11/17/14

Why You Need To Stop Proving Your Love



Never run after a man or a bus, there's always another one in five minutes.
Cherry Adair
The more I think about it, the less some things makes sense to me. “Men chase after women.” “Women find a good catch.” “You have to prove your love.” “You have to win him/her over.” Who thought off the idea that showing an interest in someone was more about proving yourself to them and not about showing affection and opening up? Who decided that relationships were about one person competing to win a person over? Who says that relationships are about proving how much are you willing to put up with a person’s “worse”? With that kind of language, can we really complain about men (or women) who think they deserve a “prize” just because they paid for dinner or gave the other person a nice gift?

People keep thinking that relationships, be it professional or romantic, are defined mainly about what we “obtain” out of them. “What’s in it for me?” That’s why so many people feel they need to prove their love, or that a person’s love needs to be proven before taking them seriously. It’s about one person proving they have something to offer the other person, make sure they cover the “What’s in it for me” box. And when we reduce relationships to what one person can get out of the other, which leads to pretty shallow and weak relationships where sex, social standing, or money become the focus, rather than respect.

We need to stop proving ourselves so others will accept us. “If you can’t handle me at my worse” probably means you have a strong sense of self-respect, well created boundaries, and prioritized self-care. If they cannot accept you for who you are, why would you think that selling yourself to them will make them care for you after the illusion is gone?

Oh, before you think this is about not doing something special for someone special, you are sadly mistaken. It means that when you do something special, it’s because you wanted to show your affection, not expecting anything in return. And that is what love and relationships should be about. It’s about giving because you want to give, not because it’s expected.

So the next time you give a kiss, do it because you want to. The next time you want to give them flowers, do so. Stop looking for reasons for your affections.