“The True Art” in Living.

The solution to doubt is the invincibility of truth

Don Jerónimo Sánchez de Carranza

Anyone who has studied the combat arts will realize how the very lessons learned in the training hall start seeping into their everyday life. This is especially true to those artists that extended their educating into the philosophies behind their chosen art. I remember a close friend who walked around with a small copy of Sun Tzu’s Art of War in his pocket. I found nothing strange about that as I carried a copy of Miyamoto Musashi’s Book of the Five Rings in my own bag.

It didn’t surprise anyone who knew him when the man who carried the Art of War is now a successful politician.

If you read my previous post “What I learned from a 400 year old book on how to kill a man,” you might have realized I have a soft spot for the classical Spanish Fencing School of “The True Art” (La Verdadera Destreza). Interestingly enough, Miyamoto Musashi and Jerónimo Sánchez, founder of The True Art, were not only contemporaries but both schools of fencing have very similar concepts in their core. Add on the fact that Spain had several cultural ambassadors and merchants in Japan during that time is enough to fuel any historical conspiracist’s wet dreams. But I digress.

As I mentioned, Destreza, and most old combat arts, were not just a combat system, but a way of life, a path. But how do you apply a killing art to civilized living? Let’s look at just a few of the principals promoted within this particular art. 

Self-Control and Self-Discipline are paramount.

Destreza emphasizes on a man’s ability to use reason to suppress any base impulse. That included anger. In reality it actually emphasized suppressing those impulses created by anger. It wasn’t that you shouldn’t be angry, but rather that anger should never let anger control you. A man, like a sword, loses all his worth when they lose their temper. 

Make yourself Present, but not a Target.

Be proud and let the world know where you stand, just be careful that you don’t become arrogant enough that someone will try to take you down. The Diestro’s stance was basically standing straight with his sword straight out. This let any opponent know that to reach the Diestro; they would have to risk his sword first. 

It’s all about creating what opportunities are available.

One of the biggest misconceptions of the Spanish Circle is how the Fencer would stand stationary and only moved within his own circle. This is absolutely false. The Diestro would move around, looking to place himself at an advantage or place his opponent at a disadvantage simply by where he stands. Positioning is crucial in life, more so than the actual attack or defense. Create your own opportunities and control the opportunities that others have simply by where you stand, both physically or socially.

Unreciprocated Love. A Gentleman’s Guide On Friend-Zoning.

The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman’s love with no intention of loving her.

Bob Marley

As the whirlwind of Valentine’s Day dies down, some of you were surprised with the knowledge of someone you didn’t expect has feelings for you. And if you have feelings for them, great. This might mark the start of something more than the friendship it once was. But what if you are not interested in the person past a friendship? What if you don’t want to risk losing what you already have?

And there lies the “FriendZone.”

Plenty has been said about this rather uncomfortable situation, a source of innumerable Memes, where the general assumption is one person wanting a relationship while the other isn’t interested. We have seen plenty of comments and articles from the perspective that of the person friend-zoned should just accept and deal with it. But how can a Gentleman handle this when HE is the one who isn’t interested in a relationship, or at least not with the person who professed their love?

Society has changed and have become a lot more open minded and people tend to have a “take charge” attitude to survive, so a Gentlemen must be willing to understand this and deal with unsolicited approaches from a close friend with the proper attitude and behavior. Women are a lot more willing to let a man know about their feelings and even other men are willing to openly show their romantic interests to a Gentleman. Can we casually dismiss these acts with a “Thanks but no thanks”?

Before you say “Yes,” please take into account the following. It takes a lot of bravery to open up emotionally to someone, especially when you are unsure how they will react. Also consider how people are told that they must “win” over a person, how they must “work” to prove their love or their qualities as a potential partner. Now consider that the person doing this is risking rejection and possibly losing a friend in the process.

That alone takes more bravery to take control of their lives than most people demonstrate in their entire existence, and that alone deserves more respect than “thanks but no thanks.”

With that cleared up, you have to understand that you are not responsible for other people’s emotions. What you ARE responsible is how you handle the situation and how you treat the other person who has just placed themselves in a very vulnerable situation. So with that in mind let’s consider a few things.

There is no hell bad enough for those who lead others on fruitless romantic hopes. That being said, do not get into a relationship you have no intention of having. Consider your words and your actions as you should never give a false hope if you are not interested in the person. Consider how the other person might interpret phrases like “if only I found someone like you” or similar. Consider how the other person might interpret your accepting a gift that basically screams romantic intentions.

Don’t ignore the situation, but also deal with it in a proper manner. Don’t just consider how flattering it is for you, but also how embarrassing it might be for the other person. Please avoid the “you’ll find someone” cliché, as it’s condescending. Avoid complaining to this person about your current relationship, as it just adds salt to the wound. And consider the very real possibility that this person hurts every time you call them “friend.”

The fact that this person IS a friend to you, they deserve all the respect, dignity, understanding, and love you should give a friend.

How A Death Challenged Gender Perspective In Puerto Rico’s Culture

A few days ago (Feb. 8 at 12:54 am), a woman was run over as she was crossing a street. The driver fled the scene. In an Island (Puerto Rico) where the deaths per weekend have been known to reach the double digits, this death might have easily gone unnoticed. Except the woman who died was Ivania Zayas, a local singer/songwriter with a small but loyal fan base, who brought people’s attention to this tragic event in the social media.

However, what brought this into the public eye wasn’t simply the loss of a talented musician to an act of tragedy, but the comments of Félix Bauzó, director of the Homicide Division of Criminal Investigation Corps, who questioned the logic of why Ivania was walking the streets alone at that hour.

“It is unusual for a lady, around 1 am, to be crossing that avenue (65th Infantry) and therefore we have to investigate whether she was alone or accompanied. If she was alone, it is worrisome, if she wasn’t, then it would be interesting to know what they were doing, where they came from, that kind of details.” (Translated from NotiCel)

I think there is no need to explain the nature of this comment as it speaks for itself more clearly than I could ever portray. The comment sparked a social media backlash in the form of the hashtag #AndandoLaCalleSola (Walking the street alone); challenging the idea that a woman walking alone at night is an invitation for violence.

Although Officer Bauzó later retracted his comments, they did give a clear image of the rampant gender stereotyping, sexism, and victim blaming within Puerto Rico’s society. This exposition demonstrates the need to promote an open discussion and education about how society views women and gender stereotypes as a whole. Interestingly enough, in an uncommon act of proactivity, the government is currently developing a program for the Department of Education based on Gender Perspective, by which they will educate our youth about the damages caused by gender stereotyping. Unfortunately, these efforts are being shut down, not by the “Patriarchy” and “Machista” community (not that the machistas mind it being shut down), but by a limited but very aggressive group of religious fundamentalists who view opening the discussion about Gender Perspective as the gate way to the “Gay Agenda.” Interestingly enough over 40 other religious and social organizations have established their support to the project.

And there lies the main problem of our society, a society so willing to cover their ears with their own prejudice, that ignores its reality. A society where religious extremists want to ignore any conversation about sexual orientation and gender discrimination, as if that made the LGBT community and open gender stereotyping to disappear. A society where machistas ignore any conversation about women’s rights and gender equality, as if this created a social reality (that never existed to begin with) where a woman’s role was to serve her husband.

Perspectives should never be ignored just because they are not your own and knowledge should never be suppressed just because it makes you uncomfortable. We owe future generations to provide them with the information, the tools, and the vision to create a better Puerto Rico, and a better world. As a great man once said, “Reasoning doesn’t have a gender.” (La razon no tiene sexo. - Eugenio Maria de Hostos)

This is a topic I have dealt with since I started writing online as can be evident from my first article for GMP, How Macho Culture Sets Men Up to Fail.

I was part of a debate run by Meryland Cuevas on this topic earlier this week for Otros Veinte Pesos, a Spanish speaking site. 

This is the first part of the debate.

And Part 2. Additional information and closing comments.

Chivalry, Far From Dead.

The simple act of paying attention can take you a long way.

Keanu Reeves

Usually I am careful when I use the word Chivalry in a post because this specific word carries a lot of preconceived weight from the reader. When I use the term chivalry, the reader’s own prejudice, based mostly on misunderstandings the concept by some who executed it or by someone who observed it, tend to overwhelm their capacity to view things with an open mind. This becomes evident with men “acting” chivalrous expecting something in return or due to their own sexist attitude. We also see this prejudice present in both women or men who assume these acts, even when done for the right reason, carry a sense of “benevolent sexism” where each gender blames the other for the causes and results of such acts. To both groups I just have one thing to say:

Get over yourself.

It isn’t that chivalry is now a rare thing. You have to understand that it never was that common to begin with. Knightly Chivalry was a thing left only to the knights, the elite warrior class. Noble Chivalry was left only to the nobility. And now Gentlemen Chivalry is something done by Gentlemen. Not everyone is willing to be a Gentleman, so not everyone should be expected to be chivalrous. And that’s ok, because not everyone is really willing to put the effort in leading a less than ordinary life. This is a choice people have to make on their own. 

But there are those who still do expect more from themselves. You see this every day in the random event done without making a big deal about them. There is no bowing, no “milady”, no drama. Just a simple act done in a simple way. And this is the true sign of a Gentleman, those who’s acts of chivalry are as natural to them as breathing is to other men. You see it in the man holding a door open for others simply for no other reason than because he can. You see it in the man who unconsciously walks on the outside of the sidewalk. And you see it in the man who offers his seat in a train, no matter how well known and influential he is.

"Dress: Business Casual"

Costume, hair and makeup can tell you instantly, or at least give you a larger perception of who a character is. It's the first impression that you have of the character before they open their mouth, so it really does establish who they are.

Colleen Atwood

Most articles based on Gentlemanly behavior usually deal with how a gentleman treats ladies or in how a Gentleman treats himself. Today I want to talk about how a Gentleman has an “unfair” advantage in the professional world, starting by the interview process.

A friend asked me to help re-define himself as he wanted to change his professional environment. After years of jeans and work boots, he was ready to move into a slacks and oxfords position, and knowing how that is my “natural habitat” as well as having previously been a team recruiter, he asked for my help.

This article isn’t about how to work the interview process. Resume building I leave to the Technical HR people, as the first screening is actually done by computers looking for key words. This is more about how you present yourself and sell yourself. 

The next step was the obvious review of what we were working with when they looked at the man behind the resume. His social media presence and discretion… Ok, before I continue here I need you to understand the inter-connectivity of modern life. Any professional worth his title knows to Google the people they will meet. So if you think those embarrassing pictures won’t be seen and taken into account when they meet you, you are sadly mistaken. The same goes with any drunk posts, anger filled rants, or any straight white boy texting.

3 hours and about ½ a bottle of scotch later, part of it being him reminiscing his last few years and most of it being me me wondering what he was thinking when he uploaded those pictures or posted those comments, his digital presence was somewhat presentable. With that ready, he sent out his resume.

A couple of days later (thanks to a headhunter), he gets called in for an interview. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that an interview just meant he simply passed the minimum requirements and nothing more. So they send him the meeting invite, which he forwards to me. And that’s where something caught my eye, something that actually promoted this post.

Dress: Business Casual

My first reaction was to wonder what kind of person goes to an executive job interview without Business attire. And then I was suddenly reminded of every half assed professional who had no idea how to project their potential, who thought being “present” was good enough. And that’s when the shark in me smelled blood in the water, as my old aggressive business side crept out. Remember when I said I didn’t have the heart to tell him what passing the resume stage was? I did now. And more…

The reality is that people will size up a person and create an opinion about them somewhere between 30 seconds and two minutes after meeting them. After that, people will gravitate to anything that justifies their preconception, to whatever proves them right. If the person thinks you’re successful, they will willingly look at what proves you’re successful. If a person thinks you’re inept, they will look to be proven right about. Your first impression sets up your subsequent beliefs about a person. So you have about a minute to create an impression and the rest of the time is to cement that impression into the interviewer.

Remember when I mentioned the importance of your social profile? You begin setting up that first impression even before they meet you. And it’s up to you to make that impression memorable after they meet you.

As for the rest of his interview training? Well I believe in discretion and trade secrets so…

Now we wait and see how he measured up against the other candidates.