How To Become A Noble Man:

There are complete men and incomplete men. If you would be a complete man, put all of your soul's strength into all of your life's actions.

Eugenio Maria de Hostos

I once asked my grandfather how I could become a Caballero. He looked at me, somewhat amused at the question. He took a sip of his coffee and told me another story.

Do you know what's hell? Hell is the day you meet the man you could have become and then look into a mirror and see the man you actually became.

Many people will over complicate who they are simply to excuse not being more. They will complain that they don’t have the time to spend with their kids, yet have no problem making time to watch the ball game. They will complain how eating healthy is expensive, yet have no problem spending almost $10 in a Mocha Latte Triple Macchiato. They will complain how they wished they could be more romantic with their partner, yet spend their nights playing Call of Duty.

This is especially true within the “Social Justice Circle” as they will create morally acceptable excuses to do little while at the same time get a cheerleading section to back up their apathy. “I don’t dress up because I am my own man and magazines can’t tell me how to look.” “I am beautiful just as I am, so I’m planning to let myself go to a point that, even though I might be disgusting, I’m still beautiful.” “I swear like a trucker and treat others like shit because you can’t judge me.” “How dare you (work out/dress up/actually educate yourself enough on a topic to question my opinion). You’re the problem, not me!”

Personally, I am too tired to fight that fight, calling out all the bullshit excuses people use to actually do little for themselves. Because the reality is, it’s not that complicated to become a better man, or a better person. It’s not easy, but it’s not that complicated.

Start by defining who you want to be, what makes a better man in your eyes. Look at those around you, what do they do that inspires you? Do you want to be more dependable? More romantic? More honorable? Throw into the mix anything and everything you think makes a better man, a better you.

You know what you just did? You just created your own role model. In a society where role models are few and far between, having your own in your back pocket is more than just a social hack, it’s a survival tool.

Now for the hard part. Become that man. This takes work, self-sacrifice, and determination. It takes throwing away the ability to make excuses for your own behavior. You want to be more educated? Force yourself to study. You want to be more skilled at something? Force yourself to practice. You want to be there for those who you care about? STOP MAKING BULLSHIT EXCUSES AS TO WHY YOU'RE NOT THERE!

But here’s a little trick. Role play that man you want to become. Act out the qualities he has while you grow. Use him as a shell, as a suit that still fits to big, one that you will grow into. In simpler terms. Fake it till you make it.

After a while you will notice that the suit seems to shrink and fit better. The reality is that it’s not the mold that shrinks, but that you grow. And after a while you won’t need the mold any more as you became the man you wanted to become.

It might not be easy, but it’s really that simple.

Lay Down Your Arms

There comes a time when you must lay down your weapon.

Theresa Byrne

I mention time and time again the importance of keeping the warrior traditions alive within the Gentleman archetype. Without The Warrior-Scholar and the Warrior-Poet we can’t have the a true Gentleman, a man willing to stand when others would rather stay seated, a man willing to fight the good fight that others won’t and dares to do what so many are too frightened to consider. And this is good, and this should never (ever) be abandoned. Way to many people within our society are more than willing to stay seated and quiet when confronted with injustice, yet love to criticizes those trying to make an actual difference. That’s why we need (maybe now more than ever) the Gentleman-Warrior to stay alive.

But there is a down side to being a Warrior, one that we tend to overlook and too often forget to consider; sometimes you don’t have to fight.

During a conversation about memes, quotes, and sayings, fellow author and women-empowerment coach, Theresa Byrne, she shared this wonderful image that got me thinking. (The purpose of these quotes is to get you thinking) So often I speak about our obligation to fight, yet might forget to mention the importance of considering what fights we take on.

The reality is that not always do you need to fight, not always do you need to stand. Sometimes those we might view as our enemies are those who need a helping hand instead of a closed fist. Other times we might be the ones on the wrong side of a fight but our own righteousness blinds us. And it might even be that we don’t need to turn every disagreement into a trial by fire.

We are so often willing to throw ourselves into the heat of battle that we miss the very distinction that defines a warrior. We are so caught up in doing something right and being on the winning side that we forget to ask if what we are fighting for is right or how we fight is right. Way too often we get caught up in fighting to win, that we don’t consider the consequences of our actions.

I will admit its easy to have a sense of glory and pride in wining. It's very easy to forget that it only takes a few seconds to hurt someone but it sometimes takes years to repair the damage. Fighting for what’s right is defined by your character. Fighting to win is defined by vanity. Just consider your past arguments and challenges. Was the price of victory worth it? How much did you lose just to prove you were right? Did you fight because it was the right thing to do, or was it just your ego that needed the victory? There are times in your life when you need to put down your sword, unclench that fist, and offer an open mind . It might take great courage to pick up the sword, but it takes greater courage not to use it.

You Are Your Brother’s Keeper

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.

Japanese Proverb

A constant comment I keep reading from detractors from my articles is how a man can’t be expected to be responsible for others, how he is responsible only for himself. I cannot agree with this mentality.

A while back I wrote an article on how we are Role Models to those around us, whether we want to or not. This is especially true among your friends. A friend has a power that no other person has in someone’s life. You might dismiss the comments of strangers, as they have no idea who you are. You might dismiss the comments of your parents, as they are your “parents” and as a son it’s your rebellious nature getting the best of you. But friends? True Friends? They will tell you the truth to your face, even if you don’t like it. They are probably going to be more honest and direct than even the person with whom you are in a relationship.

And that power means you can influence their behavior with the slightest approval or disapproval. We tend to pick up our friend’s habits, hobbies, and attitudes as well as influence our friend’s actions and mentality. So by your own actions, by your own open approval or disapproval, can you be your brother’s keepers. And this is very important when it comes to your social responsibility. How you carry yourself will set the bar for your friend’s life.

So next time you see a friend making a stupid life decision or think it’s ok to laugh at his racist jokes, or his rape comment; stop and consider just how responsible you are for his actions. Next time you decide to act irresponsible; consider how your actions are going to let him know what’s right and what’s wrong.

Learn to Ride your Wolf

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.

 Al Capone

If you have spent any time looking over any social media site, you must have come across the tale of the two wolves. If you haven’t, let me give you the cliff notes edition. It tells that within every man there exist two wolves. One wolf is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The moral is that you become the Wolf you feed. And I would agree with the story and it’s emotionally touching moral; except I don’t.

This is a story about the importance of restraint. And I am the first to state the importance of learning to have self-control and restraint. The problem with the story and with most comments out there about restraint is denying the violent side that is part of our nature by starving it. They seem to forget that if you starve a wolf, he becomes dangerously desperate.

We can’t kill off this side of our nature. Anger, hatred, regret, and resentment might seem like negative emotions that should be stamped out as we civilize ourselves. But we can’t, not if we accept our role as warriors. When properly channeled and controlled, these emotions push us to be more than we thought we could be.  They give us the courage to fight a battle we know is already lost, to get back up after we have been knocked down, to stand up to meet a challenge when it would be easier to just sit down. When everyone says that something can’t be done, that something is impossible, it’s these “negative” emotions that let you stand up proud and spout the greatest challenge you can offer the world:

Just watch me.

The problem is placing a bridle over your beast. It’s too easy to fall sway into to the emotions, to fight battles just to prove you can. In these cases, your ego will guide your fist. And that is where you have lost your battle, no matter the outcome. So you must find an outlet for this beast, a release valve. Because life will feed this wolf for you, with every frustration, ever argument, every traffic jam, every idiot holding up a line when you are rushed and every self-centered simpleton you will have to deal with. The wolf will grow and start eating at your soul. So give it an outlet.

Keep in mind that this is not a “Guy Thing.” Women have to deal with their own Beast, as this part of human nature has nothing  to do with gender.

Pick up a physically and mentally demanding hobby, something you can cut loose on. Be it fighting, painting, writing, dancing, or whatever you want. The important aspect when making this choice is that it must be something that requires some level of control. This hobby will work two fold. First, it will give the beast an outlet, keeping it from growing too much. Second, and even more important, it will teach you to call upon your beast when you need him, and be able to keep him under control.

Gandhi said it best when he said “It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence.” And in this life, you will need to call upon your wolf just to survive.