Awaken Quixote

Too much sanity may be madness and the maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be.

Miguel de Cervantes

As children, we see wonder and fantasy all around us. Any car we got on would become a race car or a tank. Any stick would be a wand or a sword. Any box could become a space ship or a plane. We would be fascinated by something as simple as a line of ants crossing a sidewalk or by how rain fell on a hot day. In our world, magic was real and hero’s existed.

Our fantasy world held true till the grown-ups started to tell us to get out of the rain or we’d catch a cold. And brick by brick, our world was brought down as we were told that daydreaming was a waste of time; that gallantry was dead in a jaded world. The monsters under our beds were replaced by the monsters walking in our everyday lives. Magical scrolls were replaced with unending bills and our swords were replaced with painful words. But I’m going to tell you a little secret, a realization about this new world we discovered as adulthood hit.

The world didn’t change. We did. We decided to ignore the beauty of our everyday as we placed blinders made out of pessimism and insecurities. We are told that the world is a harsh place where there will always be someone trying to hurt us or to take advantage of us. So it should be to nobody’s surprise when that’s all we see.

But is that what we have to look forward to? A miserable life of constantly looking over our shoulders and questioning everyone’s intentions? If that is so, when at the very least stop complaining about all you find in your life is misery, because the reality of your life is that you’re actively seeking it out. But what if we go back to looking at the beauty in the world? Search for its magic? It’s still there waiting for your return. Why can’t you dance as care free today as you did as a child? Because someone might think you’re crazy? They probably call you crazy behind your back already!

There are two instances when men can catch a glimpse of this world; when they’re drunk or when they play with a child. (Please don’t playing with a child while drunk though…common sense, people.) Why? Because in either case, you find yourself with a valid excuse to be ridiculous, to act out your inner self as you can shed that thick jaded protective shell. This is when you can dance and sing and laugh and take risks; as you stop caring what others think of you and forget about your insecurities.

These are the times when the words “I love you” flow easily. These are the times when telling someone they are beautiful aren’t as scary. These are the moments when you are willing to smile and laugh and dance with anyone. These are the moments when you forget that the world is out to get you so, for an instant, you believe that you can do anything. These are the moments you walk down the street with a cocky grin as you have enough confidence to take on the world and all its scary monsters.

Before you dismiss this as having a wishful thinking way of life, were the reality of responsibilities is ignored, think again. Most people see everything that could go wrong in their lives yet secretly plan what they would do if things went right. What I am asking you is to see everything that could go right, yet secretly plan what to do in if anything goes wrong. Contingency and back-up plans should be just that; a back-up plans. 

The Word Earned

Boys can make babies. It takes a man to raise them.

Oprah Winfrey

Dad. Really sounds like a simple word as it gets thrown around and stuck on every kind of cheap coffee mug, preceded with the phrase “World’s Greatest.” But is it really that simple? As the world changes, so has the image we expect from ourselves as Dads. No longer are we willing to accept our role as a simple provider or are we willing to be that bumbling idiot or the babysitter when mom’s not around. Now we are a parent, doing parent things with our own dad flare. So if you are expecting to receive that coffee mug, you damn better take action to earn that prefix before the word Dad.

How do you do that?

By realizing that fatherhood isn’t a label attached thanks to having children. It comes attached with the actions you take because you have kids.

It’s not about being able to buy them a bike, but taking the time to teach them how to ride it. It’s about taking the time to read them a bed time story when all you want to do is go to bed yourself. It’s about all the games you don’t miss and the plays you attend instead of the lessons you paid for. It’s about all the homework and school you do together and not about all the tutor fees you can pay. It’s not about being able to post magazine worthy images of your kids in social media, but about living a storybook worthy life with your kids.

It’s about that costume you made or the fieldtrip chaperoning you did. It’s about understanding that bad grades and bad behavior isn’t a sign of a bad kid, but a call for help about some other issue. It’s about willing to look for answers and understanding instead of worrying what will the neighbors think. It’s about putting aside whatever issue you have with the child’s mother as you place priority on the child. It’s about willing to drop everything and relocate if needed to make sure the kid has a better chance at life. It’s about making sure you talk WITH them, not TO them.

Do any of these actions guarantee a “good” kid? No, but it sure improves their chances.

And that is what being a Dad is all about. It’s about giving your kid a chance to be a better man or woman in a world bent on breaking them. It’s about letting them know that no matter what, they can count on you. It’s about letting them know that even if they don’t yet believe in themselves yet, you do.

Chivalry: Is it Needed?

Since it is so likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage.

C.S. Lewis

So, we have already discussed if Chivalry is dead and if it’s sexist. The next big question is if it’s even needed, especially in these modern days of gender equality. To discuss this, I am going to have to take a mind frame that I usually try to avoid, to focus at the negative aspect of this generation and the one to come of age. I say that I try to avoid this because I have never believed in judging one generation as if the previous one was exempt of their own issues. I also am a firm believer that spotlighting negative aspects does little to create positive results, but if we don’t understand the negative aspects that today’s men deal with, we can’t really understand if Chivalry is truly needed.

We live in a society that is providing men two options; become the douchebag slacker/mook or men who have been taught to be ashamed of being a man. Combine that with a scarcity for proper role models and a society that focuses on selfishness and self-gratification, we are left with a poor profile of what we can expect from modern men.

We are bombarded most media with the image of the slacker man-child, the incompetent dad, and the douchebag asshole; all of which are justified with the simple notion that you can’t expect any more from men. In social media, we are then bombarded with the idea that toxic masculinity has made all masculinity something of a death trap for anyone who relates with men in general. We have become guilty of the crime of being men, unless we ourselves begin to condemn the dangers of being a man, because apparently men have no self-control over their animal instincts.

With so many outside influences telling young men they aren’t good enough, you would think that we provide them with some kind of positive example, a role model to teach them what they can do right. Yet they are left to look up to men who can get away with domestic abuse, drug charges, and sexual violence simply because of their athletic ability, musical talent, or financial situation. The boys are learning these lessons well as we can see in our current college campuses.

Instead of telling boys everything they are doing wrong and will do wrong, why don’t we give them examples they can look up to, give them hope that they can be more, and teach them that life isn’t about “what’s in it for me,” but about “what can I give back.” That’s what Chivalry has been about from the beginning, men who live in a way that they set an example to others, who lead by doing, and inspire others to dream about achieving better world.

We need to stop glamorizing the slacker and the douchebag. We need to stop equating toxic masculinity with all masculinity. We need to teach boys to strive for more than just sliding by. We need to men that being a man isn’t an excuse for incompetent parenting, and that the label of Dad is earned. We need to teach men to stand up for others and not just themselves. We need to create a society where being a man shouldn’t be an excuse for bad behavior but instead a reason for good behavior. We need to set examples to men of all they can achieve, instead of treating them as a problem that needs to be fixed.

How far could men go if we taught them to do better, instead of telling them what they are doing wrong?

If You’re Destined To Be A Warrior, Be One With A Cause.

Warriors are not what you think of as warriors. The warrior is not someone who fights, because no one has the right to take another life. The warrior, for us, is one who sacrifices himself for the good of others.

His task is to take care of the elderly, the defenseless, those who cannot provide for themselves, and, above all, the children, the future of humanity.

Sitting Bull

Every so often I like to bring attention to Gentlemen who have taken opon themselves to make this world a little better simply because it’s the right thing to do. I have mentioned before importance of organizations like the Café Sospeso, the Brothers for Sisters, and That Suits You. Today, I bring you one that I learned about last year, one that exemplifies that a modern warrior scholar should be, Bikers Against Child Abuse.

Some men are forged by a hard life and become hard themselves. These men don’t shy away from the stereotypes that society places on them, but rather embrace it as an honor. Bikers are like this. Their badass aura and an even worse reputation sometimes don’t always reflect their gentle hearts and honorable intentions. But instead of trying to conform within society, some use what could be considered a social stigma, and use it for good.

Children who have been the victims of abuse live in constant fear, as usually their abusers were someone they trusted.  To them, that monster hiding in their closet or under their bed is more real than what it should be. Even if their abuser is no longer around, the fear is still there. So how do you handle a scary monster? By getting an even scarier champion.

Even kids know that nobody messes with bikers. Bikers look big, and strong, and mean, both in real life and in how they are portrayed on television and in films. They are easy riders, sons of anarchy, not afraid of anything and, more importantly, they take care of their own. A child who has been abused by someone bigger and stronger knows too well what it feels like to be small and vulnerable. BACA shifts that balance, by putting even bigger and stronger people, a lot of them, on the child's side.

If ever the child feels threatened, scared, or simply wants someone to be there, they simply have to call, and a couple of riders will come by. They are there to provide a safe environment, a place for the child to feel secure. This might be to scare of the abuser, to walk with the kid to school, or simply to stand guard all night in front of the house to scare off nightmares.

Not everyone is accepted within the BACA. These men train for their duty, as many are actual social workers and all are required to pass a string of background checks and training courses to deal with the emotional strain of their duty. But instead of trying to explain their ideology, I think their creed says it better than I could.

I am a member of Bikers Against Child Abuse. The die has been cast. The decision has been made. I have stepped over the line. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past has prepared me, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I dont have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by the faith in my works, and lean on the strength of my brothers and sisters. I love with patience, live by prayer, and labor with power.

My fate is set, my gait is fast, my goal is the ultimate safety of children. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are tried and true, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and showed up for all wounded children. I must go until I drop, ride until I give out, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me, for He will see my BACA back patch and know that I am one of His. I am a member of Bikers Against Child Abuse, and this is my creed.

BACA Creed