Gentlemen, a lady
is not an opponent, but a willing dance partner. As with any partner dancing, both
partners must collaborate and participate. It is your obligation to lead and to
make your partner shine. It is your duty to set up the frame over which the
lady glides (“Girls who glide need men who make them thump”, five extra points
if you know where that is from). That means a conscientious agreement of both
sides and that the woman is just as responsible to interact with the man as the
man is to interact with her. The roles of genders are still present but keep in
mind it is perfectly valid for the lady to take the lead every once in a while.
You might be surprised just where you might end up.
Once I asked a
friend how he was able to dance salsa so well, always finding great partners
when he hit the dance floor. He looked at me the same way a Blind Master Po
would look at young Kwai Chang Caine. “My young grasshopper, dancing is a
metaphor for life and for love. It’s all about understanding the rhythm and being
able to see the sections.” I knew about musical rhythms, but sections?
He followed this
with one of the most enlightening and eloquent explanations about life I have
had the privilege to witness. Dancing was just romantic storytelling and the
dancers were the protagonists of their own personal epic. Most partner dances,
like old school salsa, are broken into sections to give dancers a familiar
frame over which to work their magic. This is the same frame work as romancing.
1.
The introduction
The introduction
of a song sets up the basic rhythm. This is where the partners meet for the
first time, and start learning about each other’s style and skill level. You
establish a simple step on a simple hold where both are comfortable.
You learn about
each other, and set up the ground rules on how this is going to proceed. It
might be you two are not compatible. Fine, you just continue at this level till
the song ends, not pushing forward but also being courteous enough to finish
the song. If you DO connect at this basic level, you advance your movements to
the next section of the song.
2.
The Verse
The verse tells
the story of the song. Here is where each song becomes unique and should set
its self apart from the rest. Think of this as the development of the story and
characters. Here is where you start truly learning about your partner.
You begin to get
an idea of how far you and your partner could go. Some simple steps and tricks
are pulled, without committing to anything serious. This will avoid embarrassing
situations and miscommunications later on. This is more about having general
good time, keeping it light and fun. Again, here’s a chance to choose if you
move on or not.
3.
Coro & Soneo
If you have an
introduction, and the verse is the story development, Coro (Choir) and Soneo
(Singer improvisation) is where the conflict of the story is exposed, where the
real drama begins. Characters are presented with what they must overcome, and
their previous limits are exposed. The pair will usually break hold and show
off to each other. Although they are doing independent moves, they are still
done to impress their partner.
You can simply
stay in hold if one of you does not feel comfortable showing off; just make
sure to finish the song. Avoid breaking partnerships in mid-song as that is in
bad taste. Who knows, she might not be a good partner for you, but if you are a
true Gentleman, she will
introduce you to her friend who might be a good match.
4.
Mambo
Say it with me…. MAMBO. What does that sound like? You
really can’t say that word without a hint of naughtiness, can you? If
everything went well in the first three sections, you move on to Mambo. Mambo
is the climax of the story, where your individual skills are combined into a
single unit; based on everything you have seen up to now.
At this time it’s
all about partnering. This is the part of the dance that most people remember,
where all the flashy hand work, lifts, turns, and flips happen; in dancing and
in…. well, you get what I mean.
5.
Ending
Ending is where
things cool down.
You are given a
moment to decide if you want to continue to the next song together or if you
are going to take a break. If you decide not to continue to the next song, like
the Gentleman you are, you must
thank your partner for a wonderful dance before heading out.
By not
understanding the sections, meeting up with someone will just be a hit and
miss; sometimes it went well, other times it just would not click; with many
confusing signals and misinterpretations. This applies to dance and to life.
People tend to expect that their random partner simply match with them, and try
to force the match when it does not. Other times they might even think
outshining your partner and showing off will impress them. Boys and girls will
try to go all out, from start to finish, not pacing themselves and giving
themselves time to evaluate what was going on and what where they getting into.
This attitude always results in confusing complications and a lot of apologies.
What will a change
in attitude provide?
- Looking for a partner compatible with you before
proceeding to take things to another level.
Even if you are
leading, she has to be your equal in skill and interests. No longer will you be looking for a “quick
conquest” because you begin to realize that dumb partners make you look dumb by
association.
- Both partners make their intentions clear.
To be able to
partner dance well, both partners have to be in agreement as to what they will
be doing. Sure, the man might lead, but the woman has to agree to it. Is it
just a nice friendship, a one night stand, or are they interested in something
more? You have a chance to clear the air and be honest during the each section
so no one gets the wrong ideas.
- Give each other time to evaluate if you are comfortable with where you are and if they are ok with the next step.
Do you want to
keep it as is; are you ok to moving this into something more complicated? Is
she? Do either of you want to step back a bit? By staging each development, you
give each other time to understand if you are comfortable with the direction
that this is going. You will pace the relationship, whatever that relationship
may be.
The biggest problem romanceering
understands that when done improperly confusions and misinterpretations will
happen. You are not a kid and you don’t have either a quota or a deadline to
get something done. Take your time and enjoy the company. Sometimes a good
conversationalist is better than a complicated, drama filled, partner with
privileges.
(Article updated and adjusted for reprint in Good Men Project)
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