The Wingwomen

When men and women agree, it is only in their conclusions; their reasons are always different.

George Santayana

Any man or woman who frequents the Single Scene, specially the more treacherous Bar Stage, can tell you what a daunting challenge it is. Between the crowds and the self-judgmental nerves you will have right before trying to meet someone, this creates an environment where drinking is such an integral part of the social ritual just to overcome the fact that you place yourself in such a vulnerable situation. For group support and to avoid the creepy/desperate vibe that accompanies all lonely men/women hanging out in a Bar, men and women rely on having a Wingman or a Wingwoman respectively.

wing·man (wiNGˌmən) noun: Wingman; plural noun: wingmen

1. a pilot whose aircraft is positioned behind and outside the leading aircraft in a formation.
2. a person who will offer support and advice to a friend while dealing with potential partners.

We see them all the time, pairs of men and pairs of women hanging out like hunters in clubs, surveying the area for possible encounters. These duos keep each other company, shooting the breeze till an appropriate prospect catches their eye. The Wingman will help the gentleman get close to the lady, either by striking up the initial conversation or by distracting the woman’s friends. The Wingwoman will usually assist the lady in avoiding the attention of undesirable men. That is the social norm, guys with guys and ladies with ladies. Guess some things from Kindergarten never change.

I have actually read several articles telling men that his Wingman should be another man, because that’s how it should be. They actually mention that you, as a man, should avoid being accompanied by a woman when looking for prospective partners, as it will scare off other women. Really? If the intention is to find a lady with whom to enjoy her company, why do we focus on the gender separation? To me, that sounds like the old elementary school dances, boys with boys, and girls with girls, till they get together. Gentlemen, let me make one thing clear, a Wingwoman will trump a Wingman every single time.

• The fact that you are able to hang out with a woman says a lot about you.

This is a subject most men will usually overlook. How do you expect to strike up a conversation with a lady if you can’t even have a woman as a friend? The fact that you are able to hang out with a woman without it being a date says a lot about you as a man. It proves, at least to a certain degree, how you are not some creepy “nice guy” and how you are able to relate to a woman without hitting on her. This alone places you miles ahead most men.

Also, “hanging out” with a woman makes other women not as threatening. You get comfortable around the opposite sex, realizing that they are not these strange and conniving creatures some men try to make them out to be. Spend some time with them, get to know them. You will realize we are not that different if you stop being such an ass with them.

• It’s easier for a woman to approach another woman.

Part of the duties of the Wingman is to get you past the initial challenge of approaching a woman. Think of how easy it is for you, as a man, to talk to any other guy. Unless you are at the urinal, it’s pretty easy. (Note: Don’t try to talk to another guy at the urinal. That’s just creepy.) Same thing with women. (Not sure about women striking conversations in the bathroom. You will have to ask a woman about that.)

• “Men don’t understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.”

Let me start with the following two clarifications. First, any man who says he understands women is lying. Second, women don’t hate each other. They are just as competitive as men. The funny thing is the more you look at each other, outside the bullshit that society forces on us, men and women aren’t that different. But it’s that social bullshit that confuses men and women alike. Having a woman in this environment helps you get some perspective and decipher some of the social queues that women have. 

• You get a front row seat to the advantages and disadvantages that women deal with.

Another advantage of hanging out with a lady, as her friend, is you will get more than a couple free drinks. Way too many idiots think they can impress women by buying them off with drinks. These same fools will think that if they are cool with you, they will automatically be cool with her, assuming your loyalty is for sale.

Here is where you start learning what women deal with, the good and the bad. More than once you will have to stand up to guys who don’t understand when your Wingwoman says “Not interested.” More than once you will have to be her “boyfriend” as you get a front row seat to every catcall, every cheap line, and every unwarranted advance. If anything, you will learn what NOT to do.

"That's my Old Man," Toast to Daddying.

Brothers, I raise my glass to you.
The Men that view what they do as being a Dad and not Babysitting.
The Men who prove that being a Dad is not about biology but about love.
The Men making it work with the kid, even if it didn't work with the mom.
The Men that are a Dad, and a Mom as well.

Here’s to not being the idiot that sitcoms make us out to be,
Here’s for not being another statistic of an absentee father
And for wanting to be by their side more than anything else in the world.

Here’s to reading more children’s books than newspapers.
Here’s to bubble baths and stepping on Legos.
And learning how quickly your kids will pick up on curse words.

Here’s to the manly art of sippy tea parties and high pinkies.
Here’s to having your nails dipped in hot pink nail polish.
And learning how to make a proper fluffy bow.

Here is to standing up to the Monsters,
Those under the beds and in the closets,
And teaching the bravery needed for when you are not there.

Here’s for learning that mysterious code that is new math,
Giving up on asking what was wrong with the old math,
And realizing that even YOU need Google to understand it.

Here’s for helping make volcanoes,
Teaching them about mixing soda bottles and Mentos,
And laughing about the mess together as you have to clean it up.

Here’s to mending broken hearts and disillusioned dreams,
Motivational speeches that would put Dr. Phil to shame,
And just knowing when to just shut up and listen.

Here’s to teaching self-respect and self-assurance,
Even when you doubt every step you take.
And here’s to not letting them know just how often you are winging it.

Here’s to showing daughters what to expect from men.
Here’s to showing sons how a man should behave.
And here’s to respecting their choices.


Here's to learning how to build a bike.
At 2am in total darkness and silence.
Just to keep another year of dreams alive, if not for them, for you.

Here’s to being a kid,
A friend
And a Body Guard

Here’s to diapers,
Doctor visits
And Diplomas,

Here’s to realizing you are growing old,
Not by your lack of hair,
But by how much your kids have grown.

And if you’re new to the club,
Here’s to realizing that whatever your dreams were before having kids,
They pale in comparison to what your dreams are now,

So raise your glass, beer, juice box, or sippy cup.
And realizing that you did your job right
When your kid proudly says to others “That’s my Old Man.”

In search of the Viral Gentleman.

Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.

Muhammad Ali

Most people get into the social media with Viral Dreams, hoping they post that one video or one picture that will make them into an overnight sensation. Every time they upload, they pray that upload turns into an invitation to Ellen or a spot in Good Morning America. Me, I had simpler aspirations, to pay it back.

Most of us searching to become Better Men have been down at one time or another. I can bet most have felt like they hit bottom, and it’s during that process of building themselves up when they realize they can build themselves into something better. Yet during this time, our greatest need is simply for hope and guidance. As foolishly as it might sound, I found that guidance in those simple quotes and motivationals online. 

A quote doesn’t tell you anything by itself. It’s just a simple short phrase. But what it does is make you think. You need to interpret it, analyze it, and see how it applies to your own life. A quote doesn’t tell you what to think, it simply points you in the right direction. You learn the lesson on your own. For those reinventing themselves, it gives you enough of a foothold so you don’t slip into old ways, it gives you enough insight into the man you can become to give you hope. So in most of my write-ups, I will include an opening quote that relates to the article, just to set up the tone.

A few months ago, while preparing an article, I found an image that caught my attention. It said “NoMore: Boys will be Boys.” I understood the message. We have too many people excusing inexcusable behavior from men with the phrase “Boys will be Boys”. We have too many men unwilling to grow up into Better men. But something in the back of my mind wouldn’t let go of it. 

That something is my own son. I want him to be a Boy, to enjoy his childhood. Too many of us had to grow up too soon, others never had anyone willing to teach them how to grow up, and so they stumbled. I kept thinking about it. “Let my boy be a boy, but let me teach him how to be a man.”

So I headed out to the un-fringed interweb to find an appropriate image. I knew what I wanted, an image of a Father helping his Boy become a Man; by guidance, by action and by example. And among pictures of kids propped up like manequines next to men with whom they had little in common, beautiful pictures of true gentlemen holding up their baby sons too young to convey the message, and dad/sport coaches; I found it. This inspiring image of a man helping his son put on a tie.

It was perfect for the message. His protective position over his son, as if letting us know how he is willing to shield the boy from the world while showing him how to shape up into a man, his son, beaming with pride as he gets a glimpse of what being a Man is. 

I looked online to find the original poster, hoping and praying it was not some kind of advertising commercial for kids clothing and it was all fake. The image was all over, thanks to Pinterest, and in several Fatherhood blogs, but search as much as I could, I just couldn’t find the Man in the Picture. Seeing how widely used it was, I set off to make my version. The quote worked itself out nicely. 

“Boys will be boys, till someone teaches them to be more.”

So I posted it on my Facebook Page, Twitter, and Pinterest. That was 2 weeks ago, and I had basically forgotten about it. Then it happened. I received a message from the National Council forMen and Boys. They loved the image. 

“Thanking @BeingCaballero for capturing our mission.”

I thought they had found it thanks to my Tweeter. One thing led to another, and I was asked if I was interested in helping out. I was ecstatic. And then the question popped up, could they use the image?  

As much as I wanted to say yes, I told them without the man’s authorization, I just couldn’t agree.

So I headed out in a desperate search for the mystery father, with little hopes of finding him. And again I started hitting dead ends, just like last time. Till later on that night I get an update from another page. THEY POSTED THE IMAGE. It wasn’t a share from my page, but a copy and re-post. Fortunately they didn’t remove the Being Caballero. And it had 17,000 likes and over 3,000 shares!!! And more importantly it had one very important comment.

“I am seeing this picture of my husband and stepson everywhere. Corey Soloman, Look you are posted on the (*page that re-posted image without share).”

FINALLY, a lead! When I looked at the man’s profile, I saw just how popular the image had become. In total, the picture has gotten over 135,500 Likes and 60,000 Shares. And that is just from the more popular sites on Facebook. His reaction and comments where those of a true gentleman.

“But hey, at least Mini Me is getting some shine, lol.”

What was truly amazing was the reaction of people to the image and the message.

“Powerful and very true” 

“Kids turn their dads into men”

“that's what real men do teach boy's to be men”

“nothing like having a Real man teach a Young man how to be a Responsible and Respectful Man.” 

“I have always said that children should be the "upgraded" version of their parents. When my son left home on his wedding day, the last thing I said to him is, "You were a better student in school than I was and you have turned out to be a better man. The only thing left for me to say is to be a better husband.”

That’s when it hit me. I did what I set myself out to do. Create the conversation, make people think, have them look at themselves and shine for others to see. And with a name and a profile, I headed out to contact the Viral Gentleman. I explained everything to him. His reaction?

“Thank you for contacting me back. I had posted a comment under the pic on the (site that reposted*) Page, but no one ever replied to me. No I do not mind at all with my picture being used. It is truly an honor and a humbling feeling to see this pic spread virally and touch so many people.”

"I do want to go on record by saying although our photographer staged this pic of my son and I at my wedding , I do everything in my power to raise him to be a positive, respectful and productive male in today's society. I truly appreciate all the positive feedback from everyone. It's humbling and is confirmation that I'm doing my job as a dad and a father."

If I had created a story in my mind for the man behind the picture, the man that stepped up was just as impressive. And for that I truly thank you.

(PS. I would like to give also a shout out to the artist behind the camera, Anyabwile Love. Without his talent and his eye for composition, this picture would never have been achieved.)