4/3/15

The Simple Art Of Being Charming



It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
Oscar Wilde
As we begin to break down some of the aspects of social skills, I thought it appropriate to start with one of the most sought after, disdained, and misunderstood skill any man can have: How to be Charming.

Disney has spent decades reinforced a cult to Prince Charming, and as a result, society has created a counter culture of mistrusting any man who tries to be Charming. But what is a Charming man? Is he the sought after man, the center of attention? Is he the goal that every man should become or the prize every woman (or man, depending on your orientation) wants to be?
Or is he the unrealistic goal, set only to further confuse people about what to be or what to search out?

The reality is that you should be yourself first. Charming should simply be a complement to who you are. We have been trained to look at the negativity of everything, using it as a way to feel better about ourselves. But within this negative oriented society, charming becomes a breath of fresh air, a glass of water in a desert of destructive criticism and people more willing to complain than to help.  Because that’s the secret behind Charming. Charming isn’t about attracting attention to yourself, but giving positive attention to the other person. THAT’s what makes charming people popular. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone who brightens your day?

It’s not that they are some kind of comedic clown or even a brown-noser, but a Charming Man will bring an unconscious smile to everyone around them. They will shine a spotlight on the positive side of any situation or lighten the mood of any dreary day. They come in as a ray of sunshine in a cloudy day, giving you the sun’s warmth when you need it.

That sounds pretty poetic, but how do you become that kind of man?

You start by projecting a positive vibe. The easiest way to do this is to let people know you are happy to see them. Make them understand how you recognize and validate their presence. How? Actually look at them and hint a smile. (An artful smile is the most powerful tool anyone can have. I can’t emphasis this enough.) This will make the person feel that their presence made your day, causing them to smile too. Getting someone to smile lightens their mood without them realizing it. Follow up by making “person specific” comments. People don’t expect others to them as individuals, so making this kind of comment will let them know YOU are actually paying attention. Then ask about them to talk about themselves. Listen and give positive feedback.

Nothing makes a person happier than realizing their existence is appreciated. It’s that simple!

The irony of being charming is that by paying attention to others and making other’s lives a little less dreary, people will seek out for you. And that’s what makes a person fear someone who is charming. He makes them realize just how important it is to be appreciated. In a world so focused on “Me” or on how the universe makes “Me” miserable, who wouldn’t want to have someone around that make life worth enjoying and brings a smile to “Me.”