Be Coffee My Friend

The same boiling water than softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s about what you’re made of, not the circumstances.

Unknown

It’s very probable that this meme has come across your social media feed. The general idea is that difficult events in your life don’t define you, but rather the notion that you are defined by what you’re made of. And it’s quite inspirational, the notion of “you define you.” Except that’s not what the meme says.

Take a moment and think about it. On one end, the resilient person, one able to stand up to life’s challenges, when faced with pain and adversity, will end up mashable as they lose their strength to face off against any other challenge, as they are no longer as resistant and tough as it previously was. On the other side, the fragile person with the malleable heart and flowing spirit, when confronted by pain and adversity, will become hard boiled, no longer able to show emotions or affection. The shell might look the same, but inside they now carry a stiff spirit and a hardened heart.

In both cases, adversity changed the person into the diametrical opposite of who they were. And when you consider it, that change might not always be into something better.

Not that inspiring now, right?

But what if you had another option, one where you understand that you will face adversity and prepare accordingly. What if you take the seed you were and grind off all the weaknesses, cast yourself against the fires and heat till you burn off the impurities. What if, instead of you being changed into something different by adversity, it’s you who changes adversity into something different? What if you defined yourself, prepared yourself, to turn what many would consider adversity into something that awakens and inspires others.

What if, instead of being an egg or a potato, you became coffee? Instead of being changed by adversity, it’s the coffee seed that turns adversity into something more, something better.  Now, something as simple, yet hostile, as boiling water, is now filled with flavor and aroma.

Be like coffee. When things are at their worse, bring up your game. If anything, adversity will brings out the best in you as you know how to change the situation around yourself. You don’t fear the darkness, as you know that the best coffee is as dark as night and you don’t fear the heat as you know it only serves to unleash your potential. You don’t fear being pressed by life as this is how you work your magic, and you don’t fear life’s greatest trials as you know those are the times when you awaken the souls of those around you.

Be coffee my friend.

Additional Good

Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others.

Plato

We’ve all been there. We wake up with the best intentions and attitude possible. As we head off, our heart and mind are set to make this a good day. And as we head out, it just take one thing to change this all around. What could possibly happen that turned your entire attitude from positive to negative?

Assholes happen.

This is pretty common. We all know just how contagious negativity is. It just takes one person being a jerk to you to turn your entire mindset, turning you into a jerk in the process. Now, instead of the world having to deal with one asshole, it has to deal with two. And as you move on, you end up sucking another person’s positivity, creating yet another asshole, and that one creates another, and so forth.

But did you know that it also works the other way around?

Your day’s not going do great, and then someone simply smiles in your direction. They paid for your morning coffee, to your surprise, or they helped you carry your bags up some stairs, or opened a door, or something as simple as said “Good morning” and hoped that you have a good day. Your entire outlook of the day changed. So as you head out, you do the same, changing another person’s mood for the day. And they do the same forward, and so forth.

We have all heard the phrase “pay it forward” but that involves you paying forward what you’ve received. Why not simply have that positive attitude and take those positive actions without the need of receiving it first? You might not think that something as simple as saying “have a nice day” as you step out of an elevator means much, but it means more than enough to someone who needs it without knowing.

All it takes is one person to stand up, to take action. Others will follow. And as soon as you have a small group, inspired by a single act, the entire crowd will join in. You don’t believe me? Here’s a simple example below.

It just took one man to take action. The next one joined in to help. Then another. Next thing you know, the entire crowd in the place joined in to help. Do you think the crowd would have helped if it wasn’t for that first person? They would have probably stood there, holding their cellphones, recording the entire situation, waiting for the authorities to do something.

If you ever doubted that a single man could change the world, consider how the actions of a single man can inspire another man to act. And now those two men’s actions can inspire others. Suddenly, the acts of one man became the inspiration and lead for an entire movement. Just make sure that those actions are to make good men, not more assholes. We have plenty of those already.

The Example Others Need

Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.

Steve Jobs

If you have been reading my posts for a while, you will have noticed how I emphasis the idea that you have to better yourself for yourself. I don’t believe in the idea that you become a better person to impress others, that you can’t be a gentleman if your intention is to be liked or respected, but rather you might be liked or respected because you are a gentleman. With that said, there is one important bonus to carrying yourself as a noble man, and that is your ability to inspire others, specially boys and young men, to strive to be more. You become the example that others need.

We live in a society that offers young men few proper role models. Between boys being raised in families with little interaction with their fathers, a mass media that promotes self-centered narcissism and entitlement, and a social media that reduces young men into the social problem they can become, becoming the exception to the norm is an act of social obligation all good men must strive for. We need to prove to these future men that not all men are the same. We need to prove that they aren’t predestined to become the absentee father figure, the irresponsible man-child, nor the potential criminal.

You might think that not being a father is enough excuse to ignore this aspect of being a Gentleman. You can’t, not if you want to honor what it means to be a true Gentleman. These boys are starved for proper examples, for someone who believes they can be more. You see it as they gravitate towards that Teacher who believes they can excel, to the Sensei who teaches them and confidence, to the Coach who teaches them to push their limitations, to the Mentor who gives them guidance, or simply the random Gentleman who treats them with respect when nobody else will.

Yes, you become better for yourself. But you can only be a better man when you pass on those lessons to others. Isn’t that what being a better man is about? Selflessly living for others, raising others beyond what they could be on their own?

So walk proudly and properly. Carry yourself with dignity while treating everyone with respect. Become a beacon of virtue as you never know who’s looking up to you at that very moment. You might be the example someone needs to become more.

Chivalry: Is it Needed?

Since it is so likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage.

C.S. Lewis

So, we have already discussed if Chivalry is dead and if it’s sexist. The next big question is if it’s even needed, especially in these modern days of gender equality. To discuss this, I am going to have to take a mind frame that I usually try to avoid, to focus at the negative aspect of this generation and the one to come of age. I say that I try to avoid this because I have never believed in judging one generation as if the previous one was exempt of their own issues. I also am a firm believer that spotlighting negative aspects does little to create positive results, but if we don’t understand the negative aspects that today’s men deal with, we can’t really understand if Chivalry is truly needed.

We live in a society that is providing men two options; become the douchebag slacker/mook or men who have been taught to be ashamed of being a man. Combine that with a scarcity for proper role models and a society that focuses on selfishness and self-gratification, we are left with a poor profile of what we can expect from modern men.

We are bombarded most media with the image of the slacker man-child, the incompetent dad, and the douchebag asshole; all of which are justified with the simple notion that you can’t expect any more from men. In social media, we are then bombarded with the idea that toxic masculinity has made all masculinity something of a death trap for anyone who relates with men in general. We have become guilty of the crime of being men, unless we ourselves begin to condemn the dangers of being a man, because apparently men have no self-control over their animal instincts.

With so many outside influences telling young men they aren’t good enough, you would think that we provide them with some kind of positive example, a role model to teach them what they can do right. Yet they are left to look up to men who can get away with domestic abuse, drug charges, and sexual violence simply because of their athletic ability, musical talent, or financial situation. The boys are learning these lessons well as we can see in our current college campuses.

Instead of telling boys everything they are doing wrong and will do wrong, why don’t we give them examples they can look up to, give them hope that they can be more, and teach them that life isn’t about “what’s in it for me,” but about “what can I give back.” That’s what Chivalry has been about from the beginning, men who live in a way that they set an example to others, who lead by doing, and inspire others to dream about achieving better world.

We need to stop glamorizing the slacker and the douchebag. We need to stop equating toxic masculinity with all masculinity. We need to teach boys to strive for more than just sliding by. We need to men that being a man isn’t an excuse for incompetent parenting, and that the label of Dad is earned. We need to teach men to stand up for others and not just themselves. We need to create a society where being a man shouldn’t be an excuse for bad behavior but instead a reason for good behavior. We need to set examples to men of all they can achieve, instead of treating them as a problem that needs to be fixed.

How far could men go if we taught them to do better, instead of telling them what they are doing wrong?