The Soulful Gentleman

(Note: This post will deal with spirituality and soulfulness from a creative point of view. I am not going to deal with actual religions or faith, but rather mention the soul as the core of the creative process and beauty as a source of inspiration to the soul. With that clear, let’s start.)

Beauty awakens the soul to act.

Dante Alighieri

We have heard time and time again about the importance of having a balance between the mind and the body. You strengthen your body and educate your mind, pretty simple. Yet some other philosophies add a third element to the equation, the spirit. Yet this is a topic most people would rather avoid to avoid the dangerous waters of a conversation about religion or having your beliefs questioned when considering the aspects of spirituality in a world that prizes “practicality.” Yet, by avoiding this important conversation and by prizing practicality we set ourselves up for an unfulfilling and soulless existence that we simply can’t understand.

We can’t understand it simply because we forgot to learn that beauty is the food for the soul. Men are told to be practical, to the point of almost vulgar. Since our birth, we are told over and over how being inspired, being creative, or simply being in awe of the world we live in is a weakness that must be purged from our body.

Be strong, be tough. Art? That’s for wimps. Delicate beauty? You’re tough and you must only like tough things. Sit down, have a drink and wait till that shit passes.

This makes no sense when you consider how every warrior of old would balance his ability to destroy with his ability to create. He would balance all the horrors he saw in the battle field with all the beauty he found in the world. A samurai would spend hours on end simply searching for the perfect blossom. The knight would spend days searching for the right words to express his emotions in a prose. So at what point was being inspired by greatness an unmanly thing? How this came about, I have yet to figure it out.

Since ancient times, creativity was when man would let his gods speak through him and beauty was his gods speaking to him. Even if you don’t believe in a spiritual being, beauty has the ability to stir even the sternest of men, rattle their emotions and remind them they are alive!

At some moment during our lives we forgot to be alive. We work hard, make money, have a family, have success, yet there is an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and emptiness that eats you from your core. Why do you think the starving artist wouldn’t give up his art for that steady paycheck? Why do you think the misunderstood musician spends so many hours polishing his craft? They might not be able to pay your rent with art, but you can feed your soul with it.

So what do you do? Do you have to pick one or the other? No. That’s why balance is so important. It’s amusing how many older gentlemen pick up art, or develop their music, or start writing, or simply head out to find explore the world after they retire. They realized how their lives were missing a very important aspect, the ability to see beauty.

What can you to avoid having to wait so long? What can you do to fill that gaping hole within yourself? Learn to view beauty and learn to speak beauty. Look at the world and how wondrous it actually is. Be in awe, not only of nature, but of everything. Amaze at the intricacies of an engine just as you would of a blossom. Listen to music and all its levels and harmonies. Learn to look at a person and see how all their imperfections simply add to their beauty. Because beauty is imperfection. It’s those imperfections that make every experience unique.

Here’s the secret. Force to look at what the beauty within the world. Force yourself to write, to paint, to draw, to pick up that guitar you gave up so long ago when you went to work. Force yourself to be inspired, to feel, to express. Dive head first into that pool of unbridled emotions and learn to sail that storm. Dare to be inspired and tell someone they are beautiful. Gentlemen, never give up an opportunity to see beauty and create beauty, as that is your soul talking to you.

 

Chivalry Is A Man’s Recognition Of His Privileges

Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth.

Charles Kingsley (1819-1875)

Some time ago I posted an article where I mentioned how “few words create such a vivid, complex, controversial, and individualized interpretation within the English language as Gentleman. Although Chivalry isn’t far behind.” At that time, I focused on the universal archetype of the Gentleman, leaving to deal with Chivalry on a later date.

Guess what? It’s a later date.

Many people dismiss (or rather would like to dismiss) chivalry as a concept whose time has passed. “I treat everyone equally” or “it’s about being civil” or the ever present “I respect everyone” are used over and over as an apparent dismissal of the need for Chivalry. Others have called Chivalry as a form of “benevolent sexism” citing the fact that gentlemen tend to offer ladies a higher level of respect in actions than they do other men. This would be true if it had anything to do with what chivalry actually is and the obligations it imposes on a gentleman.

I used the word obligations with full intent of the word. Since the days of the Knight and the Samurai and the Junzi, the chivalrous had moral obligations due to his privileged position within society. They understood the blessings they possessed, and also understood that these blessings came with a series of duties. This attitude carried on to the gentlemen of old and carries on to the modern gentlemen. The problem today is how men refuse to acknowledge their social obligations as they refuse to acknowledge the privileges within their lives.

Your age gives you the privilege of experience. This means you have the duty of mentorship. Your youth gives you the privilege of strength. This means you have an obligation to protect those you can. Up to now, this is pretty easy to understand by everyone. But it’s when you move to recognizing some touchy subjects that people tend to ignore their privileges within the world. Here’s where most tend to falter within their duties and obligations as they refuse to see the inequalities within the world and how they are benefited from these social injustices.

Your social standings and financial security, however earned, mean you are privileged to a better life. This means you have a duty to lead a charitable life helping those less fortunate. Your gender as a man means you don’t have to deal with some of the sexism and threats women deal with every day from men who openly attack them simply for being a woman. This means you have a duty to, at the very least make their everyday a little better as you understand the burdens of being a woman within today’s society. Remember that “benevolent sexism” comment? As a gentleman, you are more of a feminist than most guys who simply believe in treating women as equals. But as I have said before, not everyone understands chivalry.

Phrases like “I treat everyone equally” simply mean you refuse to accept the privileges you possess. This, if anything, means you are doing the very least to lead a civil life while enjoying how life handed you a better hand. You refuse to acknowledge how your social standing benefits you, how your race benefits you, how your sexual orientation benefits you, or how your gender benefits you.

It isn’t that you are better than anyone, but that you understand that your life has provided you with certain benefits and blessings, irrelevant of how they happened. Chivalry is an act of social equity where you recognize your privileges and work to help those around you. This is why, even though a gentleman might be well off, he is able to remain humble. You recognize every privilege given to you by life and understand how others are not as fortunate. You understand that something as simple as being able to help others, even if it’s as simple as making their lives a little more comfortable, means you are obligated to do so.

That is why a gentleman holds himself to such high standards. With all your blessings and good fortune, your life must be one of service to others. Be honored that within your belief you carry the traditions and attitude of those who came before you; the Knights, the Samurai, and the Junzi.

Is Chivalry dead? Not as long as Gentlemen live with a Warrior’s hearts.

How A Death Challenged Gender Perspective In Puerto Rico’s Culture

A few days ago (Feb. 8 at 12:54 am), a woman was run over as she was crossing a street. The driver fled the scene. In an Island (Puerto Rico) where the deaths per weekend have been known to reach the double digits, this death might have easily gone unnoticed. Except the woman who died was Ivania Zayas, a local singer/songwriter with a small but loyal fan base, who brought people’s attention to this tragic event in the social media.

However, what brought this into the public eye wasn’t simply the loss of a talented musician to an act of tragedy, but the comments of Félix Bauzó, director of the Homicide Division of Criminal Investigation Corps, who questioned the logic of why Ivania was walking the streets alone at that hour.

“It is unusual for a lady, around 1 am, to be crossing that avenue (65th Infantry) and therefore we have to investigate whether she was alone or accompanied. If she was alone, it is worrisome, if she wasn’t, then it would be interesting to know what they were doing, where they came from, that kind of details.” (Translated from NotiCel)

I think there is no need to explain the nature of this comment as it speaks for itself more clearly than I could ever portray. The comment sparked a social media backlash in the form of the hashtag #AndandoLaCalleSola (Walking the street alone); challenging the idea that a woman walking alone at night is an invitation for violence.

Although Officer Bauzó later retracted his comments, they did give a clear image of the rampant gender stereotyping, sexism, and victim blaming within Puerto Rico’s society. This exposition demonstrates the need to promote an open discussion and education about how society views women and gender stereotypes as a whole. Interestingly enough, in an uncommon act of proactivity, the government is currently developing a program for the Department of Education based on Gender Perspective, by which they will educate our youth about the damages caused by gender stereotyping. Unfortunately, these efforts are being shut down, not by the “Patriarchy” and “Machista” community (not that the machistas mind it being shut down), but by a limited but very aggressive group of religious fundamentalists who view opening the discussion about Gender Perspective as the gate way to the “Gay Agenda.” Interestingly enough over 40 other religious and social organizations have established their support to the project.

And there lies the main problem of our society, a society so willing to cover their ears with their own prejudice, that ignores its reality. A society where religious extremists want to ignore any conversation about sexual orientation and gender discrimination, as if that made the LGBT community and open gender stereotyping to disappear. A society where machistas ignore any conversation about women’s rights and gender equality, as if this created a social reality (that never existed to begin with) where a woman’s role was to serve her husband.

Perspectives should never be ignored just because they are not your own and knowledge should never be suppressed just because it makes you uncomfortable. We owe future generations to provide them with the information, the tools, and the vision to create a better Puerto Rico, and a better world. As a great man once said, “Reasoning doesn’t have a gender.” (La razon no tiene sexo. - Eugenio Maria de Hostos)

This is a topic I have dealt with since I started writing online as can be evident from my first article for GMP, How Macho Culture Sets Men Up to Fail.

I was part of a debate run by Meryland Cuevas on this topic earlier this week for Otros Veinte Pesos, a Spanish speaking site. 

This is the first part of the debate.

And Part 2. Additional information and closing comments.

Prove Your Worth Only To Yourself.

You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.

Maya Angelou

As a man in today’s society, you will find yourself having to prove your worth constantly. Be it to your boss, your employees, your significant other, your friends, your family, and to every single stranger you meet, especially in the online community. Let me simply state that if you need to prove your worth, you already forgot your own value.

We live in a society so centered in focusing everything everyone does wrong that is becomes hard to see what anyone does right. Shame and guilt has become the most common tool to keep people in line, even if they never stray from said line. Men are born with the guilt of weakness as every single negative stereotype of masculinity is thrown on our shoulders. Having to prove they are better than their brothers, we need to prove ourselves with a constant pissing contest among ourselves. To women, we are constantly forced to prove ourselves worthy, as so many before us laid the groundwork for a life of shaming.

Here’s a little secret to all of you. You don’t need to play that game. Anyone who needs you to prove your worth is not really looking to see your worth.  They are really interested in proving their own preconceptions right. The fact that they make you feel you need to prove yourself to them, says a lot about them. They are looking to judge you based on their own weaknesses, not yours.

Self-worth doesn’t come from validation from others; it comes from validation from yourself, from realizing you are worthy. When you send your time in hopes to being accepted, you lose yourself in the process. Realize you have to prove yourself to yourself, and nobody else. Your self-worth has nothing to do with what others think of you, but what you think of yourself. When you feel the need to prove your worth, you already forgot your value. With that in mind, why would you need to prove yourself to anyone?

If you believe in yourself, if you believe you are worthy, it should reflect in everything you do. That means anyone who wants to see your worth would only need to look at who you are and what you do. There shouldn’t be a need to show it or sell yourself or prove your actions. They should be evident enough for anyone to see them.

Sharing A Vision

Knowledge gains value when shared.

Being Caballero

I have noticed how some people hold their cards close to their chest. They guard the knowledge they have acquired zealously as they fear their advantage will diminish if they lose their “upper hand.” And I can respect that. I don’t agree, but I can respect that.

I don’t agree because I believe that your value as a person only increases as you help others grow and the value of knowledge and wisdom happens only after they have been tested and questioned by others. Knowledge and Wisdom untested and unquestioned is nothing more than an opinion. A man unwilling to help others grow…is not much of a man.

In a way, that is where this blog and my contributions to other sites came about. It’s not the same thing to believe something than to actually write it up for others to judge and comment. It’s not the same thing to have ideals if you are not willing to consider you might be wrong, or how you could refine and develop them. And most importantly, having this knowledge is useless if you are unwilling to share it with others, as they are able to consider how your ideals might help them develop themselves.

So with that in mind, and after being encouraged by other like-minded individuals, I have actually picked up again the book project. I have yet to give a big push to find a Literary Agent or Publisher, as I want to first have a finished project and give it a test run. Just so you have a better idea what I am currently planning, Cammino (“Path”, “Journey”, or simply “I walk” in Italian) is currently a 250 page (80K words) manual. It will be broken down into 3 sections; Introduction to what Gentleman means, Self-development and Rebuilding/Rebirth, and Social Interaction/Social Responsibility. Still not sure if these will be sold individually or as a whole. Some of it is expanding on previously published articles and others are completely new essays. My current plan is to start with a digital distribution, and see where it goes from there.

I know I mention how you gain value from helping others, and I feel this will provide me the opportunity to help, not only those who read it, but others as well. My intent is part of the profits to help out several charities and the rest to develop my own social development projects. Life has given me enough to know I owe it back.