“Where Have All The Good (Women/Men) Gone?”

Girls dream of meeting superman their whole lives, yet walk past Clark Kent every day.

Unknown

If social comments are to be believed, every single man in existence is a potential predator who has barely any control over his self-destructive bestial nature and every single woman is a soul crushing hell-spawn gold-digger. The results of these attitudes are a culture of men chanting the horrors of marriage and relationships and women shaming men on the horrors of masculinity and guys in general. And it’s easy to believe, as every man has a story about that woman who destroyed them and every woman has a story of a sociopathic guy. Get a bunch of women or men together, bring up the topic, and you will have hours upon hours of pissing contests as each one tries to one-upmanship the other’s horrors.

This conversations, so many times, is followed up with lamentations of “where have all the good women/men gone?”

Why do I bring this up? Because of an image I found online last week. It showed a sequence of pictures of a young man helping out a young woman. And that got me thinking. Almost every guy I know has at one point or another done something like this for a lady. Almost every guy I know has been helped at one point or another by a woman who’s extended their hand to help.

Maybe I have that experience because I surround myself with the right people… so I decided to post it on our Facebook and Twitter pages. The reaction was pretty much the same. My experience wasn’t exclusive to me. Apparently every woman has had those male acquaintances and every man has had those female acquaintances who proves the stereotypes wrong, why do we keep assuming that all men/women are the same, where the same being the lowest common denominator?

Because we have all become school teachers who are no longer interested in their class.

We have all lived through this, that teacher whose rule is that “all pay for that one person who messed up.” Guilt and punishment is socialized equally among a group because of that one asshole. This works in two ways. It basically serves to turn the group into the teacher’s executioners, as they band together to get even with that one person. It also serves to reinforce the idea that students need to constantly look out and condemn the negative behavior of others. There is no recognition or support from the group for positive behavior. Chastising becomes more important than helping.

It isn’t about promoting, or even recognizing, good actions. It’s about keeping bad action at bay by assuming that everyone is bad. This means that those who are genuinely bad people see nothing wrong with their behavior as they are brethren with the rest under a common stereotype. “We all do this. I am just honest enough to admit it” becomes their moto of life. If anything, this makes it harder to spot them.

On the flip side of the coin, the only good that ends up being recognized is that one exceptional person. The problem is that this one extraordinary person ends up being used as an example to shame the rest. “If he/she can do it, so can all of you” becomes a tool to punish the group. By then, everyone knows that being exceptional becomes a problem.

The funny thing is that good actions keep happening; we are just so cut up looking out for the bad ones that we miss the good. Those doing good have been taught to keep it low key as to avoid ridicule from the group. We are so expectant of someone trying to take advantage of each other that we keep missing the good people right in front of us. And when we do see the good, we are constantly expecting the “perfect” to come right around the corner.

For an instant, stop focusing on those who did you wrong, on those who made you lose faith in friends and relationships. Take a moment and think of ever every person who has been there for you, if only for an instant, even if they failed you later on. Think of how many times you took those actions for granted. Think of all the things you’ve done for others, regardless of whether they deserved it or not. Maybe if we, as a society, started focusing on the positive actions of each other and promoting the good amongst ourselves with the same ease we complain about the current state of affairs, we might end up exposing those who do wrong and promoting those who do right. Who knows, we might even help spread doing right as the right thing to do.

A Man’s Worth

Lazy doesn't exist. Lazy is a symptom of something else. The person who can't get up off their butt is just a person who's depressed. It's usually a pervasive lack of self-worth, or a feeling of helplessness.

Jillian Michaels

Anyone who has ever had life insurance will at one time or another joke about the fact that they are probably worth more dead than alive to their family. This might sound funny, till you consider how this question is considered when reviewing possible suspects when dealing with a murder. Is the amount of money you can earn what defines your worth? Or is it more?

If Forbes is to be believed, apparently so, as their list of wealthiest people tends to be phrased as “X person is worth X amount of money.” I refuse to believe this because a man is worth more than that, a lot more. Take a moment and think what you are worth. If you have difficulty finding an answer, think of the question this way instead. If you lost everything, what would you be worth?

People usually don’t consider how easy it is too lose everything. They usually never consider this until it has already happen, as they refuse to see it happening. We see this in the case of a financial disaster, a health crisis, divorce, or a death. At that time it’s when they realize just how ephemeral everything in life is. Your business plan wasn’t as fool proof as you told yourself. Your retirement fund wasn’t as secure as you thought. Your relationship wasn’t as solid as you liked to believe. Your friends were actually your ex-wife’s friends and not yours. You’re children are not necessarily going to outlive you.

It’s at this time you will question what’s your worth. When you lose everything you thought you were, what do you have to offer those around you? If you never took the time to consider what you’re worth, do you think you will be able to do so easily at this time? Think what you can offer, as a person, to those around you. What can you offer your friends when you have nothing to offer? What can you offer yourself?

This is why self-development and self-awareness is so important. What really matters in life, money can’t buy. Sure, it’s easier to cry in a Mercedes than on a bike, but do we really need to measure our worth based on our comfort during our suffering? Can’t we think that we are worth enough to hold our self-esteem and self-worth high, even during suffering?

So, when considering your worth, consider what currency you use to measure yourself. You worth isn’t measured with money, but with character. Your worth isn’t measured in how many acquaintances you have, but how willing are your close friends to be there for you. Your worth isn’t measured on what trips you can pay to take, but how you have grown from those travels. Your worth isn’t measured by how big your house is, but if it's rather a home.

So I ask you again, how much are you worth? The answer is rather simple; as much as you chose to be worth!

Single Gentlemen’s Act Of Guerrilla Valentine

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Phyllis Diller

My post goes out to the young Gents, especially to those single who have no specific person on whom to focus their intent or attentions this coming Saturday, you know, Valentine’s Day. When you have someone special in your life, or at least someone you’re interested in, this day has a specific meaning. But what about those who don’t have anyone at the moment? For you I offer Guerilla Valentine.

Let me make one thing emphatically clear, there is nothing wrong with being single. You don’t need anyone to complete your life, so please avoid “hooking” up with the wrong someone just to avoid spending Valentine’s alone.

During my first year at college, I decided to buy a dozen flowers and hand them out to random ladies in the campus. I will admit that my intention was more along the lines of meeting women than brightening their day. But that year I noticed how the simple surprise of receiving a detail meant so much, especially when the ladies were not expecting anything that day.

The next year, a few of my friends joined me to go out and “Guerrilla Valentine.” We called it like that as it was similar to Guerrilla Warfare, where a small band of soldiers could overcome a larger force thanks to surprise. We did add a couple of simple rules. You would start early in the day, before most Valentine Givers were handing out their gifts, this way the first gift a woman would get was our flower. We would go up to a random woman, hand her a flower, wish her a Happy Valentine’s, and then WALK AWAY. This last step was crucial. This wasn’t about hitting on women, but about spreading as many smiles as possible. That year, three of us gave about 6 dozen flowers.

By the third year, we were about 5 guys and about 12 dozen flowers. By now we had enough flowers that we started handing them out to guys, teachers, and had enough to hand out during our commute home.

Some men assume that Valentine’s Day is a day to show off your skill with a credit card. And to be honest, some women want that. These are exactly the women you want to avoid. Valentine’s is about giving a small detail, a surprise, an instant of affection, to the person close to you. It’s about giving a person a reason to smile, even if you don’t know the person.

So, Gentlemen, if you have nothing planned this week, go out and surprise the hell out of anyone out there. Make it random and make it special. Give people a reason to smile. I can guarantee that if their morning starts out that well, their mood will last the rest of the day.

Why Waste Opportunities?

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gentlemen, be warned. Saint Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. And as with any other year, you will start seeing the constant posts of people raising the topic of how “I’m not into Valentine’s Day, ’cause I’m romantic every day of the year” or how “Valentine’s a commercial holiday created to sell candy." On the other end of the spectrum then you have the guys stopping to buy supermarket flowers  on their way home from work that afternoon. (This is the one day a year that supermarkets are full during the afternoon commute.) And then there are the single people, for whom Valentines is known as “the day before chocolate is at half price.”

I can’t agree with any of these.

Yes, some people are romantic all year round and don’t need a specific day to remind them. But let’s be honest here. If you need to openly state how you are romantic all year round to avoid being a little more romantic one specific day, my bet is you’re not that romantic the rest of the year either. You, my friend, are an apologist.

Valentine's has been commercialized to no end. But it wasn’t created to sell candy. Valentine day falls on the Greco-Roman celebration of Fertility (you needed to "get spring going") and it was during this time that they celebrated the marriage of Zeus and Hera (Month of Gamaleon). Later, this date was given to all Valentinus of Rome, the valiant saints. Since the 13th century, we already have a direct relation between Romantic prose and Valentine’s Day (it takes a Valiant man to prove his love?). So on your excuse of commercialism, I call Bullshit.

What Valentine’s Day give us is an excuse. It’s an excuse to tell the people you care about how important they are. It’s an excuse to treat a friend to lunch. It’s an excuse to risk telling someone how you feel about them. It’s an excuse to remind your partner about all the reason you are with them.

Yes, it’s just an excuse. I don’t know about the rest of you, but the more I look at it, the less it looks like an excuse and the more it looks like an opportunity. It’s an opportunity to do something special for someone special.