Chivalry, Far From Dead.

The simple act of paying attention can take you a long way.

Keanu Reeves

Usually I am careful when I use the word Chivalry in a post because this specific word carries a lot of preconceived weight from the reader. When I use the term chivalry, the reader’s own prejudice, based mostly on misunderstandings the concept by some who executed it or by someone who observed it, tend to overwhelm their capacity to view things with an open mind. This becomes evident with men “acting” chivalrous expecting something in return or due to their own sexist attitude. We also see this prejudice present in both women or men who assume these acts, even when done for the right reason, carry a sense of “benevolent sexism” where each gender blames the other for the causes and results of such acts. To both groups I just have one thing to say:

Get over yourself.

It isn’t that chivalry is now a rare thing. You have to understand that it never was that common to begin with. Knightly Chivalry was a thing left only to the knights, the elite warrior class. Noble Chivalry was left only to the nobility. And now Gentlemen Chivalry is something done by Gentlemen. Not everyone is willing to be a Gentleman, so not everyone should be expected to be chivalrous. And that’s ok, because not everyone is really willing to put the effort in leading a less than ordinary life. This is a choice people have to make on their own. 

But there are those who still do expect more from themselves. You see this every day in the random event done without making a big deal about them. There is no bowing, no “milady”, no drama. Just a simple act done in a simple way. And this is the true sign of a Gentleman, those who’s acts of chivalry are as natural to them as breathing is to other men. You see it in the man holding a door open for others simply for no other reason than because he can. You see it in the man who unconsciously walks on the outside of the sidewalk. And you see it in the man who offers his seat in a train, no matter how well known and influential he is.

Make Pearls out of Problems.

Pearls mean tears.

Doris Lessing

Now days, pearls are not as valuable as before, thanks mainly to pearl farms where oysters are “forced” to produce pearls on demand. But before the existence of cultured pearls and rather realistic fake pearls, in the olden days, wild pearls were rather rare and extremely valuable. The reason was that not every oyster produced a pearl. Rather the contrary, as an oyster containing a wild pearl was a beautiful exception. Irregularly shaped with swirling colors and tones; it’s their luster, their beauty, and their rareness that make them so special. But to understand this, we need to understand what a wild pearl is.

Oysters and mollusks thrive in muck, where their hard shell protects them from a horrible habitat. They are able to withstand what their environment throws at them, with their outer rock like skin serving as their armor. But every once in a while, a miniscule parasite will slip by, threatening the oyster’s life. As a defense, the oyster will seal off the invader, turning what would have tried to kill it into a precious treasure sought by many who see its beauty and value.

As strange as it may seem, we need to learn from the oysters and the mollusks. We may have developed a hard skin as we have learned to deal with the harsh environment that surrounds us. But it’s usually that small thing, that tiny detail that slips past our defenses, that is the greatest threat to our person. So, when we deal with this threat, with this danger, we are rewarded with experience and wisdom.

As we learn from this experience and as we grow in wisdom, we start turning what would have killed us, into a precious treasure that we hold close to our hearts. What was once a threat has not turned into a treasure, what was a problem is now a pearl. It gives us value and worth beyond what we had before. And it’s only when we are willing to open up our hard skin to someone who deserves it, can we pass on that Pearl of Wisdom.

Beware of Being Wrong When You’re Being Right.

Arrogance on the part of the meritorious is even more offensive to us than the arrogance of those without merit: for merit itself is offensive.

Friedrich Nietzsche

There is a sense of fulfillment that comes from making a stand, from challenging injustice, from fighting for what you believe in. Being right empowers you to be more as it give you the confidence to confront those who are wrong. And if the general attitude of most people is to be believed, it gives you a license to be an asshole and people seem to like being assholes.

Take a moment to consider the cynical pleasure some people get from saying “I told you so.” You could actually assume that they WANT you to fail, just to be able to do that. Yet these same people don’t understand why, when they are right and are offering good advice, others don’t pay attention or simply refuse to take this advice. Some actually get offended by the other person’s dismissal. So when the time comes around that they were right, they gloat and brag.

This is a horrible downward spiral based on vanity, ego, and a terrible attitude of superiority. Realize that if you start your advice tied to a sense of “I’m right, you’re wrong” you have no intention of helping the person. All you want to do is fill your ego, prove your superiority. That’s why you get offended when the person prefers to ignore your recommendations. That’s why you get that perverted pleasure of seeing them fail, that’s when you show how shallow you are as you voice the “I told you so.”

Worse yet, by telling them “I told you so,” you actually keep them from learning from their mistakes. If we grow from our mistakes, you want them to think how their mistake was not doing it your way. You are feeding your insecurities, your vanity, and your ego with someone else’s misery. Again, you’re just being a bad person.

If your intent is to actually help the person, help them. Don’t tell them how to do it, tell them how you did it when it was your turn. Tell them why you did it that way, and let them make their own choices. As I have said so often, nobody has a monopoly on the truth.

The reality is that they might actually figure out a better way. Maybe they got it wrong, but they will learn from their mistakes, and grow from them. Learn to offer your hand, not your judgments, to those who have fallen. They are already being critical of their own failure. What they need is someone to help them rise up, not someone who kicks them while they are down.

The Greatest Act of Rebellion Today is Being a Gentleman. (Updated)

(Way back in March, I had posted a toast on being a Gentleman, and why I considered us to be the modern Rebels. I think it was time for an update.)

Welcome to the Modern Age,

The age of the Individualist,

The age of the Greedy,

And the age of the Cynical,

A time when a Man’s success is measured

By his bank account

And respect for others optional.

Or so say the Insecure Men;

The Selfish,

The Avarice,

And the Contemptuous.

All men who settled for conformity and mediocrity,

As they substitute the content of the heart

For the content in their wallets.

Is this really the road we want to follow?

Is this the world we want to live in?

Is this how we want to be remembered?

In a world full of inequality and injustice,

In a time where little is expected from Men,

Being a Man of Quality is an act of rebellion.

So let’s raise our glasses to the Modern Rebels,

To the Gentleman-Scholars

To the Warrior-Poets

And to the lost art of Chivalry.

To the Men battling to preserve a proper way of life,

As they are living proof

There are still Good Men in the world.

Let’s toast to the GentleMen whose currency is

His Honor,

His Character,

And his Integrity.

To the Noble Men

Who’s word is worth more than any contract,

And their handshake is worth more than any signature.

In a world full of full of people,

Telling you what’s you’re doing wrong,

Here’s to those that show you what to do right.

Here’s to a Sincere Man with a sincere smile

Here’s to Self-Confidence and Self-Respect.

Here’s to Personal Style and Personal Growth.

Here’s to men who set themselves apart,

            Not by the suit they wear,

But by their assertiveness.

Here’s to being rich in laughter and life.

Here’s to the wealth that comes from real friends.

And the luxury of knowing you are not alone.

Here’s to love in the face of adversity,

Here’s leaps of faith after a heartbreak,

And the daring needed to take them.

Here’s to those who hold themselves up to a higher standard;

To the Gallant,

To the Cavalier,

And to the Caballero.

Here’s to proving so many people wrong.

To being Men of Quality

To being a Gentleman.