Note: This is the second part of a two part article. The
first one, here,
dealt with what doesn’t define a Gentleman. Although each work independent of
each other, it might be a good idea to read part one first. Again, the traits
discussed define not only Gentlemen, but Ladies as well.
There are complete men and
incomplete men. If you would be a complete man, put all of your soul's strength
into all of your life's actions.
Eugenio
Maria de Hostos
When I was asked about doing this post, I will admit, I was apprehensive.
My initial thoughts were that each gentleman is different; each has their own
way of carrying themselves. If you then add the cultural background each might
have, the social standing, or even the educational level they might have; there
are more things that make them different than those that make them similar.
But if that is so, how is it possible to consider someone a gentleman
within a few seconds of meeting them? The reality is that what makes gentlemen
different is simply their shell, the superficial differences. It’s what lies
beneath the surface, the core of the man which unites them all under a single
banner, the banner of gentlemen.
So, that being said, what are these
core characteristics that make a gentleman, well, a gentleman? I have already
dealt with two posts focusing on the virtues
and values
that define a gentleman, so this post will focus more on the traits. With that
in mind, let’s get started.
Desire to
be better
Everything starts with a simple idea, the idea that you
can be a better man than you were before. Yet, all too often I have seen
how people confuse wanting to be more with thinking you’re not good enough.
Wanting to be more is simply that, wanting to be more. No matter how good you
are, you can always strive to be better, to push yourself past your own
expectations.
This attitude isn’t limited to your selected hobby or to a
certain age. A gentleman strives to be better than what he was yesterday, every
day. He is constantly pushing himself and challenging himself. Every action he
takes is an opportunity to go beyond what he thought was his best yet.
Discipline
The only way to be more and expect more from yourself is by
having the discipline to actually pull it off. Discipline, and discipline alone,
is what sets the stage of every achievement that defines a gentleman. Without
it, all you have is a onetime thing, wishful thinking, and aimless wanderings. Discipline
is what keeps you from faltering in your ways. Think of it this way. Passion is
what makes you take action while discipline is what keeps you doing it in a
regular manner, long after the mood is gone. It’s your ability to say no to
your selfishness and to force yourself to say yes when you don’t want to.
There is a reason why so many gentlemen warriors come from
martial backgrounds. In both the case of military men and martial artists,
discipline is the core frame over what everything else is built.
Respect
As you develop your discipline, you will develop a sense
of respect. You understand that everything is a struggle to keep in check and
that this struggle is different for every person. You begin to respect yourself
for your own discipline and respect for others as they challenge their own
lives and their own challenges. You learn to respect others, even if you don’t
agree with them.
Especially
if you don’t agree with them.
Some people say that respect is earned. A gentleman
understands that respect isn’t earned, but rather lost. And even when lost, he
still will treat the other person with respect. He does so, because his actions
speak of himself and not of the other person.
A gentleman will set the boundaries required to be treated
with respect based on the same boundaries he sets on himself to respect others.
This is a trait not everyone sees when dealing with a Gentleman as they only
tend to see how a gentleman treats others. A gentleman expects so much of
himself because it’s his way of showing himself respect.
Man of
Action
What are you willing to do to achieve what you want in life?
Accountability
But these actions
come with a responsibility. A gentleman understands that everything is an
action and all these actions have consequences. Do understand that actions are
not just doing something. Not doing something is an action as well, as it also
carries consequences.
A gentleman has to assume the responsibility of actions
taken, be these consequences good or bad. Accepting this responsibility results
in a more responsible attitude towards every action he takes. This leads to a
life of honesty, temperance, and self-control as a result.
Sense of Justice
And as you now understand how each action leads to a
consequence, you realize your responsibility within the scheme of things. You
realize you can be as much a solution to the problems of the world or become
part of the problem.
This one is not as simple as it reads. I am not talking
about taking up vigilantism. What I am talking about is an understanding of what is
just in the world, how you can help others. As you become aware of how much
good you can do, you realize the importance of doing this good. We must stand
up for what is right, for those that can’t stand for themselves. This sense of
justice guides us to be charitable with those who have less or simply need
help.
The big challenge here is doing this for those we don’t
agree with. It can’t be a selective attitude to do it just when it's convenient for us or only when we are confortable at the moment. It can’t be dependent on how others treat us. When we nitpick when we
believe in justice and when we don’t, it stops being about justice. We are just
looking for excuses to commit socially acceptable abuse.
Sensibility
The down side of this sense of justice is the overwhelming
realization of just how much bad there is out there. When you take the mantle
of challenging evil, you sometimes see evil everywhere you go.
The only way to counter this is to learn to see good, to see
beauty. For that you have to develop your sensibility. Sensibility is your
ability to appreciate the emotional aspect of life. It’s your ability to
appreciate beauty in a grim world. You might think this to be a trivial thing.
Yet in a world that won’t think twice about choking the life out of your soul,
the ability to find hope and appreciate the little things becomes a survival
tool.
Sensibility is something that can be learned and trained,
just as some people train themselves to live in negativity. By forcing us to
look at the beauty within everything, to appreciate and to be thankful of its
presence, we train our mind to look for it every day in everything.
Worldliness
As you become more aware of the world, you realize just how
big a world it is. You grow past the pettiness and small mindedness that
limits so many people who prefer a tiny bubble of a life, people who only think
of themselves. Gentlemen have burst that bubble a long time ago.
They know that the world is a big place with all kinds of
people, ideals, places, foods, experiences. It’s not about diving in, head
first, into this vast world (although it helps), but about understanding,
learning, and expanding your horizons.
Acceptance
Of Something Greater Than Yourself
As they realize the grandness of the world, a gentleman develops
a sense of humility about himself. This isn’t because he thinks of himself any
less, but because he has learned to appreciate things greater than himself. He understands
that his role in life is to serve these greater ideals and purposes.
Some define these greater ideals as their religious faith.
Others take on a social ideology. Still others go to a more immediate scale as
they use their community or simply their family as that totem of strength.
When you take on that life of service, you learn not only
humility, but graciousness. You don’t develop an attitude of expecting others
to serve you or follow you. Your actions are done because of a moral obligation
and not because you expect any payment whatsoever.
Attitude
of Confidence
It’s this mix of discipline, selflessness, strength, sensibility,
worldliness and humility that give the gentleman his most distinguishing trait;
his
confidence.
When I mention confidence, I am not talking about daring to
go out and meet people, or speaking in front of a crowd. What I AM talking
about is believing in yourself enough to take action. It’s believing that your
actions mean something to someone else. It’s understanding how you can make a
difference to someone’s life, even if that life is your own.
Confidence isn’t about ignoring what others think, but
understanding how believing in yourself and trusting yourself is more important
than what others think. This translates into an attitude of unstoppability so
common among any gentleman who has a mission in mind.
There are plenty of other traits and
characteristics that can be used to define a Gentleman. Many of them are
actually a result of a larger quality. For example, Honesty is a direct result
of accountability and temperance is a result of discipline. Sure, all gentlemen
are different, but the characteristics that make a good man, those are pretty
much standard for anyone. If there is a
standard to what a good man is, doing anything less means you can’t really
complain when you aren’t viewed as one.
