Pride is taking less than you
need.
Khalil
Gibran
We are constantly bombarded with the
idea that we live in a narcissist society. People constantly post how awesome
their lives are in FB, upload selfie after selfie in a desperate need for likes,
and post comments on every social post in a need to feel heard. There is a
rather interesting irony to all of this need for attention and recognition. Of
all the questions and posts people make, there is one that challenges more than
any other, one that even the most confident person seems to have problems
answering, and yet it’s one of the most common within our social interaction.
Tell me about yourself.
We have become so self-conscious
about not sounding arrogant and about being humble that we tend to sell
ourselves short or act humble for narcissistic reasons. Other times we use the “start
weak / end strong” strategy that works great in conflict situations. This stratagem
doesn’t quite work in a non-conflict environment. Let’s look at both cases.
I want you to consider two things
about what you are doing when selling yourself short when being humble of whom
you are. The first to review is the reason why you are doing this. If you are
good at something, stating it is nothing more than stating a truth. Note that I
am not talking about ramping up your self-importance, but why do you feel you
must hide the matter-of-fact aspects? The problem is that we are made to feel
ashamed of success, or at least not to be proud of it. Are you doing it because
you are ashamed of your success or of what you have achieved? Are you actually being
humble or are you just selling the idea of being humble? Are you selling it to
others? Or worse, to yourself?
The other aspect is the “start weak
/ end strong” tactic. This works great in a prolonged conflict situation where
you can take advantage of the miscommunication. You start out weak, giving
yourself time to better read your opponent while at the same time causes your opponent
to underestimate you. In this kind of interaction, this strategy works great. The
problem is that this one doesn’t work well at all when you want to create a
positive impression on a person.
When you meet someone, you start
creating a frame over which you define a picture of the person. This foundation
establishes the base idea, your initial opinion of the person. To avoid giving
an impression of arrogance, people tend to avoid starting with the positive
aspects of themselves, or if they do, these aspects are down played. The logic
is that the person will later realize just how good of a person you really are
when they get to know you better.
Remember that you have to consider
the other participant of the conversation. If you start off explaining the
negative aspects of who you are, THAT will be the foundation they will use to
define you. Everything else you state after that will be based over that
negative view that YOU created for them. Interestingly enough, after the base
frame is created in a person’s head, a lot of what you say afterwards is simply
static noise, so whatever positive elements you dish out are lost.
That being said, you should start
with the positive aspects of yourself. If you know who you are and what you are
worth, you should have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. This will create a
positive frame though which the person will view you. And you are doing this by
being honest about yourself. You can follow up with the not so positive
elements, mostly for disclosure purposes. Keep in mind that if you are a good
person, successful in what you do, and honorable in your character; it has been
because of a conscious effort and hard work. This is something you should never
be ashamed of.
