9/2/15

Dating Lessons From Casanova



I know that I have lived because I have felt, and, feeling giving me the knowledge of my existence, I know likewise that I shall exist no more when I shall have ceased to feel.
Giacomo Casanova
You might have noticed that for a Gentleman’s site, I post very little about dating or relationship advice. There are two simple reasons for this. First, Caballero’s main focus is self-betterment as a man. The second, I want to steer as clear away as possible from PUA (Pick Up Artists) strategies and philosophies. That second one does more damage than good to men, something I have mentioned before.

But from the perspective of the first one, I do understand that dating and relationships are an integral part of a man’s self-betterment, so dealing with those topics IS important. For that reason, I will fall back on the dating lessons taught by one of the Big Three Romanceers, Giacomo Casanova. (The other two are Oscar Wilde and Miguel de Cervantes)

But isn’t Casanova just a glorified Pick Up Artists, a depraved hedonist who took advantage of women? Blasphemer! That’s precisely what he wasn’t, as I explained in Casanova’s Condemnation of the Pick Up Artist. Then, if he wasn’t a pick up artist, how did he attain a mythical reputation for being one?

It was neither his sense of humor nor his good looks, which I can guarantee. He was a rather average looking man, and the idea that a good sense of humor will win over any woman is pretty much a lie. Last I checked, women weren’t chasing after clowns and stand-up comics. What he had in his favor was an abashed love for living fully and creating unforgettable experiences in a world trying to repress a person’s soul. How did he do this?

Privacy Is Key
Why were so many women willing to commit indiscretions with a man such a Casanova? Because they knew he would be discreet about it. He had no need to share any of his adventures with anyone, allowing them to feel that their reputation was safe, even as they shared time with him?

Why is this so important to mention as the first topic? Because we live in a world intent in showing off and publicizing every single meal and every gym work out; a world were discretion has become a rare quality indeed. We need to understand the importance of discretion once again.

Let Them Admire You Admiring Them
Dating exists within a world of self-conscious behavior were we constantly walk that grey line between appropriate and inappropriate actions. This has been getting worse every day as men are told that appreciating attractiveness is little more than objectification and expressing desire is admitting having sexual predatory instincts.

During that entire debate, one very crucial aspect is lost; our ability to let the other person know how desirable we find them. Without desire there’s no passion, so letting the other person know how we find them desirable, also lets them know how passionate we can be. And nothing is more alluring as someone blushing from that realization.

Ask Them About Themselves And Listen
I think I have expressed myself enough on the importance of listening to what the other person has to say, here, here, and here. Any more would be beating a dead horse.

Remove Judgement To Encourage Decadence
One of the most important aspects within this kind of rendezvous is how the person must feel at ease enough to be unabashed of their behavior. The only way to do this is by letting themselves act out without fear of being judged. How can they be free with you if you are constantly judging their every action? Create a space of free expression where they can break away of the self-conscious chains that they use every day within their regular lives.

Appeal to all the senses
In a world consumed with visual stimuli, were we filter our experiences through smart phones and computer monitors, shouldn’t we take the time to savor the full extent of what it means to have a human body? Understand how the senses create a full experience. Something as simple as a cup of coffee can become a full experience when you take into account the effect it can have in all your senses; as you become aware of the aroma, taste, and even the sound of its brewing. Extrapolate this awareness to every simple part of your evening.

Be Playful
We tend to take life WAY to serious, as everything has to become a social issue and a politically incorrect offense. We lost our ability to laugh, so anyone who shatters this armor also breaks our uptightness as well. THIS is why so many times you hear the comment about impressing women with humor. It’s not the humor itself, but the ability to let the other person relax.

Be Spontaneous
All too often we end up creating sterile, prefabricated and prerehearsed experiences within our dating life. “If it worked once, why not again?” becomes the usual mentality. The problem with this logic is that these experiences feel prefabricated and prerehearsed, as they ignore the reality that every person is different. Have a frame over which you lead your night, but be willing to scrap the plan without warning. Life’s most memorable experiences are usually the result of accidents.

Surprise Them With A Thoughtful Gift.
Yes, gentlemen. I am going there… I’m not talking about picking up the person with flowers, although I’m also not saying to avoid flowers.

If you are truly interested in a person, give them a token to make your intentions clear. Everything holds a message and a meaning, so this is your opportunity to say a lot without a single word.

On a side not, this token will remind them of the date long after the date has passed.