6/19/14

A Gentleman is Selfish and Ladyless



It's the little boy that kisses my hand, the young man who holds the door open for me, and the old man who tips his hat to me. None of it is a reflection of me, but a reflection of them.
Donna Lynn Hope
If you do a quick search for online articles about being a Gentleman, you will notice a recurring trend. Almost all of them are either about how a Gentleman treats a Lady or about how a Gentleman should dress. And in a way that annoys me because it gives a rather mistaken interpretation of what it means to be a Gentleman. If we let ourselves be guided by these articles, a gentleman is basically a well-dressed heterosexual man, within the ages of finding a partner or has a partner. And many might be. But in a way it dissuades form the core reason you are a gentleman or who can even be a gentleman.

Based on those descriptions’, helping an old lady, helping a little girl, or helping anyone other than a romantic interest for that matter is not gentlemanly. That pretty much disqualifies most gentlemen, as if romantic advances where the core of a man’s behavior. Based on this, if the person you are helping is not an attractive lady you might chase, or your current romantic interest, your actions are not even considered gentlemanly. If taken as is, this definition places as a prerequisite for being a Gentleman, that the man must be straight, as if sexual orientation had anything to do with it.

None of this makes any sense.

The absolute reality is, you are a gentleman for yourself. It’s not about impressing a woman, about impressing other men, or about impressing anyone. The reality is if you do it to impress anyone, you are doing it for the wrong reasons; Vanity and Vainglory. You do it because you expect a lot more from yourself. You hold yourself up to a high standard. You do it because you know you can be a better man and you know the only way to do this is to push yourself every day.

You, as a Gentleman, run the thin line between Self-Confidence and Self-Doubt. You push yourself every day to be better, and restrain yourself from getting comfortable in your achievements. As much as you may want to brag about who you have become, you know full well that is the road to arrogance. You must guard against judge others who don’t do the same, because that’s not your obligation. 

You are not in it for the ladies, for the glory, or for the superiority. You are in it for YOU, because that’s what you deserve to offer the world. Everything else that happens is a result of this attitude.