Man goes to doctor. Says he’s
depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a
threatening world. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci
is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into
tears.
Says, “But doctor… I am
Pagliacci.”
The Watchmen
One of the clearest traits of a Gentleman is
his dedication to serving and helping others. He sees his role as the rock
others need to stand tall, the wind so others can fly. They are willing to
carry the burden of other’s pain, and do so with a calm smile. They are the
shelter in the storm; the mast that holds up the sail. And as noble an endeavor
as this is, there is always an ever present danger that many around him don’t
consider, how much pain he can take in from others, besides his own.
You see, we chose a path that runs dangerously
close to a Sin-Eater. For those who don’t know what a Sin-Eater is, this was an
old tradition where, during a ceremony, a man would take in the sins committed by
someone who was already in their death beds. That left the soon to be deceased free of sin, but
it did condemn the Sin-Eater to carry the repercussions of hell. He did this
willingly, knowing that he was helping others into heaven, even if it meant
damning himself.
As we help others, we learn to hide our own problems
rather well either behind a dismissive smile or a stern gaze. After a while we
develop a high tolerance to our own pain at the risk of breaking at one point
or another. And when we do break, we do so away from others, because we know
full well the maelstrom that comes when we stop restraining ourselves.
Some people will start saying that this attitude
of hiding our own weakness is part of the gender attitudes of men than need to
change. We don’t hide our problems because we are men; we hide them because for
us, being there for others, helping others, is more important than being
helped. This attitude has no gender. This is the mother who hides from her
children all the sacrifices she does, the father that thinks of himself last,
always placing his family first, the friend willing to get into trouble for
others. How are we supposed to be someone’s rock if they know we can crumble at
any moment?
And that is where the danger comes in. How much
are we willing to carry before our legs give out? Before we ask for help? Unless
you take care of yourself, sooner than later, you will burn yourself out. And
at that moment you can’t help anyone else. Learn to listen to the signs. Learn
to ask for help. You don’t want to burden those close to you, ask for help from
others. Learn to admit that some things are beyond your tolerance and ability
to manage. Learn to stretch out you hand when you are down. Asking for help doesn’t
make you weak, not doing so does.
If you are not new here, you probably have
notice that I won’t sugar coat life. A lot of my write-ups are about keeping
that fighting spirit alive, about never losing the warrior side of being a
Gentleman. Because without it, you won’t survive life.
