Boring is a Choice.

Being boring is a choice. Those mild salsas and pleated khakis don’t buy themselves.

The Most Interesting Man in the World

A few months ago, I was having coffee with an old mentor of mine. During our conversation, he mentioned how much he enjoyed watching the Monaco Grand Prix on TV, to which I asked him why he had never seen it in person. Keep in mind that this is a semi-retired Gent with no real obligations or ties holding him back. His reaction let me know that he had never even considered that possibility. You could see him mentally scanning for reasons why he had never done this, yet came up blank. He then realized he had become a victim to his own stagnation.

We tend to complain about how boring our lives are when compared to others, especially in this overly connected world of social media personal marketing. We see what others are doing, their exploits and adventures, and are left with little more than petty envy. Yet the very choices we do every day condemn us to our boring existence.

Sure, that 20 hour Netflix marathon or that 15 hour gaming run might be fun, but isn’t there something better to do with your day than spending it stuck on a sofa, eating the same pizza and ice-cream? After it ends, you are left with what? Memories of a TV series of someone else’s life or of the adventures than never happened in your real life? 

Go out and live! Every action and every decision you take today determine how your reality tomorrow. Challenge yourself constantly. Expose yourself to new people and new experiences. That is the only way to truly expand your horizons.

And this begins with the small things in life. That lady you walk by the street every day in your way to work, wondering if you will ever be brave enough to talk to her. Start by giving her a smile and see where it goes from there. Next time you are thinking about going out, go to a different place than your usual spot. That place you keep Googling about, that country whose culture you are so fascinated about? Visit it. At best you will love it, at worst it will make an interesting story to tell.

Keep in mind I am not talking about the stupidity of YOLO, doing something without taking into consideration the repercussions of our actions. I am talking about CARPE DIEM, my friends. Seize the day. Take actions thinking about the memorability of it, how it's repercussions will resonate till the day you die. What stories will you tell your grandchildren? What grand adventure will you relate in your memoirs? What will anecdote will they tell during your eulogy?

Listen to the Wind.

The world is in a constant conspiracy against the brave. It's the age-old struggle: the roar of the crowd on the one side, and the voice of your conscience on the other.

Douglas MacArthur

You will have more than plenty of people telling you how you are not good enough, how you can fail, how you fall short. There will be plenty of people bringing you down, making you feel like you are less, how you are not worthy. Worst yet, among those people telling you all these horrible things, one of them will actually be yourself.

You will question yourself constantly, not realizing that those who try to minimize you do so because of their own insecurities. Those that tell you that something can’t be done is to excuse themselves from actually doing it. Or when it’s your own mind telling you this, it’s because of all those bullshit excuses you give yourself so you don’t have to leave your comfort zone.

But if you listen carefully, you will hear another voice. And it’s this voice that you have to learn to listen for. It might come in the form of a random article you found online, or a song that played on the radio, or a quote you read, or just a nagging feeling in the back of your head. Some people will say this is God speaking to us, Fate intervening, the Muses offing their inspiration, or simply our subconscious looking to help you out. Whatever this voice is, it’s this voice that will keep you going, keep you sane in an insane world.

Learn to look for it, recognize it, and listen to it. Because no matter how sure you are of yourself, how righteous your actions are, or how important it is; you will doubt yourself. Don’t be ashamed of this doubt. It only proves you are human. What you can be ashamed is if you refuse to listen to the voice in the wind and let doubt defeat you. Always remember that this voice, that whisper in the wind, knows everything, and it will lead you down the right path.

Of Broken Men and a Gentlemen Re-Born

It's best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes.

Anne Baxter

In a recent discussion with a group of other writers from a site, another author commented how the idea of Gentlemen dedicating themselves to others seems in complete contrast with the culture of greed and individuals so constantly evident in successful men today. My reply was simple, “You have to help others because you know what it’s like to be knocked down.” After a pause, he asked a question that even though I have considered it never thought of it as critical as he did. “So it’s a prerequisite to have some disaster happen to you before you can be a Gentleman?”

No, but it helps.

For him, this was somewhat a paradox. He is still trying to prove his place in society, his worth as a man. Society tells men that they only way to do this is through a ruthless, cut-throat mentality. Also, we rise in a mentality of entitlement, where people assume that society owes them something for just breathing. These attitudes are in complete contrast to the ideals of a Gentleman.   

Humility and charity are the core elements of being a Gentleman, and nobody knows their value like someone who has fallen due to greed and pettiness. Nothing teaches you humility than being able to survive thanks to someone else’s charity. Nobody knows how imperfect they are till they are forced to look at their imperfections. Nobody knows the importance of moderation like a man who has fallen to vices. Nobody knows the importance of temperance than a man who has fallen to his temper. Nobody knows the dangers of arrogance than a man who has fallen to his ego. Nobody knows the importance of those around them till they make the realization that they will lose them. Nobody knows the fleeting nature of life till they meet their own mortality. Many Gentlemen where guys who at aim at heaven because they already fell into hell.  

I constantly ask myself how you teach these lessons without having to go through that hardship. You can teach boys to be humble, to be respectful, and to be charitable. But as a fellow gentleman once said, only a tree that survives a harsh environment develops deep roots. Till I figure this out, the best I can do is warn them of the dangers of leading the path of the petty man.

Yet for those who have been broken by life, they have an opportunity to become better men. Sometimes to rise higher, you need to break. The good thing is that these men already have a mayor advantage over other men. They know they can survive what life dishes out. And that makes them dangerous to petty men. 

How to Be a Lady in the 21st Century (Re-Post from Club Fashionista)

Although I focus primarily on the Gentleman’s side of the social equation, a recent article caught my attention, How to Be a Lady in the 21st Century. As many have noticed, my own ideals for Gentlemen and Ladies are in reference to a modern world, apt to handle modern challenges. The thing that caught my attention within the article is how many of the recommendations stated are absolutely relatable for the Modern Gentleman. The Ladies at Club Fashionista where gracious enough to allow me to re-post. So, I leave you with:

How to Be a Lady in the 21st Century

By Elma B.

Chivalry, honor and integrity may seem like outdate words, perhaps vestiges from the long ago. The millennial, and dare I say even the baby boomer generation have been liberated from the behavioral constraints that came along with being a woman. While I am a 1000% behind women holding power positions and advancing around the world, I think being a powerful woman is not mutually exclusive with being a lady. 

Holding your ground and maintain self-respect may be just what you need to be a better you, without further ado here is...

How to be a lady (and a powerful woman) in the 21st century:

1. Posture

I have observed that many women have terrible posture when presenting and are even apologetic (will say sorry several time during a conservation) when speaking in public.  Many will even giggle when giving a talk in public or at a round table discussion. What you do not realize is that most of our communication is non-verbal so the fact that you are slouching, giggling and apologizing is communicating lack of confidence and submissiveness. 

So, stand up straight, use your arms when talking and speak in an assertive voice. Let your audience know that you know what you know what you are talking about not only through your actual knowledge but also through your body language. 

2. Patience

When I began exercising religiously, one of the first phrases I learned was "slow and steady wins the race." I think this not only applies to exercise but to our overall life. Whatever you are pursuing, whether that is a certain position at work, a body type or even a love interest; be patient and steady. Pushing events to happen beyond their natural state of evolvement tends to quickly back-fire. So, hold your ground and work persistently and patiently, your calm energy will carry you through to your goal/s.

3. Style

I do not think there is right or wrong answer to style except be yourself and wear fitted clothes. Worry about establishing credibility through the quality of your work and not about fitting in through your wardrobe. I often see women (and men) in suits that look like clones. Be yourself, free your mind from stuffy rules that no longer make sense. For the women not afraid to take risks with your wardrobes, whatever you do, make sure your clothes are fitted. 

Nothing will make you look more over weight and unpleasant than clothes that are too small. When in doubt, pick a shirt, skirt or pants that are one size larger because you will look more elegant and actually skinnier. Importantly, you will feel a lot more comfortable in your skin with a looser wardrobe than when your circulation is cut off by your tight pants (speaking from personal experience) or your tight skirt. Remember you wardrobe is supposed to compliment your figure and not make your flaws stand-out. 

There you have it ladies, my 3 golden rules on how to be a lady (and a powerful woman) in the 21st century. What does being a lady and a modern woman mean to you? Leave me your comments, love hearing from you! Until next time fashionistas, stay beautiful and confident, xoxo. 

Original article can be found in Club Fashionista.

Also, don’t forget to show the ladies your appreciation by following them on Twitter.

It’s the small things that matter

A mountain is composed of tiny grains of earth. The ocean is made up of tiny drops of water. Even so, life is but an endless series of little details, actions, speeches, and thoughts. And the consequences whether good or bad of even the least of them are far-reaching.

Swami Sivananda

Every time someone wants to convince the world that they are good, they refer to that one act, that grand demonstration of charity and human nobility. When they want to express how much they want something or love someone, they fall back on that single huge event where they were willing to move heaven and earth for their passion.

That single defining act can be a fluke. Even they Devil can do good by accident.

Nobility is achieved every day in the way you handle random events for strangers, for those who have no direct relevance in your life. The door you held open or the seat you offered for a complete stranger; those acts of anonymous charity, is what defines you and your character. Those simple steps you do every day to achieve your dreams, that constant dedication to your ideals that permeates into every step you take, that is what defines your passion.

It’s in those details that we can see the true character of a person. It’s the small things that make big things happen.