The Soulful Gentleman

(Note: This post will deal with spirituality and soulfulness from a creative point of view. I am not going to deal with actual religions or faith, but rather mention the soul as the core of the creative process and beauty as a source of inspiration to the soul. With that clear, let’s start.)

Beauty awakens the soul to act.

Dante Alighieri

We have heard time and time again about the importance of having a balance between the mind and the body. You strengthen your body and educate your mind, pretty simple. Yet some other philosophies add a third element to the equation, the spirit. Yet this is a topic most people would rather avoid to avoid the dangerous waters of a conversation about religion or having your beliefs questioned when considering the aspects of spirituality in a world that prizes “practicality.” Yet, by avoiding this important conversation and by prizing practicality we set ourselves up for an unfulfilling and soulless existence that we simply can’t understand.

We can’t understand it simply because we forgot to learn that beauty is the food for the soul. Men are told to be practical, to the point of almost vulgar. Since our birth, we are told over and over how being inspired, being creative, or simply being in awe of the world we live in is a weakness that must be purged from our body.

Be strong, be tough. Art? That’s for wimps. Delicate beauty? You’re tough and you must only like tough things. Sit down, have a drink and wait till that shit passes.

This makes no sense when you consider how every warrior of old would balance his ability to destroy with his ability to create. He would balance all the horrors he saw in the battle field with all the beauty he found in the world. A samurai would spend hours on end simply searching for the perfect blossom. The knight would spend days searching for the right words to express his emotions in a prose. So at what point was being inspired by greatness an unmanly thing? How this came about, I have yet to figure it out.

Since ancient times, creativity was when man would let his gods speak through him and beauty was his gods speaking to him. Even if you don’t believe in a spiritual being, beauty has the ability to stir even the sternest of men, rattle their emotions and remind them they are alive!

At some moment during our lives we forgot to be alive. We work hard, make money, have a family, have success, yet there is an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and emptiness that eats you from your core. Why do you think the starving artist wouldn’t give up his art for that steady paycheck? Why do you think the misunderstood musician spends so many hours polishing his craft? They might not be able to pay your rent with art, but you can feed your soul with it.

So what do you do? Do you have to pick one or the other? No. That’s why balance is so important. It’s amusing how many older gentlemen pick up art, or develop their music, or start writing, or simply head out to find explore the world after they retire. They realized how their lives were missing a very important aspect, the ability to see beauty.

What can you to avoid having to wait so long? What can you do to fill that gaping hole within yourself? Learn to view beauty and learn to speak beauty. Look at the world and how wondrous it actually is. Be in awe, not only of nature, but of everything. Amaze at the intricacies of an engine just as you would of a blossom. Listen to music and all its levels and harmonies. Learn to look at a person and see how all their imperfections simply add to their beauty. Because beauty is imperfection. It’s those imperfections that make every experience unique.

Here’s the secret. Force to look at what the beauty within the world. Force yourself to write, to paint, to draw, to pick up that guitar you gave up so long ago when you went to work. Force yourself to be inspired, to feel, to express. Dive head first into that pool of unbridled emotions and learn to sail that storm. Dare to be inspired and tell someone they are beautiful. Gentlemen, never give up an opportunity to see beauty and create beauty, as that is your soul talking to you.

 

A Gentleman’s Guide to Catcalling and Compliments.

I can understand all the confusion and arguments that have arisen from the topic of Catcalling. You might think it’s insulting to women or you might think it’s a compliment. The reality is that without understanding what you are doing, or simply generalizing an act, you can’t really make a proper judgment call on this, or any, topic. So with that in mind, let’s look at Catcalling/Complimenting.

I’m not here to shame you into behaving, we get that way too often by other people. Way to often I am seeing men dismiss it, saying that it’s a compliment and women should be glad they get the attention. Other men react disgusted by it, but their explanation sounds way to often like a pre-rehearsed script written for them to avoid social shaming. With that in mind I want to handle the subject from a practical, nonjudgmental standpoint.

First off, what’s catcalling? Taking away all the subjective and qualitative aspect, it’s a person openly calling out another person to get their attention. Why do some people catcall? Supposedly to compliment the other person. I say supposedly because that’s not what happens, from a practical perspective.

Let’s say your intention is trying to get the attention of a woman you want to meet. So you openly call her out on her beauty. Doesn’t sound that bad, right? In a way it is. You called the attention of everyone around you to her. You just threw her in a spotlight she wasn’t either interested in or prepared for. Think of it as yelling out “Hey everyone, look at her!” while shining a big stoplight on her as she is surrounded by complete strangers. You might not mind it, but she might. And you just didn’t care if she did or didn’t, you openly told her you don’t care what she thinks, because her only purpose is to amuse you.

Things kind of start taking a different perspective, right.

Now, let’s look at you. Yelling out a comment like that is little more than what a kid does when he yells out “Mom, look at me…mom, look no hands…mom, you’re not looking!” It’s a cry for attention and validation, be it from the lady or from the people around you. If you need that kind of validation, your problem is not that you catcall, but that you don’t value yourself enough. It also proves that you don’t have the self-confidence enough to walk up to her, the self-confidence to risk rejection. How exactly where you planning to talk to her afterwards if you can’t even get the courage to walk up to her?

And this is just with those “non-offensive” catcalls. When you step into the realm of vulgarity, you are basically letting her know that you view her as little more than a replacement for your own hand. At this point you are also letting her know what kind of man you are and what she can expect if she responds. This isn’t about compliments any more, but about openly demeaning her and threatening her. At this point, you crossed the boundary between a misguided guy making a social faux pas, and dove head in into the rapist mentality.

Please reconsider your life path.

But let’s say you still want to say hello, or to tell her she’s beautiful, or simply to be civil. Guess what? You have options.

First consider how many idiots, assholes, and just plain stupid people there are in the world. Don’t worry; I’ll wait till you think about this…

Now ask yourself how a complete stranger knows you are not one of them? “She shouldn’t judge me without knowing me!” Why not? You did it to her. You don’t know what’s going on with her, what her story is. Your attitude proved this already when you expect her to consider your comment. Your comment and your reaction became your first impression.

The second thing you have to consider is how to get rid of the spotlight effect. If your action calls out the attention of everyone around you, or calls attention to her, you are spotlighting. That’s why so many guys react offended when the lady doesn’t reply or react positively. You placed yourself in a position where her rejection made you look bad. The reality is YOU placed YOURSELF in that situation, not her. So don’t blame her.

So if to say hello, or to comment or compliment, you need to raise your voice, you are spotlighting. If you want to tell her hello while she walks by, say hello in a civilized tone. Start with a smile to see if she is even paying attention. If she doesn’t respond, saying hello at this point is telling her “Look at me!” Again, you are not riding a bike, and she is not your mother.

Let’s say you want to tell her she is beautiful, attractive, or whatever other idea you might have that isn’t crass or reduces her to a plastic doll. First off, apologize for interrupting whatever she is doing. The reality is you are stepping into her world, and interrupting her life, even if it’s to give her a compliment. This simple act will let you know if the comment is welcomed. If she reacts negatively, apologize and walk away. No foul and no harm. Consider that you have no idea what she is doing, thinking, or going through. Or maybe she is just a bad person. It might be for the best.

If she responded negatively, please don’t press the issue. At that point you are proving it wasn’t about giving her a compliment, but rather about you giving a compliment. Again…Bike and mom looking.

So consider the reality of the situation. There is nothing wrong with a hello or a compliment. Just keep in mind that a compliment is only a compliment when it’s given like one. 

I Carry Loaded Words and I’m Not Afraid to Use Them.

Sometimes, people can be extraordinarily judgmental and closed-minded to anyone different or special, which is why it's so hard for young people in this day and age to be comfortable enough in their own skin to not listen to the people picking on them.

Ariana Grande

As a writer, you have the constant reminder that the sword of Damocles is over your head with every word you type. The reality is that words are powerful and dangerous and the more articulate one is, the more dangerous words become. But unlike the spoken word, where whatever stupidity you spout out is left at the mercy of the wind and memory, the written word is there, constant and eternal, just to remind you what was that stupidity you decided to include in the article, and left there after your third edit. That means I try to be careful as to what words I use, always considering how they might be interpreted.

The three words that I would have never guessed would have caused me the most aggravation are actually the three words that sat at the core of my entire treatise; Lady, Gentleman, and Chivalry. In this article, I will only focus on Lady and Gentleman, since it relates to the idea that I want to express.

Every once in a while, when I used either word in my articles, the reaction by some people was as if I had included a slur as they went into full blown attack mode. That caused me to reconsider using these words, looking for suitable synonyms. Apparently these words held some kind of weighted preconception and prejudice attached to them for some people. So I spent hours and days thinking and mulling for alternatives. Gallantry, Noble Man, Chevalier, Modern Woman, and many others would take the place of a term I found perfectly fine. And I actually began to question if these words held a stigma I was previously unaware of, if they were comparable to swear words or to slurs. But then I realized that slurs originated with the full intent of minimizing and dehumanizing a person while Lady and Gentleman originated with the intent of elevating a person, to show them respect.

And then I realized it. The problem is not the words, but the insecurities of these readers and the judgmental attitude towards anyone not like them. Within their closed-mindedness, they are assigning a negative value simply because they aren’t willing to follow the path of a Lady or of a Gentleman. The fact that I, and so many others do, makes their own self-doubt even more evident and transparent within their eyes, so they attack, as if such an attack would cause their own issues to fade away.

I try to avoid telling people how to walk the path, as each person should decide for themselves how to walk the path. My purpose is simply to make you think, as you have to walk your own path, the one that is best suited for each of you. But what I will not allow is someone’s small mindedness limit the path that I, and so many like me, want to walk. Always remember that equality is not based on sameness, but in respecting, accepting, and appreciating the differences between us.