Hosting 101

A gentleman has his eyes on all those present; he is tender toward the bashful, gentle toward the distant, and merciful toward the absent.

Lawrence G. Lovasik

A few days ago, a clip from The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon caught some attention because of how he and Nicole Kidman first met. Several years ago, Nicole Kidman (certified by People Magazine as one of the 10 most beautiful people in the world) was interested in meeting Mr. Fallon, so she had a friend set them up. When she got to his apartment, he had no idea what to do or what to say, and not knowing it was that she was interested in him, proceeded to play videogames.

Watch the hilarious disaster below. 

He tried to excuse his behavior by stating he didn’t know this was a “date.” Others online dismiss it as the “awkward Geeky” Guy, and find it adorable. Me? I’m just am glad that Keth Urban came along and showed Ms. Kidman that #NotAllMen prefer Video Games to Ladies. Because even if he didn’t know it was a date, she was his guest and the very least you can offer a guest is your attention.

And I can bet he is not alone. I had previously mentioned the importance of having your home properly set up, but how do you handle visitors, be it romantic, professional, or simply amicable guests. So with that in mind, let’s deal with the basics of Hosting.

Hosting is not having a couple of college friends over to drink beer, eat chips and day old pizza, and play video games. There is nothing wrong with this, but this is definitely not hosting. Hosting is about creating a proper impression on your guest. So let’s break this down.

Attire:

I think mentioning that sweatpants, stained tshirts, trucker caps, or flipflops is not proper attire to greet should be obvious. Consider how you would dress up if you were meeting them outside; now take it down a bit. It’s that simple.

Food:

Unless this is a dinner party, food should be kept light. If your skills in the kitchen are lacking, sure, pull out the cheese and crackers. Just remember that cheese is for mice and crackers are for parrots, so… consider brushing up on your kitchen skills.

You don’t need to go full blown restaurant style hors d'oeuvres, but making some kind of appetizers should be fine. Look up some simple recipe in YouTube, especially something you could “improvise” in front of your guest. This way it doesn’t look like you planed it out.

Sprezzatura, my friend.

Refreshments:

Let me make something clear here, I am not saying you should have a fully stocked bar, or that you should be a trained mixologist. What I am saying is have options. Not everyone drinks scotch (Hey, I have learned to respect everyone, no matter their taste in poisons), not everyone drinks beer, and not everyone is a fan of wine. Some people don’t even drink spirits at all. Don’t force your own tastes on your guests, they are your guests after all. 

Be able to mix up something simple like a Mojito or a Martini if you really want to show off. Maybe have some Sangria premade in the fridge “just because.” I think that having some good coffee and the proper equipment to make it is a must, but then again I openly admit being a coffee addict.

Try to have the proper glassware for each spirit you might serve. Red Solo Cups are fine for frat boys, but you are no longer in a frat or are a boy. Cheap glasses are always better than expensive plastic cups.

Entertainment:

Do you know what is the most important item of entertainment in your entire home? YOU. Everything else should blend in the background and frame you as it’s your obligation to entertain your guest. They came over to see a movie? No. They came so YOU could share a movie with them. Same goes for music, and even Video Games. I would even advise against these things, except for music. The visit should be about conversation and enjoying each other’s company. Music should be used to set a mode, not to dominate it.

Special Note on the Video Games: Unless the guest brings over a game, DO NOT TURN ON YOUR GAME SYSTEM. Be an Urban, not a Fallon.

 

Your World Is As Big As You Make It.

If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.

Haruki Murakami

One of my biggest causes of procrastination when I write is when I head over to Wikipedia to look up more information about a concept. Yes, I know that Wikipedia is not a completely trustworthy source of information, but I am not going to condemn the good because of the perfect. But I digress. The reason I call Wikipedia my greatest source of procrastination is how easily a simple search turns into 20 open tabs and at least 3 hours of just browsing information.

Am I surprised? Not really. As a kid I would grab an encyclopedia (to the younger readers, this is how old people used to find information, google it up.) and just flip through it. That was my first glimpse of the largeness of the world. I learned of the Far East, and the Not So Far West. I learned of Ancient History and of Modernity. I would “travel” all over the world, and even across time and space with every book, with every entry, and I learned just how small my world was when compared to how big the world really is. And as the saying goes, a mind expanded by knowledge can never shrink back.

People assume education is what you get at school or college. Sure, we get taught about history and science at school. We are taught about art and music (or used to before the school system gutted some of those programs). But consider just how much attention you paid to your teachers, especially those teachers you didn’t like. The reality of education and knowledge is not based on what classes you take or what degree you reach or what certification you achieve. Truthfully, those are just pieces of paper you place on a wall stating that you attended classes and learned to pass tests.

Some will assume that self-education and knowledge for knowledge’s sense is a waste of time, viewing ideas different from their own as something to be crushed. I fear these people, as they already decided that personal ignorance is an acceptable way to live and will attack anyone who thinks differently just to support their personal insecurities.

Education and knowledge is what you experience and what you learn, not out of necessity, but out of genuine interest. We no longer live in a world limited by our access to a library or even a book, as today the world’s knowledge is at our fingertips. And yet some only chose to read what they already agree with, what other liked minded people recommend. We limit the information we receive, only accepting what will not offend or challenge our world.

Mark Twain once said “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.” The same applies to knowledge.

You have to avoid conscientiously and willfully limiting your world, creating your own borders and limitations. Read books that challenge you, books smaller men would ban or censor. You don’t have to take any of them as true, and don’t even have to agree with them. What you do have to do is try and understand them, where they come from, what ideas and cultures lead to them. And as a result your world will grow. You have to broaden your horizon, as wide as the world itself. And when it has reached this width and extent, realize that the universe is limitless.

The Importance of Sanctuary

Noble life demands a noble architecture for noble uses of noble men. Lack of culture means what it has always meant: ignoble civilization and therefore imminent downfall.

Frank Lloyd Wright

A man’s sense of style should permeate into everything he does and everything he touches. No place should this be more evident than in his home. As with how you dress, you should understand that where you live is a direct reflection of who you are. People will actually perceive an even clearer portrait of who you are from where you live than from how you dress. And yet, this is one of life’s aspects that many Gentlemen tend to neglect.

If you take care of your clothes and yourself, understanding that it is a direct reflection to your attention to detail, why do you disregard the very place gives you sanctuary? Treat your home as you do your clothing, always keeping it clean and ready for inspection. This is not about having any kind of OCD, but about respecting yourself enough to take care of where you live. Also understand that anyone who walks into your habitat will be inspecting and judging everything that is on display the same way that they do with your appearance, manner of dressing, and behavior. As a social creature, you will be having guests every now and then, so be ready for that eventuality.

Here are a couple guidelines you should take into account when dealing with your sanctuary.

• Many “guys” treat their apartment as their childhood room, expecting “Mom” to come in and clean up. Others think it’s an extension of their college dorm room or even as a large scale “Man Cave”. That usually means they think that someone will come in at some point and pick up the mess, usually when the stench of old socks becomes unbearable to the rest of the people living with you. This is no way to live. Your home should be your refuge of the outside world, a place where you are at peace. That means YOU are responsible for your own place.
• Remember when choosing decorations, it is not only about your comfort alone, but also the comfort of your guests. Having interests and hobbies is fine, but just because you like something, does not mean everyone understands them. Items here and there can become conversation pieces. Overdoing it just shows an unhealthy obsession. Having a themed toilet means you need to seek help.
• Levels of privacy allow you to pick and choose just how much of yourself people get to see and how much you are willing to open up to them. Consider these levels of privacy if your interests are something you really want to share with all your guests. Keeping in line with the sports hobbies, maybe that collection of signed jockstraps, signed by the athlete, might not be something you want in the public space.

For simplicity sake, you can divide your home into three levels of privacy. There are also several rules of thumb that should be taken into account. If you the challenge of decorating overwhelming or you don’t trust your own taste in design, you should consider consulting with an interior designer or at least find a friend with some design flair. Be careful about whom you ask for help, though. If you ask your current paramour to assist you, they might get the wrong idea, and think you plan to ask them to move in at a later date.

Public Space: Foyer, lounge, dining room, and deck.

This is any space for entertaining general guests. These are the areas openly available for anyone to whom you open your door.

Here is where you present your public persona and lay out your social accidents. These spaces should talk about you the same way your clothing does. Are you a global trekker? Display a couple pictures from your trips, maybe have a book or two on interesting countries you have been to or plan to visit. Are you a musician? Why hide it? Have your practice instrument lying around “casually” for your easy access. Get the concept? You will guide the conversation without a single word. Look at your home right now. What does it say about you if you were not you?

Keep in mind that this is the first impression anyone gets when they enter your home. The main theme in your foyer is to be inviting, while the lounge should always portray comfort for, well, lounging. Even if you never actually use the dining area for dining, have a table available. This can double as a work desk or an improvised conference area. Not all homes will have a deck, a patio, or a balcony; but if you do, treat them as an exterior lounge. 

Semi-Public Space: Kitchen, bar, and one bathroom.

This is a little less public and a little more personal, or at least should feel like it. You are letting people see the part of the secrets behind the magic of your life. Guests should feel that you are opening up to them that you have a closer relationship with them, if they step into these places.

A kitchen should always have enough equipment to be able to improvise a meal on the fly, and I am not talking about canned spaghetti or dry ramen. Remember, where is where the magic happens for what you served in the dining room. Do try and avoid having left-over dishes in the sink for too long, for it will make the place smell like the back-lot of a restaurant.

Not all homes will have a bar, so at least have a presentable liquor cabinet. Have a variety of spirits available, keeping in mind that not everyone likes the same drinks you do, but keep a bottle of your favorite just in case. You should also have a bottle of high end spirits for those special moments. The fact that the liquor cabinet is stocked means you have enough self-restraint to not have emptied it.

Although bathrooms are usually not within the public domain, have one ready for guests. People will ask to use your bathroom, if for nothing else, to look into your medicine cabinet. Set it up with a couple magazines and some generic items. Avoid keeping here anything compromising or that can lead to assumptions.

Semi-Private Space: Master Bedroom and bathroom.

You will probably think how your bedroom is exactly that, YOUR room, and you will have it just like you want to have it. And that works fine, if you have no intention of getting anyone else into that space. You are a host, and as a host, you have to keep your guests happy, but some guests you plan to make happier than others.

This might sound like something said over and over by your parents, but keep clean sheets and an orderly room. When you find out you will move your private dinner party to the even more private bedroom is the worst instant to remember you forgot to put away the dirty underwear left airing out on the bed. You might not agree with the following, but avoid having a TV in the bedroom. Bedrooms should be for bed related activities only and the TV should be a social activity, left to the lounge.

As for the bathroom, same rules as with the guest bathroom apply here, to a lesser degree. Just remember to avoid anything “inconvenient” lying around or accessible. Keep in mind that if you have a “guest” stay over, that person WILL look over whatever you have in the bathroom.

Bonus, The Private Space: personal space.

Be it your shop, your personal office, or simply a cabinet, this is where you keep your most inner passions and secrets away from prying eyes. This is for you alone. Keep any critical document here. Think of it the same way you would a safe. Just remember that if something happens to you, this will be the first place that will be looked into.