You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.
A few weeks ago, I was part of a rather interesting discussion. The question proposed to the group was pretty simple.
What is the most impressive quality in a man?
I was expecting the usual suspects; confidence, trustworthiness, or passion. And just as I expected, these where thrown around. And the conversation continued as anyone could have predicted following the same typical comments found online all over the place. To be truly honest, I was somewhat disappointed at this time, since nothing of what was discussed challenged our preconceptions. Till one lady within the discussion challenged us all with a flash of inspiration.
She halted the conversation by stating how she didn’t agree with what was stated. She went on to explain her opinion. (Rules of the group: You can’t condemn something without an appropriate counter argument or a better solution) She agreed that trustworthiness is critical, but for everyone, not just men, but she set off to challenge confidence and passion.
She clarified that there are plenty of incredible men who are shy beyond belief and most of the artists she knows suffer from serious bouts of self-doubt. They were willing to show off their work, not as a demonstration of self-confidence, but as a challenge to their self-doubt.
As for passion, she called on those face painted sports fans that run around events shirtless, showing off their dedication to their favorite team. She commented how these men demonstrate what true passion for an ideal is. You could argue that this is misplaced passion, but who are we to judge someone else’s passion and happiness.
So the question was fired back at her, “What IS the most impressive quality in a man?” There was a pause, and I swear you could almost see her smirk as the post came up.
"A man who has his shit together."
There was an instant where I know the rest of the group just thought about this, processed it and digested this. And as we were busy in mental analysis, she went on a beautiful rant.
“I have enough problems in my life to go out and find another one. I don’t mean the guy has to have his life figured out, but a guy who at least has some plan to make his life work, and actually is following through with his plan.” And this made perfect sense.
Way too many men assume that life will solve itself without any real effort. Others expect people to like them for who they are, without really offering much to like. And yet others expect to find someone who will fix their lives for them.
And these last ones are the most dangerous, because there are plenty of women looking for a man to fix, to mother them. These women feel validated in helping out the man till they realize that this man has no intention of actually being fixed. By this time, they have wasted months or years in a relationship that went nowhere.
Gentlemen, life is hard. It will knock you down. And that’s ok, and actually expected to happen. Now, to stay down? That is unacceptable. You need to brush yourself off, keep your dignity, and stand up again. Just because it hasn’t gone great, is no reason to sit on your ass, as if your problems will magically solve themselves by ignoring them. Also, nobody is obligated to accept your problems, solve your problems, or even deal with your problems. Everyone has problems of their own, so expecting them to take on yours as well is pretty selfish on your part.
So, what is the most impressive quality in a man? A man who takes care of himself.