Learn to Ride your Wolf

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.

 Al Capone

If you have spent any time looking over any social media site, you must have come across the tale of the two wolves. If you haven’t, let me give you the cliff notes edition. It tells that within every man there exist two wolves. One wolf is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The moral is that you become the Wolf you feed. And I would agree with the story and it’s emotionally touching moral; except I don’t.

This is a story about the importance of restraint. And I am the first to state the importance of learning to have self-control and restraint. The problem with the story and with most comments out there about restraint is denying the violent side that is part of our nature by starving it. They seem to forget that if you starve a wolf, he becomes dangerously desperate.

We can’t kill off this side of our nature. Anger, hatred, regret, and resentment might seem like negative emotions that should be stamped out as we civilize ourselves. But we can’t, not if we accept our role as warriors. When properly channeled and controlled, these emotions push us to be more than we thought we could be.  They give us the courage to fight a battle we know is already lost, to get back up after we have been knocked down, to stand up to meet a challenge when it would be easier to just sit down. When everyone says that something can’t be done, that something is impossible, it’s these “negative” emotions that let you stand up proud and spout the greatest challenge you can offer the world:

Just watch me.

The problem is placing a bridle over your beast. It’s too easy to fall sway into to the emotions, to fight battles just to prove you can. In these cases, your ego will guide your fist. And that is where you have lost your battle, no matter the outcome. So you must find an outlet for this beast, a release valve. Because life will feed this wolf for you, with every frustration, ever argument, every traffic jam, every idiot holding up a line when you are rushed and every self-centered simpleton you will have to deal with. The wolf will grow and start eating at your soul. So give it an outlet.

Keep in mind that this is not a “Guy Thing.” Women have to deal with their own Beast, as this part of human nature has nothing  to do with gender.

Pick up a physically and mentally demanding hobby, something you can cut loose on. Be it fighting, painting, writing, dancing, or whatever you want. The important aspect when making this choice is that it must be something that requires some level of control. This hobby will work two fold. First, it will give the beast an outlet, keeping it from growing too much. Second, and even more important, it will teach you to call upon your beast when you need him, and be able to keep him under control.

Gandhi said it best when he said “It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence.” And in this life, you will need to call upon your wolf just to survive.

Don’t Fear Becoming a Dangerous Man.

The most dangerous man … is the man who is able to think things out ... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos.

H. L. Mencken

If you look over my articles, I avoid as much as possible establishing rules to follow or even guidelines. Many of the different concepts presented are up to personal interpretation. At best I can give people warnings based on my own mistakes (which have been plenty) or point them to a general direction based on my own path (again, based on my experience, read as the plenty of mistakes mentioned before). Why? Wouldn’t it be easier just to tell you what to do and how to act? Shouldn’t explanations like “Because I say so” and “We have always done it that way” be enough?

NO!

Question everything and everyone, including yourself. Read, think, analyze, and come to your own conclusion. There is a reason for everything, even if that reason is not evident or apparent. Learn to think outside the box. Way to many times people don’t understand a problem because they are actually asking the wrong questions or confusing results with problems.

Be wary of gut feelings and emotional reaction as well as “convenient” analysis, for both are there only to excuse and justify behavior. People tend to react emotionally, assuming that their “heart” is always right. If this is true, emotional manipulations and heartbreak would never be. Also the “convenient” analysis is just as dangerous. You know, the bullshit reasons you use to justify doing the wrong thing.

And accept that you can and will be wrong in your decisions. You will make mistakes and you will have to reconsider previous comments and actions. There is nothing wrong with this. It’s called growth. This attitude and acceptance will keep you humble, but will give you limitless confidence at the same time. When you’re not afraid to be wrong, you can dare to do anything. 

And with that confidence comes empowerment; the ability to challenge every idea and notion that gets regurgitated thoughtlessly by every group of sheep and line followers out there. This empowerment will give you the courage to stand when everyone else is sitting down. It will open your eyes to the truth behind the mysteries of life, letting you conquer what you didn’t even know was there. And it will give you the most dangerous gift that you will have to endure, Personal Liberty, as you realize how hard it is to deal with and how much it will elate you. 

Just remember what Oscar Wilde said, “An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.”

I Carry Loaded Words and I’m Not Afraid to Use Them.

Sometimes, people can be extraordinarily judgmental and closed-minded to anyone different or special, which is why it's so hard for young people in this day and age to be comfortable enough in their own skin to not listen to the people picking on them.

Ariana Grande

As a writer, you have the constant reminder that the sword of Damocles is over your head with every word you type. The reality is that words are powerful and dangerous and the more articulate one is, the more dangerous words become. But unlike the spoken word, where whatever stupidity you spout out is left at the mercy of the wind and memory, the written word is there, constant and eternal, just to remind you what was that stupidity you decided to include in the article, and left there after your third edit. That means I try to be careful as to what words I use, always considering how they might be interpreted.

The three words that I would have never guessed would have caused me the most aggravation are actually the three words that sat at the core of my entire treatise; Lady, Gentleman, and Chivalry. In this article, I will only focus on Lady and Gentleman, since it relates to the idea that I want to express.

Every once in a while, when I used either word in my articles, the reaction by some people was as if I had included a slur as they went into full blown attack mode. That caused me to reconsider using these words, looking for suitable synonyms. Apparently these words held some kind of weighted preconception and prejudice attached to them for some people. So I spent hours and days thinking and mulling for alternatives. Gallantry, Noble Man, Chevalier, Modern Woman, and many others would take the place of a term I found perfectly fine. And I actually began to question if these words held a stigma I was previously unaware of, if they were comparable to swear words or to slurs. But then I realized that slurs originated with the full intent of minimizing and dehumanizing a person while Lady and Gentleman originated with the intent of elevating a person, to show them respect.

And then I realized it. The problem is not the words, but the insecurities of these readers and the judgmental attitude towards anyone not like them. Within their closed-mindedness, they are assigning a negative value simply because they aren’t willing to follow the path of a Lady or of a Gentleman. The fact that I, and so many others do, makes their own self-doubt even more evident and transparent within their eyes, so they attack, as if such an attack would cause their own issues to fade away.

I try to avoid telling people how to walk the path, as each person should decide for themselves how to walk the path. My purpose is simply to make you think, as you have to walk your own path, the one that is best suited for each of you. But what I will not allow is someone’s small mindedness limit the path that I, and so many like me, want to walk. Always remember that equality is not based on sameness, but in respecting, accepting, and appreciating the differences between us. 

Beware of Becoming a Sin-Eater

Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears.

Says, “But doctor… I am Pagliacci.”

The Watchmen

One of the clearest traits of a Gentleman is his dedication to serving and helping others. He sees his role as the rock others need to stand tall, the wind so others can fly. They are willing to carry the burden of other’s pain, and do so with a calm smile. They are the shelter in the storm; the mast that holds up the sail. And as noble an endeavor as this is, there is always an ever present danger that many around him don’t consider, how much pain he can take in from others, besides his own.

You see, we chose a path that runs dangerously close to a Sin-Eater. For those who don’t know what a Sin-Eater is, this was an old tradition where, during a ceremony, a man would take in the sins committed by someone who was already in their death beds. That left the soon to be deceased free of sin, but it did condemn the Sin-Eater to carry the repercussions of hell. He did this willingly, knowing that he was helping others into heaven, even if it meant damning himself.

As we help others, we learn to hide our own problems rather well either behind a dismissive smile or a stern gaze. After a while we develop a high tolerance to our own pain at the risk of breaking at one point or another. And when we do break, we do so away from others, because we know full well the maelstrom that comes when we stop restraining ourselves.

Some people will start saying that this attitude of hiding our own weakness is part of the gender attitudes of men than need to change. We don’t hide our problems because we are men; we hide them because for us, being there for others, helping others, is more important than being helped. This attitude has no gender. This is the mother who hides from her children all the sacrifices she does, the father that thinks of himself last, always placing his family first, the friend willing to get into trouble for others. How are we supposed to be someone’s rock if they know we can crumble at any moment?

And that is where the danger comes in. How much are we willing to carry before our legs give out? Before we ask for help? Unless you take care of yourself, sooner than later, you will burn yourself out. And at that moment you can’t help anyone else. Learn to listen to the signs. Learn to ask for help. You don’t want to burden those close to you, ask for help from others. Learn to admit that some things are beyond your tolerance and ability to manage. Learn to stretch out you hand when you are down. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, not doing so does. 

Boring is a Choice.

Being boring is a choice. Those mild salsas and pleated khakis don’t buy themselves.

The Most Interesting Man in the World

A few months ago, I was having coffee with an old mentor of mine. During our conversation, he mentioned how much he enjoyed watching the Monaco Grand Prix on TV, to which I asked him why he had never seen it in person. Keep in mind that this is a semi-retired Gent with no real obligations or ties holding him back. His reaction let me know that he had never even considered that possibility. You could see him mentally scanning for reasons why he had never done this, yet came up blank. He then realized he had become a victim to his own stagnation.

We tend to complain about how boring our lives are when compared to others, especially in this overly connected world of social media personal marketing. We see what others are doing, their exploits and adventures, and are left with little more than petty envy. Yet the very choices we do every day condemn us to our boring existence.

Sure, that 20 hour Netflix marathon or that 15 hour gaming run might be fun, but isn’t there something better to do with your day than spending it stuck on a sofa, eating the same pizza and ice-cream? After it ends, you are left with what? Memories of a TV series of someone else’s life or of the adventures than never happened in your real life? 

Go out and live! Every action and every decision you take today determine how your reality tomorrow. Challenge yourself constantly. Expose yourself to new people and new experiences. That is the only way to truly expand your horizons.

And this begins with the small things in life. That lady you walk by the street every day in your way to work, wondering if you will ever be brave enough to talk to her. Start by giving her a smile and see where it goes from there. Next time you are thinking about going out, go to a different place than your usual spot. That place you keep Googling about, that country whose culture you are so fascinated about? Visit it. At best you will love it, at worst it will make an interesting story to tell.

Keep in mind I am not talking about the stupidity of YOLO, doing something without taking into consideration the repercussions of our actions. I am talking about CARPE DIEM, my friends. Seize the day. Take actions thinking about the memorability of it, how it's repercussions will resonate till the day you die. What stories will you tell your grandchildren? What grand adventure will you relate in your memoirs? What will anecdote will they tell during your eulogy?