Old Dogs Learn New Tricks

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

George Bernard Shaw

Take a moment and think about last year at this same date. Does it feel like a lifetime ago or does it feel like if it was yesterday? Have you changed much or not at all? Has your life? How about 2 years ago? How about 4? If you have kids, do you remember how big they were two years ago and feel like they are so much bigger now than they should be?

Time will pass, no matter what you do. How much do you have to show for it?

I ask these questions because every time I tell someone they should pick up a new hobby, learn a new skill, going back to school, or making a lifestyle change; their immediate reaction is usually “I’m too old to start now” as if we only have a limited amount of years for self-betterment.

I know that as we grow older, we are less likely to deal with becoming a novice again, the notion of realizing just how little we know, how much work we need, and just how much help we require. But that’s the beauty of time, it passes whether you want it to pass or not. How long does it take to learn a new skill? A week? A month? A year? If that time will pass anyway, are you willing to put up with being a beginner for a short period of your life, one that will pass anyway, to become more?

The other typical excuse is just how hectic our lives are. Let’s assume that you would take up a hobby, is your schedule so packed and complicated that you can’t take a couple of hours off a week to go to class? How long is your commute? Instead of listening to random babble on the radio, you could take that time to put on a conversational language lessons. Instead of dozing off in the metro, you could read a book on the topic of your interest. Your day’s full, wake up an hour earlier and practice before your usual chaotic life starts. Instead of cooking any old thing, add in half an hour to the prep time and try out a new recipe. Get on that treadmill or work out while watching TV, or simply turn off the TV for a bit. The reality is that forcing yourself to take a break for a couple of hours a week from your usual rat-race will actually help you perform better in your daily routine.

Instead of thinking about the time it will take, which often seems daunting, consider how long it took. Waiting a week often seems like a long wait, yet last week doesn’t seem that far off. Start considering time in the past sense instead of the future sense. Just think how far into that exercise regimen you would be if you started last Monday instead of waiting till next Monday. Consider how skilled you would already be if you registered for that class last semester instead of putting it off till the next one.

The reality is that you are never too old to learn or too busy to take time for yourself. It’s all about priorities. If your priority is to feel old, then yes, you are too old to learn. If your priority is to feel busy, then yes, you are too busy. But if your priority is to grow as a man, then neither age nor time will never be a barrier.

How’s Your Hero Training Going?

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson), Taken

The movies have let us vicariously live out our hero fantasies where we head out and defend our family’s honor, rescue the damsel in distress, or protect our country.  We find ourselves reflected on screen every time the hero, an average guy with above average virtues and skills, takes on overwhelming odds and ends up proving that a good guy with determination can stop the evils of the world. Or at least we want to think we are reflected onscreen. But is that the hero we will have the chance to be? Or will we be given a chance to be another kind of hero?

The reality is that it’s highly improbable that we will be forced to fend off foreign nationals from taking over our favorite coffee shop, stop that overly elaborate plan by criminal masterminds to steal your friend’s purse, or even stop that armed intruder from breaking into your home. I am not saying that you won’t be given that opportunity, but are you doing good? Or are you simply stopping bad?

I am not saying that you shouldn’t stop the bad elements of society, but the amount of effort we take into preparing to handle evil isn’t close to comparable to the amount of effort we take into preparing to dish out good. You will probably have a chance to do those more often than you will to stop evil.

But training to do good? Isn’t doing simply doing good? Yes it is, but some good requires some knowledge.

Do you know what to do in case someone falls and twists their ankle or breaks a bone? Sharing dinner with someone who’s suddenly choking? Someone having a stroke or a heart attack? Could you even identify when it happens? Could you identify when someone is drowning if you saw them? Do you know how to make a tourniquet or give CPR? You would be surprised how those first couple of minutes might completely change a situation.

Let’s be more practical yet, do you know what to do in case you run into someone whose car battery died? Who accidentally locked in their pet or, worse yet, their child, in their car? Even something as simple as change a tire? Do you know how to help parent trying to deal with their child having a meltdown? Do you even know what a meltdown is?

In a world of 911’s and roadside assistance, we have forgotten some of the basic skills needed to survive a chaotic world. With the world’s knowledge in our fingertips, we assume that we will have time to Google up whatever information we need. That’s not always possible, be it because time is off the essence or because your adrenaline is running too high to try to type.

We, as men, also assume that things are as easy as they look in the movies, that we instinctively know how to use a car jack or jumper cables. We assume that our inner action hero will automatically kick in and we will instinctively keep our cool. You would think that by know you knew that “assuming” is never the same as knowing.

Ironically, in a world where women have chosen to challenge the gender stereotypes, plenty of women have actually learned how to jump-start a car or change a tire. Yet it’s this same challenge to gender stereotypes that have lead plenty of men to never learn, ending up in a situation where it’s the lady saving them.

Before you start whining about how you were never taught these things, keep in mind that you have the world at your fingertips. Do you have the nearest hospital’s emergency number in your phone? Do you have the nearest police station? Between “Fail” or Cat Videos, have you taken the time to at least view a basic CPR tutorial? Most community centers actually offer basic first aid and CPR classes, either free or at a very low cost. Most have pamphlets to inform and educate the public about how to help those who need help, especially those whose “issues” aren’t as evident. This not only keeps you from being another inconsiderate asshole, but actually helps them deal with a selfish society that usually ignores them, and so often abuses them. It might be a good idea to read these over instead of reading over the latest reality TV gossip.

You have the opportunity to be a hero every day. You will be placed in situations where what you think is a simple act, will mean the world to the other person. You will be constantly be given the opportunity to prove what kind of a person you are. The reality is that being a good is pretty easy when you are actually ready to do good.

Imitation Is Flattering, Impersonation Is Not.

By three methods we may learn wisdom:

First, by reflection, which is noblest;

Second, by imitation, which is easiest;

Third by experience, which is the bitterest.

Confucius

For the last 24 hours, you might have noticed that Being Caballero’s social media presence was somewhat lessened. Usually, I am constantly sharing content and inspirational posts from other sites in our Facebook page, or replying on our Twitter. But yesterday was somewhat of a hectic afternoon and would like to clarify, as apparently some of the readers might have been misguided or misinformed, hopefully unintentionally.

A profile on several media sites popped up with almost our identical name and address, our logo and our page banner, although these had minor alterations. They inverted the color scheme of the logo and cropped out our social media link information. The person never openly stated he/she was Being Caballero, but neither did they deny it when several readers commented about my articles as they liked their pages.

When I noticed his/her use of the banner and the logo, I simply requested them to either give the appropriate credit (as stated in our Copyright Notice) or otherwise to remove. It wasn’t till I notice how this person implied authorship to the articles, that I was forced to take a more proactive stance.

I have never had issues with people sharing our quotes and articles, quite the contrary. I usually ask that, if they do, to not alter the image and give proper credit. That doesn’t always happen and I usually find out long after it’s made enough rounds online that it gets back to us. This happened with the “Boys will be boys” and “Search for a Queen” (special thanks to Druidess of Midian for her permission on using her image as a frame for our quote.) Yet, if you notice the version going around on this last one, it had my signature removed. (Never sign a quote in a place too easy to crop out. Lesson learned.)

Neither have I ever refused to reply a comment nor a message sent to me (to my editor’s dismay, I tend to do this without a proper review) or to help others starting out their sites or projects. Most of my contributors and collaborators are people who either helped me out when I started or I helped them out when they started. The rest are just like-minded individuals you meet along the way. Anyone who wants to contact me can easily do so. (Yes, I do enjoy stressing out my editor).

But as Al Capone once said “Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.” That being said, I just want to clear up a few things to avoid any confusion.

• The word “caballero” simply means “gentleman” (in reality it means a lot more, but that’s not the topic right now). It is also a very common last name in Spanish. Assuming that this is the issue, is like assuming that anyone could claim ownership to the word “gentleman”. On the other hand, our brand name “Being Caballero” may be seen for some as just two random words put together, but in fact, were carefully chosen to serve as our online identity while symbolizing the mission of our work.
• The focus of our “memes” or images is the quote. A positive or thoughtful message that can be easily spread among our readers. Most of the quotes used are our own, unless otherwise specified, as we always do proper research to provide deserving credit. If it’s a regional saying, we state where it is from. If you don’t find anyone credited, it’s because is original. If you find someone credited and also our signature, it’s because we designed the layout and text format. Any image used in the background, is exactly that, background. We never claim creative ownership of backgrounds (as they were obtained online), although we always make sure to look further and verify their copyrights before using them. On occasions, even if they have no copyrights, if we find the photographer on said research we contact them directly out of respect of their work, to ask for permission to use their name and give their deserving credit, as we did with The Viral Gentleman.
• Our brand name, logo, and slogan are our online identity. I have never hid my identity as the author, but there are plenty of others who help me make Being Caballero what it is. After everything is said and done, the message should always be more important than the messenger. With that out of the way, do consider that someone using our Logo as their own isn’t disrespecting me as much as they are disrespecting the efforts of everyone who helps make this happen, especially our readers. 

Anyone who wants to embark in promoting the Gentleman ideals, I wish them the best of luck and have our support. If they do so inspired by what we do here at Being Caballero, I am honored. If they ask for help, I am humbled. Because that is the main reason this and other sites alike exist; to help. Unfortunately, sometimes helping someone, means you have to teach a lesson you wish you didn’t have to.

From Kata To Conversations

The approach to combat and everyday life should be the same.

Miyamoto Musashi

Ask a group of different martial artists what is Kata (Japanese for ‘Form’), and you will probably get just as many different explanations. At its most simplistic definition, a Kata is a series of predefined movements. At its most complex; a Kata is the very essence of the warrior’s soul.

A Kata is a way to train your body and mind to achieve a sequence of specific movements, in a way programing your body to react in a specific way. It’s a strategy used to drill in muscle memory and self-control, where your actions become second nature and you no longer have to think about what you are doing, but rather just do it. This is the core concept of any athletic or military training; to reinforce an action to the point where they become automatic where instincts and muscles memory leave little room for fear, anxiety, and self-doubt.

So what does this have to do with manners or chivalry?

Everything. When your actions become so integral to your being that they are now automatic, you no longer have to fear doing them wrong. Developing social memory is just as critical as developing muscle memory. This way you create a pattern and a structure to your behavior. Opening a door for someone, giving a helping hand, or smiling to someone in the street and wishing them a good day not only become natural but actually creates an aura of self-confidence around you. Your social actions should be as natural as breathing. You no longer have self-doubt on what you no longer have to think about.

For most who have never developed this, there is that instant of awkwardness that comes when you’re unsure if you should or shouldn’t do something. And it’s that instance of awkwardness that creates the “creepy” vibe some people feel in social situations. That awkwardness is born from self-doubt, a feeling that is easily picked up by those around you.

But when your actions are natural, you no longer have to feel awkward, as you no longer have to spend time thinking if you should or shouldn’t. They create the support frame for your confidence and actually provide a sense of security in those around you, as your behavior no longer carries a hidden motivation behind them.

So go out, be chivalrous, smile, be generous. And do it so often you no longer have to think about doing it.