If You’re Destined To Be A Warrior, Be One With A Cause.

Warriors are not what you think of as warriors. The warrior is not someone who fights, because no one has the right to take another life. The warrior, for us, is one who sacrifices himself for the good of others.

His task is to take care of the elderly, the defenseless, those who cannot provide for themselves, and, above all, the children, the future of humanity.

Sitting Bull

Every so often I like to bring attention to Gentlemen who have taken opon themselves to make this world a little better simply because it’s the right thing to do. I have mentioned before importance of organizations like the Café Sospeso, the Brothers for Sisters, and That Suits You. Today, I bring you one that I learned about last year, one that exemplifies that a modern warrior scholar should be, Bikers Against Child Abuse.

Some men are forged by a hard life and become hard themselves. These men don’t shy away from the stereotypes that society places on them, but rather embrace it as an honor. Bikers are like this. Their badass aura and an even worse reputation sometimes don’t always reflect their gentle hearts and honorable intentions. But instead of trying to conform within society, some use what could be considered a social stigma, and use it for good.

Children who have been the victims of abuse live in constant fear, as usually their abusers were someone they trusted.  To them, that monster hiding in their closet or under their bed is more real than what it should be. Even if their abuser is no longer around, the fear is still there. So how do you handle a scary monster? By getting an even scarier champion.

Even kids know that nobody messes with bikers. Bikers look big, and strong, and mean, both in real life and in how they are portrayed on television and in films. They are easy riders, sons of anarchy, not afraid of anything and, more importantly, they take care of their own. A child who has been abused by someone bigger and stronger knows too well what it feels like to be small and vulnerable. BACA shifts that balance, by putting even bigger and stronger people, a lot of them, on the child's side.

If ever the child feels threatened, scared, or simply wants someone to be there, they simply have to call, and a couple of riders will come by. They are there to provide a safe environment, a place for the child to feel secure. This might be to scare of the abuser, to walk with the kid to school, or simply to stand guard all night in front of the house to scare off nightmares.

Not everyone is accepted within the BACA. These men train for their duty, as many are actual social workers and all are required to pass a string of background checks and training courses to deal with the emotional strain of their duty. But instead of trying to explain their ideology, I think their creed says it better than I could.

I am a member of Bikers Against Child Abuse. The die has been cast. The decision has been made. I have stepped over the line. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past has prepared me, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I dont have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by the faith in my works, and lean on the strength of my brothers and sisters. I love with patience, live by prayer, and labor with power.

My fate is set, my gait is fast, my goal is the ultimate safety of children. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are tried and true, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and showed up for all wounded children. I must go until I drop, ride until I give out, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me, for He will see my BACA back patch and know that I am one of His. I am a member of Bikers Against Child Abuse, and this is my creed.

BACA Creed 

Old Traditions And New Worlds

Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.

Pablo Picasso

Many of those who read my posts comment and compliment my support to the old traditions and old virtues of life. Some of those who don’t agree with me do so under the ideals that change is inevitable and that we must cast aside old traditions to give way to a better future. So…Who is right? Is the older generation’s support of time tested traditions better? Or is it the younger generation’s desire to bravely go into uncharted lands better?

If I am to be completely honest, I have to say both.

Life is the result of a constant evolution, redefinition, and reinvention. But this isn’t about change for change’s sake. It’s about understanding why things were done in a specific way and why they worked. Then, and only then, can we try to change them, or at least develop them into something more. Old isn’t always right and New isn’t always better.

Doing something in a specific way simply because “that’s the way it’s always done” is the worst reason imaginable to do it that way. We must always try to consider why it was done that way. And usually there is a very good reason behind it, and that’s why we keep doing the same thing over and over.

The older generation needs to understand that change has been a constant in life, and they don’t need to feel threatened by it. Things no longer useful should be discarded as they only serve to hold us back.

Changing something simply because “change is good” is also the worst reason why things might need change. Dismissing the old simply because it’s old is literally ignoring all our previous experience and knowledge before making a decision.  

The younger generation needs to understand that they are no more special than every single generation that came before them. Things that work shouldn’t be discarded, but rather improved upon. And we can only do this after we learn and understand them.

We need to understand traditions but we also need to understand the need to challenge them. Only when something has stood against being challenged can it be of any true value to you. There needs to be a balance between the old and the new within your life. Only when you appreciate what has come before you can you move on.

A Cavalier’s Steed

The cars we drive say a lot about us.

Alexandra Paul

Ever had a conversation with someone where the person came to an absurd conclusion that you wish could dispel, but in reality kind of agreed with them? A few weeks ago I was discussing the origin of the words Caballero and chivalry, and how they related to the Old French chevalerie. The all originated from the Latin caballarius which simply means ‘horseman.’ The person looked at me and smiled before opening their mouth.

So guys have been using their rides as a status symbol since the Romans?

I am not sure if my poker face held, but for a split second time froze while I had to keep myself from openly applauding his thought process. In a way he was right, but not in the way he thought. My reply was a simple one.

Riding a warhorse doesn’t make you any more a warrior than carrying a sword.

I have always stated how we need to extend who we are to everything we do and everything we own. I have mentioned this about the clothes on your back and the roof over your head. So why should it be any different when we talk about the ride you use? The reality is that your ride doesn’t make you any more of a gentleman than your suit does. Yet so many men put on a suit thinking it makes them gentlemen, just as they buy a car thinking it will change them magically into something else.

This is a social trap that men will fall into at some time in their lives. Getting a bike or a sports car won’t turn you any more adventurous than getting family car will turn you into a family man. Yet men will buy the sports car or the bike thinking that they are challenging the status quo. They will buy the soccer mom/dad SUV or the electrical/hybrid thinking that practicality will give them maturity and responsibility.

There might be something positive to say about practicality, but then again, if we only thought about practicality, we wouldn’t dare to do anything in life and we’d all be wearing jogging suits every day. There is something positive to say about daring, but if your boldest act in life is what car you drive, you should reconsider why you bought it.

The reality is that you are you, and the best you can do is work to make a better you. Your car should simply reflect who you are. There is nothing wrong with driving a sports car, or a hybrid, or an SUV, or a pickup, or even, dare I say, a minivan, just as long as that is who you are.

PS: Word to the wise to all Gents out there. Trying to convince your significant other that a 2 seater sports convertible could be called a family car is a losing battle that will haunt you for years.

Do We Really Let Men Be Better?

I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than on the opinions of others.

Marcus Aurelius

For the longest time since I began Being Caballero, I was confused over who my main audience was. When I looked at Facebook’s media matrix, I just couldn’t understand how my largest audience was men between 25-45, yet they were the ones who least “engaged” with my posts. I saw how “Dating Advice” or “Business Empowerment” sites had better movement among my main audience. I actually considered redefining out target mission because of it, especially since a few of these sites had approached me a couple of time. That’s till I received a message from “Andrew from New York.”

Mr Caballero, As a 30 year old newlywed I often find myself thinking about the kind of person, the kind of man I would like to be for my wife and future family. I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your thought-provoking writings about character and all your shared nuggets of wisdom. Your content is in its own class, and so refreshing in a sea of click-bait noise and "list" articles that do nothing for the soul. Please continue to do what you do and know that you are making a tremendous impact. Thank you, Andrew

Before you all think I post these kind of private messages as a habit, I actually asked his permission beforehand. We get those every once in a while, usually keeping them private. Yet this one was different, since as I wrote my response to his message I came to an epiphany. It’s not that men don’t want to become better; it’s that we have told them that wanting to just be better is wrong and something to hide.

All these “Dating Training” or “Business Empowerment” sites and workshops provide men with an excuse to be better, as they offer an endgame mentality. Train with them, you’ll get more women or follow their system and you’ll make more money. Both of these pursuits (women and money) are actually more acceptable within our society than wanting to be a better man. Ironically, neither money nor casual relationships are a true measure of the kind of man you are. We, as a society, have made men think that wanting to be better is an admission of weakness, that there is something wrong that you need to fix.   

Let’s do a mental exercise so I can better illustrate what I mean.

Let’s take a good look at “John” and what we have taught him about being a man. John love poetry but is afraid to let his friends know about it, as they will probably ridicule him. He will hide his online history from everyone, not because he is searching porn, but because he doesn’t want anyone finding out his reading list. He posts online using a pseudonym to avoid anyone knowing about his talent. He will sneak into composition and literature classes yet will hide in the back of the classroom to avoid anyone noticing, specially the teacher. He will go to poetry readings, yet will hide out in the dark corner of the club. When his friends find out about his interests, he will excuse it as he “learned it to pick up chicks.” This excuse will actually get him the approval of his friends.

Why does John go through all this trouble to hide his passion? Because he’s afraid that that his friends will consider his interests in poetry as something that lessens his masculinity. He's afraid that women will think of him as weak for having a genuine interest developing his art. He's afraid of seeming as a man with no real interests in his financial future as art is dismissed as a flight of fancy.

We need to let men know that there is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself with no endgame in mind. We need to let men know that there is no shame in having a passion and that wanting to be better doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you to begin with. We need to let men know that self-betterment isn’t something you do when your young and we actually need to teach our young men that they can always be better. Because the truth is, no matter how good you are, you can always be better.