With confidence, you have won before you have started.
As someone who has spoken and writes about relationships, about men, and about women; there are several questions that I am constantly asked.
Why are women attracted to bad boys?Why do guys go after the models?What is the most attractive quality a woman/man can have?Is having a likeable personality as important as good looks or having money?Is it true that women want a guy who can make them laugh?
And the list goes on. Most of these questions are based on a social bias or personal experience the person making the question has. And I have given somewhat vague answers at one time or another. I say “vague” because I am a firm believer that if you can’t offer a simple explanation, you don’t really understand the topic. So after some thought and discussion with other like-minded gentlemen and ladies, I have reached that simple answer I was looking for.
It’s not having a likeable personality, or being funny, or being bad, or working as a model, or having a lot of money. Let me first clarify a few of these misconceptions. “Likeable” is pretty subjective. What one person finds likeable, another can find as irritating. Being funny? Last I checked stand-up comedian or clown was never listed among the sexiest professions a man can have. And the kind of partner who might find you attractive because of your money is exactly the kind of partner you want to avoid.
But what about models and bad boys? You haven’t mentioned them yet.
The one thing that models (not the Instagram kind) and bad boys have in common is that aura of self-confidence, the “I am who I am, and I don’t care what you think.” These people are defined by themselves, and not under the idea that they must conform to other people’s standards, they are who they are and aren’t ashamed of it. They actually revel in who they are, enjoying it without need to excuse themselves. The image of confidence is the world’s greatest aphrodisiac.
Sure, women are attracted to the bad boy because he provides a sense of danger and makes them feel rebellious, especially if the lady in question has led a rather safe (restrictive) life. The reality is it’s his confidence. The bad boy isn’t necessarily bad, but rather proud of his rebellious attitude, unwilling to water themselves down to make weaker people comfortable. There is also the motherly sense of “I can fix him”, but that is material for another article.
Men, on the other side, are attracted to models, not because they just stand there and look pretty, like so many women might assume. What they find attractive is that confidence to walk (or stand) with such confidence that they are unfazed by the staring glances and comments of others. They will wear those heals, sway those hips, and stand proud, unashamed but rather empowered by themselves.
Do understand that in both cases, this is the image projected. The bad boy might be an abusive asshole who will never change or the model might be an insecure emotional disaster. But the image they exude, the aura around them, is one of absolute power brought about by their apparent confidence.
Am I promoting faking confidence? I am not above advising to “fake it till you make it.”
I do recommend working on your confidence. Hold your head high, and walk like you own the world. If you make a mistake, learn from it. But NEVER put yourself down. You will have plenty of people willing to do that for you.
Believe in yourself. Believe that there is nothing you can’t do. Smile just enough to let the world know you “got this.” Gaze intense enough to let the world know you won’t back down. And NEVER EVER apologize for being YOU!