shame or self-respect, and more
prone to lying.
Sounds oddly familiar.
Have you ever stopped and thought
about how we treat men, boys, and masculinity? You see it in the father who
forces sports on his son, as he tries to live vicariously some kind of athletic
glory, yet is angered by his child’s lack of interest. You see it in the mother
who is constantly disciplining her son because he won’t follow strict
instructions. You see it in the teacher who has to constantly punish a student
because he refuses to sit down and be quiet in the classroom. You see it in the
wife who constantly complains about her husband’s actions, or lack of.
At a grander scale you see it in
comments like boys will be boys, because being a boy means that irresponsible
behavior is to be expected because of their gender. We see it in the assumption
that young men can’t control their sexual urges whenever we complain that a young
lady’s clothing is a distraction. We see it in the assumption that every man
needs a woman (be it a mother, a girlfriend, or a wife) to fix his life. We
have become a society of people shaming men on everything they can’t do as we
take any and every opportunity to let these men know everything they are doing
wrong.
As a reaction to this attitude
against manhood, instead of proving them wrong, some men have chosen to
actually embody everything that society views wrong with men. They create a vicious
cycle of men who behave badly because they are told that men behave badly.
So what has society’s warriors done
as a reaction? They blame masculinity and the “man box” as being the toxic
aspect that hurts men. There is a dangerous toxicity in the constant pissing contest,
the almost universal idea that violence and confrontation will solve anything,
the emotional distance as emotions are viewed as a sign of weakness, and the
notion of an ever present unquenchable sexual desire. So the SJW have chosen
fight these faults by condemning ALL things masculine and placing the absolute
burden of fault on men, as apparently dealing with the specific negative
elements is not as easy as a generalized condemnation of masculinity or realizing how we set
men up to fail from the beginning as we view masculinity only from a negative lens.
What we end up is with half of
society shaming men because they don’t measure up to the ideals of what a manly
man is, and the other half shaming men because it’s the only way to keep them
from falling into the trap of manly men. Did you notice how it’s all basically
setting up men for a no win situation, where no matter what they do, they will
fail in someone’s eyes? Then we wonder why boys and men have little aspirations
and ambitions, or why so many become self-destructive.
Maybe it’s time that we look at what
we are doing successfully with girls and do the same with the boys. Girls are
outperforming boys in almost every field, and we already know that gender has
nothing to do with it. It has to do with how we have chosen to empower women.
So what should we do? Stop treating
men (and boys) as starting out as failures that need fixing! Instead of telling
them how to live, give them proper examples by how you live. Let them learn by
seeing. SHARE with them why you love something, and let them make up their
mind. If they don’t like it, let them share with you what they love. Give them
the space they need to fail or succeed on their own merit, instead of assuming
they will fail if you don’t tell them how to do it.
Provide young men with men worthy of
looking up too; heroes and role models they can emulate. Provide them with the support
for them to fly on their own. Offer them the opportunity to be more, give them
hope to be more. When we stop viewing someone as a problem to be fixed, they
stop viewing themselves as a problem that needs fixing.
No comments:
Post a Comment