Being A Charitableman

Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.

Muhammad Ali

One of the defining aspects of being a man of virtue and character, a true Gentleman, is what you are willing to do to help others. You see it in almost all their everyday actions and manners; be it holding a door for someone to mentoring someone. What not everyone knows is that this is the time of the year when the Gents head out in force to help other men be more; so I thought it appropriate to call out some of the recent and upcoming events that you Caballeros out there might be interested to learn about and participate.

Last Sunday, September 27, was the Distinguished Gentleman’s Ride. For those unaware of the Gentleman’s Ride, this is a yearly even were “more than 37,058 smartly-dressed gentlefolk in 410 cities from 79 countries will straddle the saddles of their café racers, bobbers, scramblers and other marvelous custom motorcycles to raise awareness and help fund the cure for prostate cancer.” They were able to raise about 2.25 million dollars worldwide, but are still accepting donations. If you missed it this year, start planning for next year’s ride.

For something closer to this date and a lot easier to do, MAN MADE has brought up again their Gentleman Up campaign and has determined October 9^th as #FormalFriday. If you use #FormalFriday on Twitter and Instagram that day, MADE MAN will donate $1 to CAREER GEAR in support of the development of men in need. So this Friday, suit and be counted. For those that haven’t heard about the Gentleman Up campaign, I am including last year’s and this year’s promotional videos below.

 

Also, please remember that “the hairiest month of the year is almost here” as next month is Movember. For those unaware what I’m talking about, “The Movember Foundation is a global charity committed to men living happier, healthier, longer lives. Since 2003, millions have joined the men’s health movement, raising $650 million and funding over 1,000 programs focusing on prostate cancer, testicular cancer, poor mental health and physical inactivity.” This is the big daddy of all Men’s Help & Health movements.

It’s important to mention a couple of other charities helping men be more. If you happen to have a suit you’re no longer using, remember that you can donate them to That Suits You if you’re in the New York area or Suited & Booted if you’re in the London area.

Please let me know of any other charity organization helping men and boys become more, so I can add them to future posts. It doesn’t take much to make a difference, but that difference might mean the world to someone else, so please be a charitableman.

Additional Good

Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others.

Plato

We’ve all been there. We wake up with the best intentions and attitude possible. As we head off, our heart and mind are set to make this a good day. And as we head out, it just take one thing to change this all around. What could possibly happen that turned your entire attitude from positive to negative?

Assholes happen.

This is pretty common. We all know just how contagious negativity is. It just takes one person being a jerk to you to turn your entire mindset, turning you into a jerk in the process. Now, instead of the world having to deal with one asshole, it has to deal with two. And as you move on, you end up sucking another person’s positivity, creating yet another asshole, and that one creates another, and so forth.

But did you know that it also works the other way around?

Your day’s not going do great, and then someone simply smiles in your direction. They paid for your morning coffee, to your surprise, or they helped you carry your bags up some stairs, or opened a door, or something as simple as said “Good morning” and hoped that you have a good day. Your entire outlook of the day changed. So as you head out, you do the same, changing another person’s mood for the day. And they do the same forward, and so forth.

We have all heard the phrase “pay it forward” but that involves you paying forward what you’ve received. Why not simply have that positive attitude and take those positive actions without the need of receiving it first? You might not think that something as simple as saying “have a nice day” as you step out of an elevator means much, but it means more than enough to someone who needs it without knowing.

All it takes is one person to stand up, to take action. Others will follow. And as soon as you have a small group, inspired by a single act, the entire crowd will join in. You don’t believe me? Here’s a simple example below.

It just took one man to take action. The next one joined in to help. Then another. Next thing you know, the entire crowd in the place joined in to help. Do you think the crowd would have helped if it wasn’t for that first person? They would have probably stood there, holding their cellphones, recording the entire situation, waiting for the authorities to do something.

If you ever doubted that a single man could change the world, consider how the actions of a single man can inspire another man to act. And now those two men’s actions can inspire others. Suddenly, the acts of one man became the inspiration and lead for an entire movement. Just make sure that those actions are to make good men, not more assholes. We have plenty of those already.

Learning To Do Good Things From Bad People.

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.

Khalil Gibran

There is a social side effect of surrounding yourself with the right people; you end up surrounded with the right kind of people. This isn’t always a good thing. I know that comment makes little sense when taken alone, but I promise I’ll explain in a second.

When we start looking to change, to evolve, like-minded people will gravitate towards you. After a while, you will notice how much your world has changed for the better. And often it changes so much that you might forget why this change was necessary, why you started down this path. You might even start taking for granted all you have grown and how much society has grown, as you become comfortable with where you are.

Then you see some idiot shows you just how messed up the world still is.

It might be something that popped up in the news, some post in your social media, or even some comment made by a random person. At this point you will wonder where the hell this person came from since, within YOUR world, this kind of mentality is so uncommon. That’s the problem… within your world.

As you surround yourself with the right people, you tend to forget that the wrong people are still out there. All too often we assume that our work is mostly done simply because we no longer have a front row seat to the disasters that humans so often are. These people and these events come into our lives to keep us from forgetting the good fight. I am not saying that we should be grateful for these kinds of events, but that we should never forget that they still happen, even if they become fewer within our lives.

So, no matter how well you are doing, still go out into the world to do good. There is plenty of good that still needs to be done. Don’t make your world so small that only those who think like you live there, but keep it large enough to still see those you don’t want to see. And never forget why you started down the path.

How’s Your Hero Training Going?

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson), Taken

The movies have let us vicariously live out our hero fantasies where we head out and defend our family’s honor, rescue the damsel in distress, or protect our country.  We find ourselves reflected on screen every time the hero, an average guy with above average virtues and skills, takes on overwhelming odds and ends up proving that a good guy with determination can stop the evils of the world. Or at least we want to think we are reflected onscreen. But is that the hero we will have the chance to be? Or will we be given a chance to be another kind of hero?

The reality is that it’s highly improbable that we will be forced to fend off foreign nationals from taking over our favorite coffee shop, stop that overly elaborate plan by criminal masterminds to steal your friend’s purse, or even stop that armed intruder from breaking into your home. I am not saying that you won’t be given that opportunity, but are you doing good? Or are you simply stopping bad?

I am not saying that you shouldn’t stop the bad elements of society, but the amount of effort we take into preparing to handle evil isn’t close to comparable to the amount of effort we take into preparing to dish out good. You will probably have a chance to do those more often than you will to stop evil.

But training to do good? Isn’t doing simply doing good? Yes it is, but some good requires some knowledge.

Do you know what to do in case someone falls and twists their ankle or breaks a bone? Sharing dinner with someone who’s suddenly choking? Someone having a stroke or a heart attack? Could you even identify when it happens? Could you identify when someone is drowning if you saw them? Do you know how to make a tourniquet or give CPR? You would be surprised how those first couple of minutes might completely change a situation.

Let’s be more practical yet, do you know what to do in case you run into someone whose car battery died? Who accidentally locked in their pet or, worse yet, their child, in their car? Even something as simple as change a tire? Do you know how to help parent trying to deal with their child having a meltdown? Do you even know what a meltdown is?

In a world of 911’s and roadside assistance, we have forgotten some of the basic skills needed to survive a chaotic world. With the world’s knowledge in our fingertips, we assume that we will have time to Google up whatever information we need. That’s not always possible, be it because time is off the essence or because your adrenaline is running too high to try to type.

We, as men, also assume that things are as easy as they look in the movies, that we instinctively know how to use a car jack or jumper cables. We assume that our inner action hero will automatically kick in and we will instinctively keep our cool. You would think that by know you knew that “assuming” is never the same as knowing.

Ironically, in a world where women have chosen to challenge the gender stereotypes, plenty of women have actually learned how to jump-start a car or change a tire. Yet it’s this same challenge to gender stereotypes that have lead plenty of men to never learn, ending up in a situation where it’s the lady saving them.

Before you start whining about how you were never taught these things, keep in mind that you have the world at your fingertips. Do you have the nearest hospital’s emergency number in your phone? Do you have the nearest police station? Between “Fail” or Cat Videos, have you taken the time to at least view a basic CPR tutorial? Most community centers actually offer basic first aid and CPR classes, either free or at a very low cost. Most have pamphlets to inform and educate the public about how to help those who need help, especially those whose “issues” aren’t as evident. This not only keeps you from being another inconsiderate asshole, but actually helps them deal with a selfish society that usually ignores them, and so often abuses them. It might be a good idea to read these over instead of reading over the latest reality TV gossip.

You have the opportunity to be a hero every day. You will be placed in situations where what you think is a simple act, will mean the world to the other person. You will be constantly be given the opportunity to prove what kind of a person you are. The reality is that being a good is pretty easy when you are actually ready to do good.