The Melancholy of the Thin Blue Line.

Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us.

Oscar Wilde

Last night I sat down with a group of friends, a rather diverse group who many of them have relocated to this area. I guess that very diversity, or the second scotch, led the conversation down the road of melancholy and nostalgia, as we discussed things we missed about our hometowns. By the time they asked me, my answer was simple.

The Thin Blue Line.

Let me explain as you probably have the same confused expression they had at that moment. I have been blessed (or cursed, depending who you ask) with constantly relocating. For me, moving to a new location carries very little anxiety. Some people develop strong roots growing up, roots that tie them emotionally to a specific place. Since I moved around so much, this never really happened. Except for the ocean.

In all my relocations, I have always lived pretty close to the ocean. Till now. Now I live inland, and have no view of the ocean. And for the first time in a long time I can’t see that line between the bright blue sky and the deep blue sea.

We think that we will miss the big things when there is a change in our lives. The reality is that what we will miss will probably be those things we take for granted, those constants we assume will never change. And yet, these are some of the sacrifices we must do to move forward in life.

It’s fine to miss who you were, and the comforts of old memories. Do I miss the bluer sky? The deep sea? Yes. These things defined who I am today. Yet these things must never become anchors keeping me from moving forward.

Take the time to look around at the simple things. Enjoy where you are now. Appreciate it. Soon enough it will all become a memory.

Look Past the Moon. The Dangers of Having Goals.

I have been in the revenge business so long; now that it’s over I do not know what to do with the rest of my life.

Inigo Montoya

So many stories are told of the single mindedness of Vengeance; movies where the action hero how must avenge something, anything, and that becomes his all-consuming goal. And the movie conveniently ends in the same right when he achieves his goal, as he kills the main bad guy, topples the evil corporation, frees the slaves, and “wins the damsel.” (Not going to comment on the “wins the damsel.” There is enough material in that aspect to make an independent post on the subject.) Cut to him riding into the sunset, queue credits.

This is the guys version of “happily ever after.” And just like “happily ever after,” it’s a load of cr…., an absolute LIE!

These stories focus on a specific time-frame, where what happens before or after have little if no consequence to the story. The reality is there IS an ever after, the repercussions of the grand victory, a constant continuation of the story. And when your focus your life on achieving a rather specific goal, no matter what it is, you risk three very real dangers.

The first danger of having an all-consuming goal is nothing you do will be viewed as valuable. Unless the final goal is reached, everything else is irrelevant, no matter how much good, or how well you do. Nothing will satisfy you. You will never be able to view how much you have traveled, as you focus on how much further you must go. And if you never get to achieve it, you will view your life as wasted.

The second danger is actually being able to achieve your goal. There is a dreaded sense of emptiness that comes from not having a target goal after you have spent part of your life with an all-consuming goal. What then? Look for the next challenge?

The third danger is usually the one least considered, and actually the most dangerous of all. When all your focus is placed on a pinpoint aspect, you will miss everything else around you. And that is where the value of life is really located, in the surprise, in finding the amazing in the random.

So, should you just float aimlessly though life? No. Have a north to guide you, and learn to navigate within this north. Set a goal, but not as a target. Bruce Lee said that “a goal is not always meant to be reached; it often serves simply as something to aim at.” Set a goal as a general direction, and learn to read the winds. Let life guide you within that direction. You will reach the stars if you don’t limit yourself to the moon. 

Old Enough to be Young

Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.

C.S. Lewis

When I was a child, knowing what was right and wrong was easy. Either its right or it’s wrong. Does it hurt someone? Then it’s wrong. Does it make someone happy? Then it’s right. A pretty simple philosophy when you place happiness as a priority. Running around, climbing trees, playing games, making friends, treating animals kindly.

The life of a child is simple. If it rained you got wet. If you get hurt, a kiss could magically make everything better. And yet the shadow of the horrible “You’ll understand when you’re older” looms over the child as the terrible death of innocence.

So I started to grow older, not by choice mind you. And then I became opinionated, and rebellious, and socially minded. I began rebelling against what was established, believing in a radical concept, if it hurts someone, it’s wrong. And again I was force fed “You’ll understand when you’re older” as an excuse to do wrong to people.

And at some point in my life I grew up. I am not sure when it happened. The playful child turned into the rebellious teen, who in turn became the “older guy who understands.” Being right became more important than doing right. Doing well became more important than doing good. Do you know what the price for “growing up” is? Happiness stopped being a priority.

So I decided that I don’t want to be the “older guy who understands.” I want to go back to the days when if it rains, you get wet, and if you get hurt, a kiss could magically make everything better. So I have decided to play, to love, and to live. I have realized that the child I was before new a lot more about life than the man I grew up into.

If anyone wants to find me, look for me fighting imaginary dragons, or building sand castles, or dancing, or laughing, or looking for a kiss to make everything better or simply splashing in the rain!

Don’t Fear Becoming a Dangerous Man.

The most dangerous man … is the man who is able to think things out ... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos.

H. L. Mencken

If you look over my articles, I avoid as much as possible establishing rules to follow or even guidelines. Many of the different concepts presented are up to personal interpretation. At best I can give people warnings based on my own mistakes (which have been plenty) or point them to a general direction based on my own path (again, based on my experience, read as the plenty of mistakes mentioned before). Why? Wouldn’t it be easier just to tell you what to do and how to act? Shouldn’t explanations like “Because I say so” and “We have always done it that way” be enough?

NO!

Question everything and everyone, including yourself. Read, think, analyze, and come to your own conclusion. There is a reason for everything, even if that reason is not evident or apparent. Learn to think outside the box. Way to many times people don’t understand a problem because they are actually asking the wrong questions or confusing results with problems.

Be wary of gut feelings and emotional reaction as well as “convenient” analysis, for both are there only to excuse and justify behavior. People tend to react emotionally, assuming that their “heart” is always right. If this is true, emotional manipulations and heartbreak would never be. Also the “convenient” analysis is just as dangerous. You know, the bullshit reasons you use to justify doing the wrong thing.

And accept that you can and will be wrong in your decisions. You will make mistakes and you will have to reconsider previous comments and actions. There is nothing wrong with this. It’s called growth. This attitude and acceptance will keep you humble, but will give you limitless confidence at the same time. When you’re not afraid to be wrong, you can dare to do anything. 

And with that confidence comes empowerment; the ability to challenge every idea and notion that gets regurgitated thoughtlessly by every group of sheep and line followers out there. This empowerment will give you the courage to stand when everyone else is sitting down. It will open your eyes to the truth behind the mysteries of life, letting you conquer what you didn’t even know was there. And it will give you the most dangerous gift that you will have to endure, Personal Liberty, as you realize how hard it is to deal with and how much it will elate you. 

Just remember what Oscar Wilde said, “An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.”

Boring is a Choice.

Being boring is a choice. Those mild salsas and pleated khakis don’t buy themselves.

The Most Interesting Man in the World

A few months ago, I was having coffee with an old mentor of mine. During our conversation, he mentioned how much he enjoyed watching the Monaco Grand Prix on TV, to which I asked him why he had never seen it in person. Keep in mind that this is a semi-retired Gent with no real obligations or ties holding him back. His reaction let me know that he had never even considered that possibility. You could see him mentally scanning for reasons why he had never done this, yet came up blank. He then realized he had become a victim to his own stagnation.

We tend to complain about how boring our lives are when compared to others, especially in this overly connected world of social media personal marketing. We see what others are doing, their exploits and adventures, and are left with little more than petty envy. Yet the very choices we do every day condemn us to our boring existence.

Sure, that 20 hour Netflix marathon or that 15 hour gaming run might be fun, but isn’t there something better to do with your day than spending it stuck on a sofa, eating the same pizza and ice-cream? After it ends, you are left with what? Memories of a TV series of someone else’s life or of the adventures than never happened in your real life? 

Go out and live! Every action and every decision you take today determine how your reality tomorrow. Challenge yourself constantly. Expose yourself to new people and new experiences. That is the only way to truly expand your horizons.

And this begins with the small things in life. That lady you walk by the street every day in your way to work, wondering if you will ever be brave enough to talk to her. Start by giving her a smile and see where it goes from there. Next time you are thinking about going out, go to a different place than your usual spot. That place you keep Googling about, that country whose culture you are so fascinated about? Visit it. At best you will love it, at worst it will make an interesting story to tell.

Keep in mind I am not talking about the stupidity of YOLO, doing something without taking into consideration the repercussions of our actions. I am talking about CARPE DIEM, my friends. Seize the day. Take actions thinking about the memorability of it, how it's repercussions will resonate till the day you die. What stories will you tell your grandchildren? What grand adventure will you relate in your memoirs? What will anecdote will they tell during your eulogy?