There are few things that have become iconic to the
gentleman’s image; the tailored suit, chivalry, and a Martini (shaken, not stirred).
Myself? I am more of a Scotch on the
Rocks kind of Gentleman and my knowledge of ordering Martini’s is hindered by a
language gap as some of these terms I know but in Spanish. For that reason when
our friends over at Mantelligence came up with this article, I asked if it
could be reposted here. Do take the time to look over their site as they are now
releasing the Mantelligence App, something you might find entertaining as well
as enlightening. With that said, I give you:
How To Order A Martini Like A Man (Who Knows What He’s Doing)
I’ll take a Hendricks martini,
bone dry but extra dirty, shaken then stirred, up and with a twist and two
olives.
When you first hear someone order a
martini, you would swear they were speaking a foreign language. You hear
English words, but have no idea what the hell they just said. Ordering the
cocktail is a bold choice and the martini ordering lingo alone can add a
significant amount of stress your first order.
A first timer’s thought process
often goes like this, “Alright self, time to step up and get a Martini. Okay I
think I want it dirty. Wait, what makes it dirty? Did I want it dry? Shit, what
does dry even mean? Do I want this thing up? Or is it straight up? Maybe down?
Does ordering a martini down even exist? I mean, I know I’m down for this martini.
Screw this, bartender, I’ll take a beer.”
Sound familiar? Martini ordering
doesn’t have to be hard, in fact, after your first time it’s pretty easy.
In this guide, I’ll show you how to order a martini like a pro. We’ll start
with the basic like what a martini even is in the first place, move on to some
common martini ordering lingo like dirty, dry, wet, up, olive or twist, and
finish with some of the best martini drinks to start with.
How to Order a Martini Like a Pro
Before we dive into things, let’s
make sure we’re all on the same page.
What is a Martini?
So, what is a martini? As complicated as the cocktail seems
(and can get) a classic martini is gin, vermouth and an olive. To make one, a
bartender would pour gin and vermouth over ice and stir gently. Then, they
would strain the mixture and pour it into a martini glass. To finish, they
would add an olive on a skewer.
That’s
a martini, nothing more, nothing less.
This article will teach you everything you need to know
about martini ordering, but if you’re just looking for a simple first martini
order, start with, “I’ll take a Bombay Sapphire Martini, stirred with an
olive.”
If you say that confidently, chances are the bartender won’t
ask you too many questions. Now, if you want to know what the hell you just
ordered, keep reading.
Dry, Dirty, Shaken and Stirred: The Martini Ordering Lingo
What Makes a Martini Dry? Wet? Put simply, the amount of
vermouth added is what makes a martini dry or wet. The drier the martini, the
less vermouth it has. As you’d expect, the wetter the martini, the more
vermouth it has. Vermouth adds a sweet taste to the cocktail, so the
wetter your martini, the sweeter it will be.
There are three basic calls here: dry, wet or nothing.
Dry
Ask for your martini dry and you’ll get a drizzle of
vermouth. If you say extra dry, or bone dry, you may get a drop or two. The
less vermouth you ask for, the more bite your martini will have.
Bone dry is how Winston Churchill drank his martinis. If you
request a Churchill Martini, you’ll get a nice chilled glass of gin.
Wet
Ordering your martini wet will get you extra vermouth. This
will be considerably sweeter than a dry martini.
Nothing
If you don’t specify wet or dry, you’ll get the standard
five parts gin to one part vermouth. A standard martini will have a little bit
of a bite but not too much.
When I order martinis, I prefer the
standard 5:1 ratio. To me, this ratio gives the martini a nice balance: it’s
not too bitter or too sugary and you can taste the alcohol without it being
overpowering.
A Note on Vermouth
Vermouth is a type of fortified wine that’s flavored with
herbs.
It’s predominantly produced in France and Italy and comes in
sweet and dry forms. As with most wines, you can find vermouth in both red and
white varieties.
Martinis are made chiefly with dry white vermouth.
What Makes a Martini Dirty?
A dirty martini has olive juice or brine added to it. When
the olive brine is added, it makes the cocktail look hazy (or dirty). Many
people swear by the dirty martini as the brine adds a nice salty kick to the
drink. While this kick tastes good, the olive brine also masks the taste of the
alcohol. Because of this, dirty martinis are looked at as the intro or the
rookie martini.
So, if you want to order like a pro, skip the dirty martini.
Shaken or Stirred
Anyone who has seen a 007 movie knows that James Bond likes
his martinis “shaken not stirred”. In a shaken martini, the gin, vermouth and
ice are added to a cocktail shaker and as you might have guessed, rigorously
shaken. The mixture is then strained and poured into a martini glass. A stirred
martini is gin and vermouth poured over ice, stirred, and, as before, strained
into a martini glass. Certain martinis should be shaken and certain stirred.
My recommendation is a shaken martini for anything with a
juice added, such as a dirty martini, and stirred for anything that’s just
spirits, such as the standard martini.
The Garnish: Olive, Twist or Gibson
As you’re starting to see, when
ordering a martini, you have quite a few choices to make. Your garnish puts the
final touches on the flavor of your cocktail, and is an important part of
knowing how to order a martini like a pro.
Olive
Johnny Carson famously said, “Happiness is finding two
olives in your martini when you are hungry.” Serious martini drinkers go as far
as to claim that an olive is what makes the martini a martini. The olive gives
the cocktail a subtle salty kick, but not nearly as much kick as the dirty
martini has. Don’t eat the olive until after you’ve finished your martini.
Doing so will inevitably make you look like a rookie.
With a
Twist
If you ask for your martini “with a twist” you’ll get a thin
twisted lemon peel as your garnish. The lemon twist gives the martini a nice
kick of citrus. As a man, I would never order a martini with a twist. A
spiraled lemon peel is almost as bad as the little umbrellas accompanying the
drinks you wouldn’t be caught dead ordering (like a sex on the beach).
Gibson
The two most common martini garnishes are with a twist or an
olive. If you’re feeling a little more adventurous you can order a Gibson
martini. A Gibson comes garnished with a few pearl onions on a skewer. Instead
of a briny or citrusy flavor, the onions have a subtle earthy taste.
Martini Up or Down
When you order a drink at the bar,
you often need to say if you want it “up”, “neat”, “on the rocks”, etc. This is
perhaps the one part of a martini that’s easier to order than other drinks. A
martini by definition comes “up”. Ordering it any other way would be really
weird.
“Up” means you want your drink
chilled and poured into a cocktail glass. These are both hallmarks of a
martini. A lot of the confusion comes when people throw “straight up” into the
mix. Sadly, “straight up” and “up” are two entirely different things. The term
“straight up” is typically used with liquor, like whiskey, and means the same
thing as neat.
For example, if you order a whiskey
straight up you would get a glass of whiskey without anything added to it. When
ordering a martini, try to forget that the term straight up exists. Something
else to note, while grammatically neat and dirty are opposites, they are not
opposites in terms of martinis. A dirty martini comes with olive juice or
brine, whereas ordering a neat martini would just be confusing. The bartender
would likely ask for clarification as you technically just asked for a warm
shot of martini liquor.
Lastly, down doesn’t exist. I’m
happy your down for a martini, but don’t order your martini down. The bartender
will give you nothing but a puzzled expression.
So You Hate Gin? How to Order a Vodka Martini
If you know how to order a martini,
you basically know how to order a vodka martini. A standard martini comes with
gin, and while serious martini drinkers may look down on vodka martinis, many
prefer the liquors taste.
To order a vodka martini, start with
the type of vodka you want. Technically you could just say that you want a
vodka martini, but then you leave it up to the bartender to decide the vodka.
Pick one you like. After you specify the type of vodka, the order is
essentially the same. As an example, you could say, “I’ll take an Absolut
martini, stirred with a twist.” I like Absolut, but you can replace that with
any vodka that you like.
If you want to try a vodka martini,
start with a Gibson. Like I said above, the pearl onions pair really well with
the vodka. To order a Gibson martini, just replace the word martini with
Gibson: “I’ll take an Absolut Gibson”.
Best Martinis for Your First Order
Simplicity is key in your first
order. Why? First, if you keep things simple, the bartender won’t ask too many
questions. Second, this will give you a more unadulterated first taste of a
martini. So, for your first martini, I would recommend a standard martini (gin
not vodka), stirred and with an olive. As with the vodka martini, specify a gin
that you like when ordering. Some good gins to try with your first martini are
Tanqueray, Bombay or Hendricks.
In Conclusion
Gibson, twist, dirty, shaken or stirred. Knowing
how to order a martini like a pro has a lot to do with knowing the martini
ordering lingo. The terms that strike fear into first timer’s hearts will be
the same ones that make you look like a pro at the bar. So put on your
best clothes, find a nice bar and order your first martini with confidence!
