(This is an updated article, previously published in
December 13, 2013, in Good Men Project. Did some updates based on… living
another year and learning a little more about myself and the world. For the
original article, click here)
When you arise in the morning, think of what a
precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.
–Marcus Aurelius-
Gentlemen, Happy Holidays to all! ‘Tis the
season to celebrate Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, or simply the fact that
you survived another 365 days in this world. You need to celebrate the fact
that you are still married, got out of a marriage, or have avoided getting
married, that you have a child or that “you are not the father,” that you are
well off or have been able to survive your current economic limitations. Truth
be told, the simple the fact that you are alive is reason enough to celebrate.
For that last reason alone you deserve a gift or, actually, six gifts to be
more precise. You have spent the last few weeks in a never-ending anxiety attack,
searching for the perfect present for everyone else, so don’t you think is time
to give yourself some well-deserved rewards for trying to become a better man?
Here is a list of 6 things you can give to yourself, for what you’ve endured in
2014 and maybe even to help you get in the right mindset for 2015:
1. The
Tailored Suit
If the
Samurai had their armor, the Spartans had their Shield, the Knights had their
Full-Plate, and Ironman had his Mark XLII, Modern Men have a proper Suit and
Tie. Nothing tells others that you mean business like a good tailored suit. I
know that some of you might think that suits and dressing well is all about
being superficial and you are all about inner beauty or some other excuse you
might come up with to hide your insecurities. Dressing well is not about vanity
but about taking care of yourself. It’s about self-respect and about being
honest when you present yourself to the world. The biggest message you are
constantly, maybe unconsciously, sending to everyone around you is that how you
treat yourself is how you will treat others.
A man
should always have a proper, well-fitted suit available in their closet. We
will have several events in every year that will require wearing a suit, such
as meeting your fiancé’s father or you being the fiancé’s father, going to that
interview for your dream job or heading out to a special dinner to celebrate
you got said job, or simply heading to a court hearing for whatever happened
after the previous celebration. Nothing in this world can stop a proper
Gentleman in a nice suit, with the only exception being a lovely Lady in her
“little black dress.”
2. Manicure
A
manicure? Really? Yes! It has the word MAN in it so it must for Men.
All
joking aside, take a moment and think when the last time you pampered yourself
was. Men usually think that pampering yourself is more of a womanly thing.
Since when is treating yourself right gender defined?
I know
most of you would never consider a manicure as pampering, but hear me out. Think
of how you show off your hands every day. You shake people’s hands, a true Gentleman’s
presentation card, whenever you greet them. You direct people’s attention with
hand gestures, show them off every time you use your phone in public, or
attract everyone’s attention to them every time you sign a document. These are
just a few everyday moments when your hands draw more attention than your
charming smile or your tailored suit. Your hands show off your manly strength
or your gentlemanly tenderness. In the olden days you would carry your family
crest on a signet ring on your hand (something we seriously need to bring back)
and today it is where you carry your symbol of eternal fidelity and love. So
going around with bitten nails and calloused hands really takes away from who
you are. This is all about self-respect, so take the time to make them
presentable, the same way you should with all other aspects of yourself.
3. Project
Car
Sometimes
life can be overwhelming. The easiest way to deal with that feeling is to view
Life as nothing more than a long list of smaller challenges instead of a
massive project. What better practice for that mentality than a project based
on the same premise.
Get an
old broken down car. Don’t look at the car thinking about the total amount of
work that it needs, but rather handle it one piece at a time. Teach yourself to
look at how much you have achieved instead of how much work you still have to
do. Take the time to enjoy every moment you can get to work on it. If you are
not mechanically inclined, pick something else. Just remember that you don’t
have a deadline, so pick something you can take your sweet personal time and
space to finish.
Note: I
do not recommend a home expansion project for this or basically anything you
can’t cart off your property, in case you get tired or lose interest in it.
Your wife and friends may remind you every day that the project is not
finished. Also, it might end up being an incomplete permanent addition and
could actually lower your home’s value.
4. Journal
Life is
a constant journey, and sometimes you need a quick reminder of just how far you
have traveled. Sure, there is digital media available: blogs, notes, or
whatever other electronic-based ways to keep track of what you have done.
Unfortunately, these have the bad habit of disappearing from your files when
you most need them or appearing in someone else’s computer when you least need
them too.
Get a
physical journal and every day write something in it, no matter how random.
That interesting quote you found online, that weird dream, or that thought you
could not get out of your head will be a perfect entry. Weeks or even months
later you will realize that those entries were not as random as you thought.
5. Unplug
for 24 hours
In a
world with instant access to the universe, the down side is that the universe
has instant access to you. We have become slaves to texting, social media,
emails, and calendar. We will take out our phones during a concert or when we
take our kids to the park, or whatever other event in our lives; just to share
it with everyone online, most of whom don’t really care. This comes at the
expense of truly living in the moment. Apparently we need to see the world
through a smart phone screen to be able to properly enjoy it.
Take one
day to simply unplug. Set up your autoreply, turn off your phone, and leave
your laptop or tablet at home. For the next 24 hours forget that you need to
reply to every text you get, comment on every status update, or even read every
email. Head out to the great outdoors and breathe nature, or take your kids to
the park and actually play with them, or go for a walk, or simply sit down at a
coffee shop and look at the people strolling by. For the rest of the day, learn
to listen to yourself and the world around you. You will be amazed at what you
will notice and you will realize that the world did not end because you did not
update your status.
6. A
Random Act of Kindness
Remember
how this all started? You are thankful that you survived another year. Some
people are not as lucky. Give yourself permission to help someone out, and
become your own reason why your faith in humanity should be restored. This can
be something as simple as paying a stranger’s tab at a restaurant, or helping
out at a soup kitchen or leaving a gift card on a random car’s windshield in a
parking lot. Do something, anything! Just make sure it is an anonymous gesture.
This is not about looking for your own glory or vanity, but rather knowing that
you have the power to give hope to other people. Who knows, in this
ultra-connected world, what you thought was a simple act might just go viral,
inspiring others to do good as well.
So, there you go. These are the six gifts you should give to
yourself. A suit and proper hands so your exterior image will reflect your
interior mind-set, a physical project and a journal to record your journey as a
man, and the time to listen to the world so you can best give voice to it. They
all seem simple enough, right? Remember to always be a Gentleman-Warrior, a
Caballero. Learn to let go of what is not really important and enjoy the ride.
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