The Craftsman And His Apprentice (Guest Post)

Again, the wordsmith Luke Davis graces us with another of his posts. I leave you now with “The Craftsman and His Apprentice.”

As an apprentice Jim was given the job of making bread boards, knife blocks and other simple household knickknacks. The complicated work of course was done by Simon who did the chairs and cabinets and other ornate work. Every Saturday on market day, Jim’s work would be put outside for sale while the ornate work was reserved for inside. Every week nearly all of Jim’s goods would sell while only very rarely did Simon’s, but when they did they sold for quite a large sum of money. This bothered Jim a little.

Firstly, he always worried about his work, he was only a new apprentice and his products lacked the finesse that Simon could have done. Every Saturday he fretted over every flaw that people might see in his goods and resolved to do a better job next week. Secondly, he wondered why Simon put the worst goods, Jim’s, out on display where everyone could see while he hid his finest quality work inside the shop. Surely Simon would make a greater profit with his best material forward.

So one day Jim asked Simon about his worries, why did Simon do things this way? Of course Simon answered. “I have my finest work on display, every week my customers walk by and they can see what sort of man I am crafting. If I couldn’t craft a man I would merely be a carpenter and of no use in this town. Furniture they can buy in yonder city, but only men like me can take a boy like you and turn him into a man. So when I judge you ready, a craftsman you shall be, and together we will craft more men. Parents will seek us out hoping to place their sons at our door because every week for longest of times they have seen my finest work.”

Guesting 101

What is there more kindly than the feeling between host and guest?

Aeschylus

Some time ago, I spoke about the importance of being a proper host. And this is a topic you can find endless articles online if you take the time to google for them. Yet, one topic that does seem to be overlooked is the other side of the coin in the social engagement, the guest or rather, how to be a proper guest. Just consider that without the guest, you can’t be a host.

So what does it mean to be a guest? Basically if you are invited into someone’s habitat or environment, and will be looked over by them, you are a guest. Simple enough. But if you are being looked over for, why would you need to care about your behavior? The answer to that question is quite simple, because the line between guest and pest is rather thin and easily missed. Just consider that when you act disrespectful as a guest, you are directly insulting and disrespecting your host. With that in mind, let’s look at the proper etiquette as a guest.

Attire:

The host will probably mention what kind of event this is. If they don’t, you can easily figure this one out without too much of a mental exercise. Just keep in mind that you can never be over dressed, so in doubt, dress it up. The advantage is that as men’s clothing works in layers, you can easily tone down your outfit by removing elements as required.

RSVP:

Even if the event isn’t an RSVP (Répondez s'il vous plaît, literally "Reply if you please"), let the host know if you will be attending or not. Also, either earlier during the day or the day before, call to confirm if the event is still on, as something might have come up and the host might not have had the opportunity to cancel with everyone. This also gives the opportunity for the host to uninvited you in case you presence might be unwelcome and the original invite was just a cordiality.

Punctuality:

You might think that I am going to start hammering the point about punctuality, but in this case, I will recommend the opposite. This isn’t a job interview or a business meeting. Most hosts will be fixing the place up till the last minute or, because they were fixing up the place, will be fixing themselves up as they might be running late. In this case, I recommend the opposite that I would for an interview. Arrive up to 15 minutes late. This gives the host a moment to relax before you get there.

Do avoid being latter than 15 minutes as the host will start to wonder if you are getting there at all. If you are running late, DO NOT TEXT. CALL THEM beforehand to let them know.

Never arrive empty handed:

The host is going through all the trouble of setting everything up, the least you can do is contribute something more than just your presence. The simplest thing would be to bring a bottle of wine, as it can be later shared with the rest of the guests. If this is a non-alcohol environment, or if you are stumped as to what wine, then simply bring some flowers. Basically, bring anything that might lighten the host’s load.

NEVER outshine the host:

Sure, the host wants you to feel like you are the center of attention, to make you enjoy yourself as much as possible. But the reality is that the star of the show is the host. It is their event. They are taking actions to make it a success. You are the recipient of their performance. You are the audience. So taking the spotlight off of them is actually very disrespectful.

In cases where you are the “Guest of Honor,” give proper credit and appreciation to the host. In truth, you become an extension of the host’s efforts, so the spotlight should still be placed on them, even if shared by you.

Avoid overstaying your welcome, unless you can:

This last piece of advice depends on the event and your relationship with the host. There are few things that will ruin hosting as guests who don’t know when to leave. Avoid placing your host in a situation where they feel forced to invite you out on your way. Learn to read the room enough to know when you need to make your exit. Thank the host accordingly before leaving though.

In some cases, stay to help the host clean up. They went through all the effort and work to make this a memorable event, the least you can do is help clean up. Sometimes cleaning up after an memorable occasion is just as daunting as having it. Maybe the host might just want everyone out. Other times they might be praying that someone stays behind to help out. Learn to read the room.

Be the kind of guest that people want to have over, to share their events with. Consider that if your presence isn’t memorable, your absence is inconsequential.

Date A Man Who Dances (Guest Post)

Luke Davis, the Naïve Idealist, graces our site with his thoughts on dating and men who dance.

Date a man who dances because a man who dances is one of the strongest men alive. A man who dances has faced his peers and told them “Begone, give me room to move.” He is no ordinary man, when you date a man who dances that strength lies by your side. Within easy reach is a man who has convictions and isn't afraid to live by them, When you date a man who dances you can trust he is standing behind his conviction that you are a person worth dating and he won’t back down. A man who dances may have strength in his arms but his real strength lies in his mind and his passions and a man who dances has the strength to use them.

When you date a man who dances under his strength he owns a softer side. He understands the language of touch and he is strong enough to listen. A man who dances knows how to hold you. He can feel your every thought. When you date a man who dances he can tell when you are afraid, excited, in love, trusting, happy or sad. If you date a man who can dance when he holds you he also knows how to talk to you when you touch. When a man who dances holds you he can turn you around, turn you up or turn you on. His hold can make a bad day sunny, he can hold you tight so you never want to let go. A man who dances can hold you in such ways that you can close your eyes and let go and know he won’t let you fall.

A man who dances isn't a normal man. When you date a man who dances he will show the very heartbeat of life around you. He will tap it out for you until your feet want to move and your fingers twitch to the beat. A man who dances will show you that every sound has a flow and ebb and his body can float through these waves. A man who dances can take you on a journey through peaks and troughs more gloriously than any speedboat ride and when it stops you’ll be left with an empty spot you didn't know needed filling.

You see when you date a man who dances he knows how to lead. That speedboat ride wasn't chaotic and random. He sees those crests and valleys and he will take you through them with ease. Because a man who dances has the path picked out. When you date a man who dances you won’t stumble because when he’s holding you he already knows you’re on the wrong foot. A man who dances will change the move so your wrong foot is exactly the right foot. A man who dances will give you so many opportunities to ride those crests and be graceful, sexy, seductive and exuberant that you won’t understand how no one else can make you look and feel that way. A man who dances knows how to lead you to those places and he isn't afraid to take you there.

When you date a man who dances he makes you feel that way because he has passion in abundance. A man who dances knows that a passion shared is a passion doubled. He doesn't hide it from the world or let it squalor at the bottom of his heart too afraid to let it shine. A man who dances wants you to be so caught up in his passion that you don’t want to let go, He wants you to hold him while he dances as if nothing else existed and have that very passion reflected back to him. He wants to see his passion shine from your eyes as you ride those crests. He wants to see it turned into seduction, pleasure and desire, to see it beat out through music, rhythm and movement and a man who dances needs someone there to follow him.

You will never feel as alive as you do with a man who dances. A man who dances will show you how to live in a way that is primal. He will take your heart and your mind to a place most have forgotten. When you date a man who dances he will destroy your concepts of what men should be and show you what men really are. When you date a man who dances you must be prepared to never look back at ordinary men because few will ever hold the flame that a man who dances does. Nor will ordinary men be able to take you to the places a man who dances can. Dating a man who dances is a one way trip to a world of beauty which few can return untouched and none forget. He will set a standard you didn't know could be reached and the ordinary will never be as satisfying again.

How To Order A Martini Like A Man (Who Knows What He’s Doing) (Guest Post)

There are few things that have become iconic to the gentleman’s image; the tailored suit, chivalry, and a Martini (shaken, not stirred).  Myself? I am more of a Scotch on the Rocks kind of Gentleman and my knowledge of ordering Martini’s is hindered by a language gap as some of these terms I know but in Spanish. For that reason when our friends over at Mantelligence came up with this article, I asked if it could be reposted here. Do take the time to look over their site as they are now releasing the Mantelligence App, something you might find entertaining as well as enlightening. With that said, I give you:

How To Order A Martini Like A Man (Who Knows What He’s Doing)

I’ll take a Hendricks martini, bone dry but extra dirty, shaken then stirred, up and with a twist and two olives.

When you first hear someone order a martini, you would swear they were speaking a foreign language. You hear English words, but have no idea what the hell they just said. Ordering the cocktail is a bold choice and the martini ordering lingo alone can add a significant amount of stress your first order.

A first timer’s thought process often goes like this, “Alright self, time to step up and get a Martini. Okay I think I want it dirty. Wait, what makes it dirty? Did I want it dry? Shit, what does dry even mean? Do I want this thing up? Or is it straight up? Maybe down? Does ordering a martini down even exist? I mean, I know I’m down for this martini. Screw this, bartender, I’ll take a beer.”

Sound familiar? Martini ordering doesn’t have to be hard, in fact, after your first time it’s pretty easy.  In this guide, I’ll show you how to order a martini like a pro. We’ll start with the basic like what a martini even is in the first place, move on to some common martini ordering lingo like dirty, dry, wet, up, olive or twist, and finish with some of the best martini drinks to start with.

How to Order a Martini Like a Pro

Before we dive into things, let’s make sure we’re all on the same page.

What is a Martini?

So, what is a martini? As complicated as the cocktail seems (and can get) a classic martini is gin, vermouth and an olive. To make one, a bartender would pour gin and vermouth over ice and stir gently. Then, they would strain the mixture and pour it into a martini glass. To finish, they would add an olive on a skewer.

That’s a martini, nothing more, nothing less.

This article will teach you everything you need to know about martini ordering, but if you’re just looking for a simple first martini order, start with, “I’ll take a Bombay Sapphire Martini, stirred with an olive.”

If you say that confidently, chances are the bartender won’t ask you too many questions. Now, if you want to know what the hell you just ordered, keep reading.

Dry, Dirty, Shaken and Stirred: The Martini Ordering Lingo

What Makes a Martini Dry? Wet? Put simply, the amount of vermouth added is what makes a martini dry or wet. The drier the martini, the less vermouth it has. As you’d expect, the wetter the martini, the more vermouth it has.  Vermouth adds a sweet taste to the cocktail, so the wetter your martini, the sweeter it will be.

There are three basic calls here: dry, wet or nothing.

Dry

Ask for your martini dry and you’ll get a drizzle of vermouth. If you say extra dry, or bone dry, you may get a drop or two. The less vermouth you ask for, the more bite your martini will have.

Bone dry is how Winston Churchill drank his martinis. If you request a Churchill Martini, you’ll get a nice chilled glass of gin.

Wet

Ordering your martini wet will get you extra vermouth. This will be considerably sweeter than a dry martini.

Nothing

If you don’t specify wet or dry, you’ll get the standard five parts gin to one part vermouth. A standard martini will have a little bit of a bite but not too much.

When I order martinis, I prefer the standard 5:1 ratio. To me, this ratio gives the martini a nice balance: it’s not too bitter or too sugary and you can taste the alcohol without it being overpowering.

A Note on Vermouth

Vermouth is a type of fortified wine that’s flavored with herbs.

It’s predominantly produced in France and Italy and comes in sweet and dry forms. As with most wines, you can find vermouth in both red and white varieties.

Martinis are made chiefly with dry white vermouth.

What Makes a Martini Dirty?

A dirty martini has olive juice or brine added to it. When the olive brine is added, it makes the cocktail look hazy (or dirty). Many people swear by the dirty martini as the brine adds a nice salty kick to the drink. While this kick tastes good, the olive brine also masks the taste of the alcohol. Because of this, dirty martinis are looked at as the intro or the rookie martini.

So, if you want to order like a pro, skip the dirty martini.

Shaken or Stirred

Anyone who has seen a 007 movie knows that James Bond likes his martinis “shaken not stirred”. In a shaken martini, the gin, vermouth and ice are added to a cocktail shaker and as you might have guessed, rigorously shaken. The mixture is then strained and poured into a martini glass. A stirred martini is gin and vermouth poured over ice, stirred, and, as before, strained into a martini glass. Certain martinis should be shaken and certain stirred.

My recommendation is a shaken martini for anything with a juice added, such as a dirty martini, and stirred for anything that’s just spirits, such as the standard martini.

The Garnish: Olive, Twist or Gibson

As you’re starting to see, when ordering a martini, you have quite a few choices to make. Your garnish puts the final touches on the flavor of your cocktail, and is an important part of knowing how to order a martini like a pro.

Olive

Johnny Carson famously said, “Happiness is finding two olives in your martini when you are hungry.” Serious martini drinkers go as far as to claim that an olive is what makes the martini a martini. The olive gives the cocktail a subtle salty kick, but not nearly as much kick as the dirty martini has. Don’t eat the olive until after you’ve finished your martini. Doing so will inevitably make you look like a rookie.

With a Twist

If you ask for your martini “with a twist” you’ll get a thin twisted lemon peel as your garnish. The lemon twist gives the martini a nice kick of citrus. As a man, I would never order a martini with a twist. A spiraled lemon peel is almost as bad as the little umbrellas accompanying the drinks you wouldn’t be caught dead ordering (like a sex on the beach).

Gibson

The two most common martini garnishes are with a twist or an olive. If you’re feeling a little more adventurous you can order a Gibson martini. A Gibson comes garnished with a few pearl onions on a skewer. Instead of a briny or citrusy flavor, the onions have a subtle earthy taste.

Martini Up or Down

When you order a drink at the bar, you often need to say if you want it “up”, “neat”, “on the rocks”, etc. This is perhaps the one part of a martini that’s easier to order than other drinks. A martini by definition comes “up”. Ordering it any other way would be really weird.

“Up” means you want your drink chilled and poured into a cocktail glass. These are both hallmarks of a martini. A lot of the confusion comes when people throw “straight up” into the mix. Sadly, “straight up” and “up” are two entirely different things. The term “straight up” is typically used with liquor, like whiskey, and means the same thing as neat.

For example, if you order a whiskey straight up you would get a glass of whiskey without anything added to it. When ordering a martini, try to forget that the term straight up exists. Something else to note, while grammatically neat and dirty are opposites, they are not opposites in terms of martinis. A dirty martini comes with olive juice or brine, whereas ordering a neat martini would just be confusing. The bartender would likely ask for clarification as you technically just asked for a warm shot of martini liquor.

Lastly, down doesn’t exist. I’m happy your down for a martini, but don’t order your martini down. The bartender will give you nothing but a puzzled expression.

So You Hate Gin? How to Order a Vodka Martini

If you know how to order a martini, you basically know how to order a vodka martini. A standard martini comes with gin, and while serious martini drinkers may look down on vodka martinis, many prefer the liquors taste.

To order a vodka martini, start with the type of vodka you want. Technically you could just say that you want a vodka martini, but then you leave it up to the bartender to decide the vodka. Pick one you like. After you specify the type of vodka, the order is essentially the same. As an example, you could say, “I’ll take an Absolut martini, stirred with a twist.” I like Absolut, but you can replace that with any vodka that you like.

If you want to try a vodka martini, start with a Gibson. Like I said above, the pearl onions pair really well with the vodka. To order a Gibson martini, just replace the word martini with Gibson: “I’ll take an Absolut Gibson”.

Best Martinis for Your First Order

Simplicity is key in your first order. Why? First, if you keep things simple, the bartender won’t ask too many questions. Second, this will give you a more unadulterated first taste of a martini. So, for your first martini, I would recommend a standard martini (gin not vodka), stirred and with an olive. As with the vodka martini, specify a gin that you like when ordering. Some good gins to try with your first martini are Tanqueray, Bombay or Hendricks.

In Conclusion

Gibson, twist, dirty, shaken or stirred. Knowing how to order a martini like a pro has a lot to do with knowing the martini ordering lingo. The terms that strike fear into first timer’s hearts will be the same ones that make you look like a pro at the bar. So put on your best clothes, find a nice bar and order your first martini with confidence!