Hosting 101

A gentleman has his eyes on all those present; he is tender toward the bashful, gentle toward the distant, and merciful toward the absent.

Lawrence G. Lovasik

A few days ago, a clip from The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon caught some attention because of how he and Nicole Kidman first met. Several years ago, Nicole Kidman (certified by People Magazine as one of the 10 most beautiful people in the world) was interested in meeting Mr. Fallon, so she had a friend set them up. When she got to his apartment, he had no idea what to do or what to say, and not knowing it was that she was interested in him, proceeded to play videogames.

Watch the hilarious disaster below. 

He tried to excuse his behavior by stating he didn’t know this was a “date.” Others online dismiss it as the “awkward Geeky” Guy, and find it adorable. Me? I’m just am glad that Keth Urban came along and showed Ms. Kidman that #NotAllMen prefer Video Games to Ladies. Because even if he didn’t know it was a date, she was his guest and the very least you can offer a guest is your attention.

And I can bet he is not alone. I had previously mentioned the importance of having your home properly set up, but how do you handle visitors, be it romantic, professional, or simply amicable guests. So with that in mind, let’s deal with the basics of Hosting.

Hosting is not having a couple of college friends over to drink beer, eat chips and day old pizza, and play video games. There is nothing wrong with this, but this is definitely not hosting. Hosting is about creating a proper impression on your guest. So let’s break this down.

Attire:

I think mentioning that sweatpants, stained tshirts, trucker caps, or flipflops is not proper attire to greet should be obvious. Consider how you would dress up if you were meeting them outside; now take it down a bit. It’s that simple.

Food:

Unless this is a dinner party, food should be kept light. If your skills in the kitchen are lacking, sure, pull out the cheese and crackers. Just remember that cheese is for mice and crackers are for parrots, so… consider brushing up on your kitchen skills.

You don’t need to go full blown restaurant style hors d'oeuvres, but making some kind of appetizers should be fine. Look up some simple recipe in YouTube, especially something you could “improvise” in front of your guest. This way it doesn’t look like you planed it out.

Sprezzatura, my friend.

Refreshments:

Let me make something clear here, I am not saying you should have a fully stocked bar, or that you should be a trained mixologist. What I am saying is have options. Not everyone drinks scotch (Hey, I have learned to respect everyone, no matter their taste in poisons), not everyone drinks beer, and not everyone is a fan of wine. Some people don’t even drink spirits at all. Don’t force your own tastes on your guests, they are your guests after all. 

Be able to mix up something simple like a Mojito or a Martini if you really want to show off. Maybe have some Sangria premade in the fridge “just because.” I think that having some good coffee and the proper equipment to make it is a must, but then again I openly admit being a coffee addict.

Try to have the proper glassware for each spirit you might serve. Red Solo Cups are fine for frat boys, but you are no longer in a frat or are a boy. Cheap glasses are always better than expensive plastic cups.

Entertainment:

Do you know what is the most important item of entertainment in your entire home? YOU. Everything else should blend in the background and frame you as it’s your obligation to entertain your guest. They came over to see a movie? No. They came so YOU could share a movie with them. Same goes for music, and even Video Games. I would even advise against these things, except for music. The visit should be about conversation and enjoying each other’s company. Music should be used to set a mode, not to dominate it.

Special Note on the Video Games: Unless the guest brings over a game, DO NOT TURN ON YOUR GAME SYSTEM. Be an Urban, not a Fallon.

 

Nothing Is As Impressive As The Man Who Believes In Himself.

With confidence, you have won before you have started.

Marcus Garvey

As someone who has spoken and writes about relationships, about men, and about women; there are several questions that I am constantly asked.

Why are women attracted to bad boys?

Why do guys go after the models?

What is the most attractive quality a woman/man can have?

Is having a likeable personality as important as good looks or having money?

Is it true that women want a guy who can make them laugh?

And the list goes on. Most of these questions are based on a social bias or personal experience the person making the question has. And I have given somewhat vague answers at one time or another. I say “vague” because I am a firm believer that if you can’t offer a simple explanation, you don’t really understand the topic. So after some thought and discussion with other like-minded gentlemen and ladies, I have reached that simple answer I was looking for.

Non-Apologetic Confidence!

It’s not having a likeable personality, or being funny, or being bad, or working as a model, or having a lot of money. Let me first clarify a few of these misconceptions. “Likeable” is pretty subjective. What one person finds likeable, another can find as irritating. Being funny? Last I checked stand-up comedian or clown was never listed among the sexiest professions a man can have. And the kind of partner who might find you attractive because of your money is exactly the kind of partner you want to avoid.

But what about models and bad boys? You haven’t mentioned them yet.

The one thing that models (not the Instagram kind) and bad boys have in common is that aura of self-confidence, the “I am who I am, and I don’t care what you think.” These people are defined by themselves, and not under the idea that they must conform to other people’s standards, they are who they are and aren’t ashamed of it. They actually revel in who they are, enjoying it without need to excuse themselves. The image of confidence is the world’s greatest aphrodisiac.

Sure, women are attracted to the bad boy because he provides a sense of danger and makes them feel rebellious, especially if the lady in question has led a rather safe (restrictive) life. The reality is it’s his confidence. The bad boy isn’t necessarily bad, but rather proud of his rebellious attitude, unwilling to water themselves down to make weaker people comfortable. There is also the motherly sense of “I can fix him”, but that is material for another article.

Men, on the other side, are attracted to models, not because they just stand there and look pretty, like so many women might assume. What they find attractive is that confidence to walk (or stand) with such confidence that they are unfazed by the staring glances and comments of others. They will wear those heals, sway those hips, and stand proud, unashamed but rather empowered by themselves.

Do understand that in both cases, this is the image projected. The bad boy might be an abusive asshole who will never change or the model might be an insecure emotional disaster. But the image they exude, the aura around them, is one of absolute power brought about by their apparent confidence.

Am I promoting faking confidence? I am not above advising to “fake it till you make it.”

I do recommend working on your confidence. Hold your head high, and walk like you own the world. If you make a mistake, learn from it. But NEVER put yourself down. You will have plenty of people willing to do that for you.

Believe in yourself. Believe that there is nothing you can’t do. Smile just enough to let the world know you “got this.” Gaze intense enough to let the world know you won’t back down. And NEVER EVER apologize for being YOU!

Hope, Sadness, and Anger. All thanks to nail polish.

What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.

Saint Augustine

A few months ago, the internet went on a buzz over what some could consider the most mundane of things; a nail polish. But this was no ordinary nail polish, but one that would change color when exposed to some of the most common “Date Rape” drugs out there. Developed by four NCSU male students, this product has been the cause of some ridiculous controversy online, but more on that and why I explicitly stated that it were male students later.

Date Rape Drugs are nothing new, as it has been a concern of many women and men who frequent the club scene for years. The typical scenario is that the drug is slipped into the person’s drink. They won’t realize they have been drugs till it’s too late, if they realize it at all. And products to detect these drugs are nothing new, available in the form of cards and test strips. There are even workshops to teach women how to Drink Safe. So why the controversy? It wasn’t till I had an interesting conversation with a rather opinionated and pro-feminist woman that I realized a few things, as her comments were rather interesting.

First off, she told me how the fact that it was men who developed this, and not women, gave her hope in men today. The reasoning is quite simple. As men, they are probably not going to have to deal with either Date Rape Drugs, nor will they probably use Nail Polish. This product in no way helps them or protects them directly. Sure, they will benefit financially, but the reality is that this came about as a means to protect women from a very real and ever present threat.

She actually went even farther as to say that she would have been saddened if it had been women. That would have meant that probably this was a response to having dealt with this issue in a personal manner. That is why many of the current test strips and workshops came about, organized and developed by a woman who wants to keep other women from suffering the same situation.

And then she got to the controversy, and that’s when she went ballistic.

Several feminist websites are going all out against what is basically a drug testing tool. Their complaint is how this product does not help out women.

"We should be trying to stop rape, not just individually avoid it."

I could not have made this comment up if I tried. Apparently rape is not something that is individually suffered. Some have gone as far as to try and discredit the viability of the product; product that has already been tested and proven. Some have even gone as far as saying that this product promotes the use of Date Rape Drugs!

And that is when I went ballistic. I agree, with the logic behind some of the comments stated in these sites; women shouldn’t need products like these. But the reality is we live in a world where monsters (not willing to even consider them human) are willing to drug a person. And while we fight this problem and change the world, we cannot deny the reality of the world. This product provides an additional tool for women to avoid becoming victims of these monsters.

Several years ago, I taught an Anti-Rape Self Defense Class to women. The intention of this class was simply to provide them with the tools necessary that if the situation arose, they would be a little better prepared, and hopefully be able to escape. Does this mean that I am promoting rape? According to these feminist sites, Yes.

I am horrified how they site are using something that could help out women, and ridicule it, simply to drag hits to their sites. In this particular case, they seem more interested in creating controversy (creating movement in their site) than actually helping or recognizing the benefits of the product, as they haven’t done the same attacks to women developed workshops for safe drinking or existing products.

We need to view things for what they are, we need to view any step forward as a step forward. And we seriously need to stop the “if it doesn’t fix all our problems, let’s not even try it.” As a fellow blogger/writer Alex Yarde once said, “because you can't do everything doesn't absolve you from doing something."