Be Coffee My Friend

The same boiling water than softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s about what you’re made of, not the circumstances.

Unknown

It’s very probable that this meme has come across your social media feed. The general idea is that difficult events in your life don’t define you, but rather the notion that you are defined by what you’re made of. And it’s quite inspirational, the notion of “you define you.” Except that’s not what the meme says.

Take a moment and think about it. On one end, the resilient person, one able to stand up to life’s challenges, when faced with pain and adversity, will end up mashable as they lose their strength to face off against any other challenge, as they are no longer as resistant and tough as it previously was. On the other side, the fragile person with the malleable heart and flowing spirit, when confronted by pain and adversity, will become hard boiled, no longer able to show emotions or affection. The shell might look the same, but inside they now carry a stiff spirit and a hardened heart.

In both cases, adversity changed the person into the diametrical opposite of who they were. And when you consider it, that change might not always be into something better.

Not that inspiring now, right?

But what if you had another option, one where you understand that you will face adversity and prepare accordingly. What if you take the seed you were and grind off all the weaknesses, cast yourself against the fires and heat till you burn off the impurities. What if, instead of you being changed into something different by adversity, it’s you who changes adversity into something different? What if you defined yourself, prepared yourself, to turn what many would consider adversity into something that awakens and inspires others.

What if, instead of being an egg or a potato, you became coffee? Instead of being changed by adversity, it’s the coffee seed that turns adversity into something more, something better.  Now, something as simple, yet hostile, as boiling water, is now filled with flavor and aroma.

Be like coffee. When things are at their worse, bring up your game. If anything, adversity will brings out the best in you as you know how to change the situation around yourself. You don’t fear the darkness, as you know that the best coffee is as dark as night and you don’t fear the heat as you know it only serves to unleash your potential. You don’t fear being pressed by life as this is how you work your magic, and you don’t fear life’s greatest trials as you know those are the times when you awaken the souls of those around you.

Be coffee my friend.

“Jeet Kune Do”ing the Gentleman’s Tao

Jeet Kun Do, ultimately, is not a matter of petty technique but of highly developed personal spirituality and physique. It is not a question of developing what has already been developed but of recovering what has been left behind. These things have been with us, in us, all the time and have never been lost or distorted except by our misguided manipulation of them. Jeet Kun Do is not a matter of technology but of spiritual insight and training.

Bruce Lee

A few decades ago, a young man came up with a rather interesting concept, somewhat a radical notion within the martial arts traditions.  He began by questioning his own style and started looking into what fighting philosophies were doing. He looked at what each style had in common, what was effective, and what was dead weight carried on simply for traditions sake. From there he filtered out what didn’t work and merged what did into an encompassing philosophy applicable, not only to fighting, but to life in general.

This man’s name was Bruce Lee and his philosophy became known as Jeet Kune Do.

Why do I bring this up in a site dedicated to growing as a man and as a Gentleman? Because it’s way past the time that we should apply this mentality to what it means to be a man and a Gentleman.

What set Bruce Lee apart was the fact that he realized he might not know all the answers, but that the answers were out there waiting for him to uncover them. He got past the egocentric mentality that limits most martial artists as they assume their style is the best, completely developed, and their teachers are infallible. He did the one thing most fighting schools teach their students never to do; to question what you are taught. He promoted the understanding of how rigid styles limit practitioners on two simple facts. The first is there exists a style containing all the answers or can be viewed as the best over the rest. The second is an acceptance that every person is different; what works for one might not work as well for another. This allowed each person to become their own master as they step away from the rigidity of a limited style; where the teacher is simply a guide offering “advice.” The student needs to interpret and internalize knowledge within their own technique and body type.

And isn’t that what the modern idea of Gentleman is? Almost every article on gentlemen starts with the typical reference to chivalry, yet how much of what we have today comes exclusively from the Knightly Orders? How much of it is still a rigid set of rules that has to be followed under penalty of law? The idea of a rigid set of social rules and regulations based on a specific cultural origin is especially questionable when you understand the global and diverse nature of modern society.

I have mentioned several times how each culture around the world and every historical era throughout time have its own version of the Gentleman’s Way. We find surprising similarities between each different versions of gentleman, yet each one has its own uniqueness as well that we can learn from.

We all start off with what was taught to us, usually limited by our immediate environment. It’s defined by our culture, our beliefs, our social standing, our regional location, and our family upbringing. That’s why, even if we all call ourselves gentlemen, we all have our own little rule book. Yet our access to limitless information and knowledge allows us to shatter those limitations. The world’s a big place that’s constantly changing and evolving, so it’s only logical to do the same to avoid being relegated due to natural selection.

We must never fall under the assumption that our “style” is the only right “style.” No single person or philosophy holds a monopoly over what it means to be a Noble Man. We must never fall under the assumption that others have nothing of value to offer us in the way of knowledge. The more we learn and understand, the more we grow as gentlemen. And it’s a gentleman’s priority to never stop growing as a person. So go out, expand your horizons, and Jeet Kune Do the shit out of the gentleman you are!

A Tailored Life

The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.

George Bernard Shaw

Not everyone takes the time or spends the money to have their clothing tailor fitted. They assume that something off the rack, when bought in the proper size, should fit them well enough. And that’s where our most common life problem rears its ugly head, as we assume that “well enough” is good enough to make it work.

There are about 2.25 billion adult men in the world, yet we assume that they can be broken down into about 4 different body sizes. We think that, just because it’s our “size,” it will fit just like the catalog picture. And when it doesn’t, we blame the magazine for false advertisement. What if the problem isn’t that the magazine lied, but rather the magazine took the time to fit it properly to the model in the image? Most catalog clothing is actually tailored to the specific model so it fits perfectly as anyone in the marketing world knows “well enough” doesn’t really cut it.

The same thing does on for everything within this life. We read an article about how to better your life or take some advice on how to become a better man, expecting to receive the promised results. When these outcomes don’t pan out as expected, we dismiss the entirety of the information as useless. We assume that information is created as a black and white guideline format, where one size fits all, and the end results will work “well enough” for us.

“Well enough” is never good enough to make a difference in our lives.

Not everyone will get the same results from the same instructions. The first thing you need to do is understand who you are at that moment within your life. Unless you recognize who you are and know what you want, you are going to be left stranded trying to figure out why you can’t seem to become a better person. Without that knowledge, you will simply assume you are broken beyond repair and left confused as to why things work out for someone else, yet won’t for you.

After you have taken your current “measurements”, now you have to learn to listen to the advice given. We have to listen to others, but we must tailor their lessons to fit who we are. To do that, we must understand how we must tailor these lessons to fit us, and not the other way around. You have to learn to listen, to learn what to absorb, what to adjust, and what to ignore. Their lessons only work for us if we can first understand why the lesson worked for them and we can understand how to make those lessons work of us.

You need to stop trying to fit yourself into the “better man” suit created by someone else. Instead, focus on growing into a better person, one defined by you, as you work with what works for you. Take that “better man” suit and tailor it to who you are. Learn to sift through all the comments, to deconstruct every article, and search for those tidbits that give value to you.

By this time you need to realize how you can’t pick and choose what’s convenient, but rather what’s necessary. When you are honest about whom you are you can be honest about what you need. You stop living a life of convenient comfort, but strive to become better every day. You become your own tailor, as you use the lessons of others to your personalized benefit. Create the idealized “better man” suit that fits you. Now you can stop trying to fit in the ideals of others, but instead work to fit into your ideal you.