Chivalry: Is it Needed?

Since it is so likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage.

C.S. Lewis

So, we have already discussed if Chivalry is dead and if it’s sexist. The next big question is if it’s even needed, especially in these modern days of gender equality. To discuss this, I am going to have to take a mind frame that I usually try to avoid, to focus at the negative aspect of this generation and the one to come of age. I say that I try to avoid this because I have never believed in judging one generation as if the previous one was exempt of their own issues. I also am a firm believer that spotlighting negative aspects does little to create positive results, but if we don’t understand the negative aspects that today’s men deal with, we can’t really understand if Chivalry is truly needed.

We live in a society that is providing men two options; become the douchebag slacker/mook or men who have been taught to be ashamed of being a man. Combine that with a scarcity for proper role models and a society that focuses on selfishness and self-gratification, we are left with a poor profile of what we can expect from modern men.

We are bombarded most media with the image of the slacker man-child, the incompetent dad, and the douchebag asshole; all of which are justified with the simple notion that you can’t expect any more from men. In social media, we are then bombarded with the idea that toxic masculinity has made all masculinity something of a death trap for anyone who relates with men in general. We have become guilty of the crime of being men, unless we ourselves begin to condemn the dangers of being a man, because apparently men have no self-control over their animal instincts.

With so many outside influences telling young men they aren’t good enough, you would think that we provide them with some kind of positive example, a role model to teach them what they can do right. Yet they are left to look up to men who can get away with domestic abuse, drug charges, and sexual violence simply because of their athletic ability, musical talent, or financial situation. The boys are learning these lessons well as we can see in our current college campuses.

Instead of telling boys everything they are doing wrong and will do wrong, why don’t we give them examples they can look up to, give them hope that they can be more, and teach them that life isn’t about “what’s in it for me,” but about “what can I give back.” That’s what Chivalry has been about from the beginning, men who live in a way that they set an example to others, who lead by doing, and inspire others to dream about achieving better world.

We need to stop glamorizing the slacker and the douchebag. We need to stop equating toxic masculinity with all masculinity. We need to teach boys to strive for more than just sliding by. We need to men that being a man isn’t an excuse for incompetent parenting, and that the label of Dad is earned. We need to teach men to stand up for others and not just themselves. We need to create a society where being a man shouldn’t be an excuse for bad behavior but instead a reason for good behavior. We need to set examples to men of all they can achieve, instead of treating them as a problem that needs to be fixed.

How far could men go if we taught them to do better, instead of telling them what they are doing wrong?

The Cult to Averageness and the Persecution of Excellence

You have competition every day because you set such high standards for yourself that you have to go out every day and live up to that.

Michael Jordan

The last few weeks, we have seen social media buzzing with the wonders of the “Dad-Body” as the new fad in male body types. In most cases, I usually ignore internet fads, as they tend to be as relevant as they are permanent. Yet in this case, I found it more amusing than ever, as this fad in particular, and its resulting discussion, placed yet again the limelight on an aspect of society that has grown within social media’s ability to give the masses a voice;

The Cult to Average and the Persecution of Excellence.

The cult of Average is this idea that we are all good enough. And that’s true, we are. We see it in every aspect, ranging from beauty to intelligence, from financial success to physical fitness. It’s the idea that we are perfect just as we are, and there is no real need to try to be better. It gets to the point where people expect applause and adulation simply for resisting the need to be better! And that’s where it gets really messed up.

In an attempt to resist the “social pressures” to be better, they will condemn anyone who chooses to be better. We see this when in our discourse of “all bodies are beautiful” the follow up is basically “except those who make an effort to look good. They deserve our hate.”  The same goes into every other aspect. We need to demonize anyone who’s successful, anyone who looks good, anyone who’s educated, and the list goes on. We see it in the generalized idea that anyone with physical beauty or fitness must be a narcissist, that genius is accompanied by arrogance or that financial success can only be achieved by having no moral standards.

The amazing thing about this social condemnation of excellence is how being above average is only acceptable when it comes accompanied with acceptable flaws, as if the flaws compensate for the additional efforts of the person. We see it in the socially awkward genius, or the dumb, but lovable, jock, or the clumsy beauty.

All of these negative aspects are assigned to excellence because excellence exposes the averageness of others. Nobody is born in excellence, that’s the result of discipline, dedication, and a lot of effort. The problem is that the same people who profess not being superficial only see the superficial picture. They neither see nor care to see the work that lead to excellence. It’s easy to assume that beauty, physical fitness, or intelligence is only the result of genetics or that artistic or athletic skills are the result of natural talent, or that financial success is the result of getting an inheritance. This attitude only serves as an excuse to minimize the work and effort of those who achieve excellence.

Genetics, natural talent, and, even to a degree, inheritance only benefit you at the starting point. What counts is what you do with what you have. That’s what determines how far you can go. Let’s stop celebrating averageness as the best we can achieve as individuals. Stop assuming that the limitations society places on you are the highest standards you deserve to put on yourself. Effort, discipline, and self-sacrifice will always trump the small minds and insecurities of others.