The Best Moment Of Your Life Is Now.

“What day is it?”

“It's today,” squeaked Piglet.

“My favorite day,” said Pooh.

A.A. Milne

Many times you will reminisce on better days past, or on better days to come. You will lose yourself in what was and what may come. And with everything that was and everything that might be, you stop considering everything that is.

The reality is that the best day of your life is really today. You have all the memories of every good day and all the lessons of every bad day. You have all the possibilities that could be tomorrow, that will be defined by what you do Today, NOW.

Every bad experience gave you lessons, and proof that you can overcome anything. Every good experience gave you happiness and eternal memories that can never be taken away. We tend to embellish and exaggerate what was based on the window of our memory. Every tomorrow hold infinite possibilities that provide comfort when our today is good, and hope when our today is bad. Again, our eyes tend to exaggerate or embellish these possibilities.

And were everything coincides in today, now. So don’t waste the Now on what was, or what could be. Live it, turn it into tomorrow’s memory or a lesson. Make it into what defines your future. Remember that every moment, every day, is now.

The Guy You Used To Be...

 It’s not about the Guy you used to be, but the Gentleman you’ve become.

Being Caballero's Motto

If you’re reading this, means you’ve seen this phrase in all my cover images. And you might think it’s a rather cool phrase, somewhat catchy, and just leave it at that. The reality behind it is probably the biggest challenge every man trying to better himself has to face, living past the man they used to be.

People might say that they live in the present, or that the actions they do today define who they are. But the truth is that we live in a society that reinforces shame and guilt, a society that will try to make you small because of the man you used to be. And it will remind you everything you have done wrong every time you start to do better. Be it your acquaintances, your friends, your spouse, or even worse, yourself, someone will drag out your past mistakes and failures to bring you down. That shame of who you were, and that fear that you will never live down your past, is usually what keeps you from moving forward.

An even more dangerous attitude is accepting these past sins as what defines you. “This is who I am. You don’t like it, F.U.” Really? You don’t even like yourself and want to change, so why start lying to yourself just because others would rather bring you down and limit yourself. Why let their attitude empower them by depowering you?

Here’s the reality. Life is like a Credit Card. You do bad things; you don’t pay them at that time. But that debt is there, and creates interest. And just when things start to turn around, as you start to make life work, the collection agencies will start knocking at your door. That is how Karma works. So treat it like a collection agency. Accept your responsibility, deal with your debt, and accept the interest it accumulated. That is part of the process to make your life right.

Now, as with collection agencies that get overzealous and greedy, learn when to give yourself enough respect and learn when to tell them “No.” Don’t give them power over your life. These people thrive on making others miserable, and will feed of your guilt, many times unfounded guilt. Becoming a Better Man is hard enough without having to add people trying to sabotage your life.

Give yourself value. Sure, you might have messed up; you might have strayed from your path. That’s not being a bad person, it’s called being human. Stand up, brush it off and move forward. Just don’t think you won’t have to pay back that debt with interest. Respect yourself enough to move forward. Don’t let anyone stop you, especially yourself. 

Desenrascanço

If only I had the time to spend…

If only I had the money to start…

If only I would meet the right person…

I get it. We all do. If you were given the right tools, the right opportunity, and the right timing, you could prove the world just what you are capable of doing. You could prove to everyone just how far you could go, just how high you could reach, just how big you could be. But alas, if only…

“If only” has got to be the most overused excuse for self-sabotage that man has created, and specifically the one that annoys me the most. It places the blame of you not even trying on your environment. It’s your surroundings’ fault that you don’t do something to better yourself.

If only I won the lottery, I wouldn’t need to work, but guess what? I haven’t won the lottery, so I do the best I can with what I have. That’s the real art of living. Taking what you have, and making the best you can out of yourself. Don’t look at what you have as a limitation. Look of it as the structure within you have to create. Use it for stability, turning what was a limitation into your foundation and build up from there.

The Portuguese have a word for this; Desenrascanço. The term Desenrascanço roughly means “the act of disentangling yourself from a difficult situation using available means.” Because, the reality is that what’s available is what you have to work with. “If only” and “what if” only serve to keep you from the “go do.”

Yes, it’s difficult. And yes, you will see challenges within your environment. But the reality is that these challenges only exist within yourself and your self-doubt. Once you overcome your tendency to question yourself, you will realize that these are not challenges, but simple situations that can be worked with or worked around to your benefit. Obstacles will then become opportunities or will simply vanish.

Fill In Your Own Blanks.

Proverbs are short sentences drawn from long experience.

Miguel de Cervantes

Here’s a rather interesting story I once heard about Hemingway. During a lunch date, which probably involved more than a few drinks, with several of friends, Hemingway proposed a bet. He bet the table ten dollars each that he can craft an entire story in six words. After the pot is set and collected, he grabs a napkin and scribbles down the six words. After passing it around the table, everyone agreed he had won the bet.

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

Why bring this up, other than as entertaining anecdote? Six words, nothing more, create an individual story within each person’s mind. We take the frame that was given to us, and fill in the blank space with our own perceptions and experiences. That’s what is so powerful about the story.

Quotes and Concepts work the same way.

As I discuss with several people what should be included in the book, they constantly question my unwillingness to make a set of rules to follow as a Gentleman. Sure, it would be easier for me, to set down a black and white code of behavior. And it would even be easier for many men to become Gentlemen if they only had a set of laws to follow.

But that would mean you would “Act” like a Gentleman and not “Become” a Gentleman.

I try to break down concepts in a generalized form, or if I do express specifics, I do them in relationship to a practical application. Every man’s cultural development is different, every man’s surroundings are different, and more importantly though, every man has a different reason to be a Gentleman. Assuming that a single cookie-cutter set of rules might apply to everyone is the easiest path to fail at what I am trying to achieve.

The idea behind Being Caballero is to provide you a simple frame where you can insert your own reasons to better yourself. There is no right way or wrong way to become a Gentleman, as long as you do so honestly, and for the right reasons. There are as many paths to become a Gentleman as there are men trying to be Gentlemen.

Fear the Dragon Slayer

 I met a man who fought dragons and I asked him how he can win against such a raw and unstoppable force of nature.

He said. "Someone once told the dragons a fairy tale of how a knight in shining armor killed a dragon, now they are afraid it might be true and all I do now is put a defeated enemy out of their misery"

Luke Davis

As I am in the process of discussing what will be included in the book with fellow editors, trying to cover all the important topics and answer all the important questions, one rather interesting discussion came about.

Why do you feel some people dismiss the idea of the Gentleman?

I knew full well what they were talking about. It’s funny how many men view chivalry as a way for women to keep dominating men and how many women view chivalry as a way for men to keep dominating women. The reality of Chivalry and Gentlemanly attitudes is not about how you treat others, but what you expect from yourself. How you treat others is just the result of this attitude.

The problem is that your attitude and your confidence expose other people’s insecurities and self-doubts.  They want a “movie style” life and relationships without the effort of self-betterment, giving only the bare minimal to themselves. They want to win without leaving their comfort zone.

And that is our Dragon, a society who will give you every excuse not to up your game, not to rise above the crowd. It will try to drown you with cries of “Chivalry is dead” and “A gentleman is just a way for women to step all over men” and “Chivalry is another way to keep women down.” But the reality is that the Dragon fears you.

It fears your ability to stand up for yourself. It fears your ability to stand up for others. And most of all it fears you for wanting to live past the comforts of social mediocrity. So stand proud as you face this Dragon, because it already knows it lost.