What is there more kindly than
the feeling between host and guest?
Aeschylus
Some time ago, I spoke about the
importance of being a proper
host. And this is a topic you can find endless articles online if you take
the time to google for them. Yet, one topic that does seem to be overlooked is
the other side of the coin in the social engagement, the guest or rather, how
to be a proper guest. Just consider that without the guest, you can’t be a
host.
So what does it mean to be a guest? Basically
if you are invited into someone’s habitat or environment, and will be looked
over by them, you are a guest. Simple enough. But if you are being looked over
for, why would you need to care about your behavior? The answer to that
question is quite simple, because the line between guest and pest is rather
thin and easily missed. Just consider that when you act disrespectful as a
guest, you are directly insulting and disrespecting your host. With that in
mind, let’s look at the proper etiquette as a guest.
Attire:
The host will probably mention what kind of event this is.
If they don’t, you can easily figure this one out without too much of a mental exercise.
Just keep in mind that you can never be over dressed, so in doubt, dress it up.
The advantage is that as men’s clothing works in layers, you can easily tone
down your outfit by removing elements as required.
RSVP:
Even if the event isn’t an RSVP (Répondez s'il vous plaît,
literally "Reply if you please"), let the host know if you will be attending
or not. Also, either earlier during the day or the day before, call to confirm
if the event is still on, as something might have come up and the host might
not have had the opportunity to cancel with everyone. This also gives the opportunity
for the host to uninvited you in case you presence might be unwelcome and the
original invite was just a cordiality.
Punctuality:
You might think that I am going to start hammering the point
about punctuality, but in this case, I will recommend the opposite. This isn’t
a job interview or a business meeting. Most hosts will be fixing the place up
till the last minute or, because they were fixing up the place, will be fixing
themselves up as they might be running late. In this case, I recommend the opposite
that I would for an interview. Arrive up to 15 minutes late. This gives the
host a moment to relax before you get there.
Do avoid being latter than 15 minutes as the host will start
to wonder if you are getting there at all. If you are running late, DO NOT
TEXT. CALL THEM beforehand to let them know.
Never arrive empty handed:
The host is going through all the trouble of setting
everything up, the least you can do is contribute something more than just your
presence. The simplest thing would be to bring a bottle of wine, as it can be
later shared with the rest of the guests. If this is a non-alcohol environment,
or if you are stumped as to what wine, then simply bring some flowers.
Basically, bring anything that might lighten the host’s load.
NEVER outshine the host:
Sure, the host wants you to feel like you are the center of
attention, to make you enjoy yourself as much as possible. But the reality is
that the star of the show is the host. It is their event. They are taking
actions to make it a success. You are the recipient of their performance. You
are the audience. So taking the spotlight off of them is actually very disrespectful.
In cases where you are the “Guest of Honor,” give proper
credit and appreciation to the host. In truth, you become an extension of the
host’s efforts, so the spotlight should still be placed on them, even if shared
by you.
Avoid overstaying your welcome, unless you can:
This last piece of advice depends on the event and your
relationship with the host. There are few things that will ruin hosting as
guests who don’t know when to leave. Avoid placing your host in a situation where
they feel forced to invite you out on your way. Learn to read the room enough to
know when you need to make your exit. Thank the host accordingly before leaving
though.
In some cases, stay to help the host clean up. They went
through all the effort and work to make this a memorable event, the least you
can do is help clean up. Sometimes cleaning up after an memorable occasion is
just as daunting as having it. Maybe the host might just want everyone out.
Other times they might be praying that someone stays behind to help out. Learn
to read the room.
Be the kind of guest that people
want to have over, to share their events with. Consider that if your presence
isn’t memorable, your absence is inconsequential.
