The stronger you become, the Gentler you must be.

When your temper rises, lower your fists. When your fists rise, lower your temper.

Chojun Miyagi

The recent events between Jay Z and Solange Knowles brought back a constant comment from those who argue against Gentlemanly behavior and chivalry. 

Can a man hit a woman if she attacks him?

For those that have no idea what happened, there was security camera footage of Ms. Knowles attacking Jay Z, at which point he did not hit back. The reactions were varied and complex by most media outlets. Most women applauded his refusal to fight back. Some men complained that it’s wrong for a woman to attack a man knowing he will not fight back.

Before we even start, let me make my stance absolutely clear so there is no confusion:

1. A Gentleman must not hit a Lady. 
2. A Woman who hits a Gentleman is still accountable for her actions.

For some strange incomprehensible reason, some men think the only option when being hit is to hit back. Without looking at the man/woman situation in the equation, let’s look at the entire fist fighting situation. We are no longer in elementary school, grow up. If a person attacks you, they are baiting you to attack back. If you have to use your fists to solve a problem, you already lost. If the other person has lost control, your obligation is to contain the situation, not escalate it. If you hit back, you are no longer defending, you just became the aggressor. 

I will admit that I would handle a situation between a male aggressor and a female aggressor very differently. In my training days, I would never spar with a woman, not because she was weaker, but because I could not forgive myself if I hurt her. Then again, I would train women to fight merciless when confronted with a male opponent. When most men are forced to fight, it’s for dominance. When most women are forced to fight, it’s to save their lives.

I am not saying that women aren’t willing to be aggressors. Neither am I saying that men should accept the fact that they will have to “take it” if a woman hits you. An aggression is an aggression. Let the authorities handle it. But I will always prefer to be called a coward than to become an abuser.