Awaken Quixote

Too much sanity may be madness and the maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be.

Miguel de Cervantes

As children, we see wonder and fantasy all around us. Any car we got on would become a race car or a tank. Any stick would be a wand or a sword. Any box could become a space ship or a plane. We would be fascinated by something as simple as a line of ants crossing a sidewalk or by how rain fell on a hot day. In our world, magic was real and hero’s existed.

Our fantasy world held true till the grown-ups started to tell us to get out of the rain or we’d catch a cold. And brick by brick, our world was brought down as we were told that daydreaming was a waste of time; that gallantry was dead in a jaded world. The monsters under our beds were replaced by the monsters walking in our everyday lives. Magical scrolls were replaced with unending bills and our swords were replaced with painful words. But I’m going to tell you a little secret, a realization about this new world we discovered as adulthood hit.

The world didn’t change. We did. We decided to ignore the beauty of our everyday as we placed blinders made out of pessimism and insecurities. We are told that the world is a harsh place where there will always be someone trying to hurt us or to take advantage of us. So it should be to nobody’s surprise when that’s all we see.

But is that what we have to look forward to? A miserable life of constantly looking over our shoulders and questioning everyone’s intentions? If that is so, when at the very least stop complaining about all you find in your life is misery, because the reality of your life is that you’re actively seeking it out. But what if we go back to looking at the beauty in the world? Search for its magic? It’s still there waiting for your return. Why can’t you dance as care free today as you did as a child? Because someone might think you’re crazy? They probably call you crazy behind your back already!

There are two instances when men can catch a glimpse of this world; when they’re drunk or when they play with a child. (Please don’t playing with a child while drunk though…common sense, people.) Why? Because in either case, you find yourself with a valid excuse to be ridiculous, to act out your inner self as you can shed that thick jaded protective shell. This is when you can dance and sing and laugh and take risks; as you stop caring what others think of you and forget about your insecurities.

These are the times when the words “I love you” flow easily. These are the times when telling someone they are beautiful aren’t as scary. These are the moments when you are willing to smile and laugh and dance with anyone. These are the moments when you forget that the world is out to get you so, for an instant, you believe that you can do anything. These are the moments you walk down the street with a cocky grin as you have enough confidence to take on the world and all its scary monsters.

Before you dismiss this as having a wishful thinking way of life, were the reality of responsibilities is ignored, think again. Most people see everything that could go wrong in their lives yet secretly plan what they would do if things went right. What I am asking you is to see everything that could go right, yet secretly plan what to do in if anything goes wrong. Contingency and back-up plans should be just that; a back-up plans. 

Flipping The Dating Script

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

Scott Adams

There’s nothing as informally structured, anxiety inducing, and unnecessarily complicated within our society as dating. You would think that with the amount of people in the planet and our overtly connected society we have developed our ability to interact with the intention of sharing a life experience would be something we have down pat. What makes it even more interesting is the subjective perspective we have within the entire courtship drama that is life, as men and women assume that their gender got the short end of the dating stick.

Men assume that women are at an advantageous position when it comes to dating, where the social norms places women at an obvious advantage from their perspective. And they might be right. Men have to openly admit their interest in a Lady by making their first move. They have to pick an activity and a location they think the woman would want to do. They have to amuse, entertain, and romance her; risking rejection at every step of the way, as the entire evening becomes little more than a performance for just one judge, one single person who holds all the power… the woman sitting across the dinner table.

And they say that working for Chef Ramsay is stressful.

A man’s perspective about dating is great and all till you sit down and ask a woman her point of view, as they can clearly explain why men have the advantageous position when it comes to dating. And they might be right as well. The man can go up to a woman to ask her out, leaving the woman in a position of having to wait till he decides that he wants to. He picks the place and the time. He plans it out. And the woman is left in a passive position as the only active participation socially accepted is held by the man. If traditional dating rules are to be followed, the best they can do to during the entire situation, and even to initiate it, is to send out hints of interest and approval.

And we know just how well people in general pick up on hints.

But what if we could change this whole messy and complicated affair? What if we could hand women the power of assertiveness they complain that they don’t have within the courtship ritual? What if we could ask men not to be so controlling, allowing themselves the ability to enjoy the ride and let go of the reigns?

Guess that you can!!! Some mad genius has called out the social bullshit that men and women complain about dating by promoting for a second year in a row September as “Take a Man on a Date” month!

And I say that he is calling out the social bullshit about dating because as much as men might complain that women are on the judging table in the dating equation, nothing is as challenging to a man as taking a passive participation in anything in life. And women might complain about men having the power within the dating scene, yet very few have confronted the terrifying scenarios of possible rejections, and its accompanying self-doubt and social shaming, that come from asking someone out.

That’s the beauty of modernity… modern women are confident enough to just walk up to whoever they are interested in, and be able to ask them out! That should be a simple side effect of being a confident woman. Who cares what people think? The wonderful thing is that for this month, you can blame it on it being September.

And Gentlemen…  Modern men should be confident enough not to be intimidated by strong assertive women! Be honored and flattered is a lady comes up to ask you out. You probably are able to relate to every single thought she must have gone through before walking up to you. Don’t fall back into a judgmental or arrogant mindset, as you should be able to empathize.

And Empathy should be the most important lesson within this month. Men and women are given an opportunity to step into each others shoes (and depending on how the date does, into much more) on what each other goes through in the dating scene. React as you wish the other gender would react to you. Who knows, this might be a great opportunity for people to start treating dating as something fun.

Look Past the Moon. The Dangers of Having Goals.

I have been in the revenge business so long; now that it’s over I do not know what to do with the rest of my life.

Inigo Montoya

So many stories are told of the single mindedness of Vengeance; movies where the action hero how must avenge something, anything, and that becomes his all-consuming goal. And the movie conveniently ends in the same right when he achieves his goal, as he kills the main bad guy, topples the evil corporation, frees the slaves, and “wins the damsel.” (Not going to comment on the “wins the damsel.” There is enough material in that aspect to make an independent post on the subject.) Cut to him riding into the sunset, queue credits.

This is the guys version of “happily ever after.” And just like “happily ever after,” it’s a load of cr…., an absolute LIE!

These stories focus on a specific time-frame, where what happens before or after have little if no consequence to the story. The reality is there IS an ever after, the repercussions of the grand victory, a constant continuation of the story. And when your focus your life on achieving a rather specific goal, no matter what it is, you risk three very real dangers.

The first danger of having an all-consuming goal is nothing you do will be viewed as valuable. Unless the final goal is reached, everything else is irrelevant, no matter how much good, or how well you do. Nothing will satisfy you. You will never be able to view how much you have traveled, as you focus on how much further you must go. And if you never get to achieve it, you will view your life as wasted.

The second danger is actually being able to achieve your goal. There is a dreaded sense of emptiness that comes from not having a target goal after you have spent part of your life with an all-consuming goal. What then? Look for the next challenge?

The third danger is usually the one least considered, and actually the most dangerous of all. When all your focus is placed on a pinpoint aspect, you will miss everything else around you. And that is where the value of life is really located, in the surprise, in finding the amazing in the random.

So, should you just float aimlessly though life? No. Have a north to guide you, and learn to navigate within this north. Set a goal, but not as a target. Bruce Lee said that “a goal is not always meant to be reached; it often serves simply as something to aim at.” Set a goal as a general direction, and learn to read the winds. Let life guide you within that direction. You will reach the stars if you don’t limit yourself to the moon. 

Boring is a Choice.

Being boring is a choice. Those mild salsas and pleated khakis don’t buy themselves.

The Most Interesting Man in the World

A few months ago, I was having coffee with an old mentor of mine. During our conversation, he mentioned how much he enjoyed watching the Monaco Grand Prix on TV, to which I asked him why he had never seen it in person. Keep in mind that this is a semi-retired Gent with no real obligations or ties holding him back. His reaction let me know that he had never even considered that possibility. You could see him mentally scanning for reasons why he had never done this, yet came up blank. He then realized he had become a victim to his own stagnation.

We tend to complain about how boring our lives are when compared to others, especially in this overly connected world of social media personal marketing. We see what others are doing, their exploits and adventures, and are left with little more than petty envy. Yet the very choices we do every day condemn us to our boring existence.

Sure, that 20 hour Netflix marathon or that 15 hour gaming run might be fun, but isn’t there something better to do with your day than spending it stuck on a sofa, eating the same pizza and ice-cream? After it ends, you are left with what? Memories of a TV series of someone else’s life or of the adventures than never happened in your real life? 

Go out and live! Every action and every decision you take today determine how your reality tomorrow. Challenge yourself constantly. Expose yourself to new people and new experiences. That is the only way to truly expand your horizons.

And this begins with the small things in life. That lady you walk by the street every day in your way to work, wondering if you will ever be brave enough to talk to her. Start by giving her a smile and see where it goes from there. Next time you are thinking about going out, go to a different place than your usual spot. That place you keep Googling about, that country whose culture you are so fascinated about? Visit it. At best you will love it, at worst it will make an interesting story to tell.

Keep in mind I am not talking about the stupidity of YOLO, doing something without taking into consideration the repercussions of our actions. I am talking about CARPE DIEM, my friends. Seize the day. Take actions thinking about the memorability of it, how it's repercussions will resonate till the day you die. What stories will you tell your grandchildren? What grand adventure will you relate in your memoirs? What will anecdote will they tell during your eulogy?