Stop Fixing Your Weaknesses

Some time ago I read a story Alejandro Jodorowsky that I wanted to share with you. I haven’t found the original again nor do I remember the title, so the best I can do is retell it to the best of my ability.

A father met with his son’s school teacher after the boy brought home his grades. The child had gotten good marks in art class yet wasn’t doing that great in math. The teacher looks at the worried parent and asked what he intended to do about the situation.

“I plan to find him a math tutor as soon as possible; making him do extra work till he gets great at math.”

The professor looked at the parent stunned.

“Instead, why don’t you find him an art tutor for art and develop the talent your son obviously has! We all have talents, but we shouldn’t be forced to all have the same talents.”

We have no problem understanding that we are all different, that we all have some things we’re each good at and some things we’re bad at. The funny thing is that we focus more on fixing “what’s wrong” rather than working on “what’s right.” We’re sold on the idea that there’s only one way to become successful in life, one single little formula that has been proven true. Then, as with that peg that just won’t fit, we try to hammer ourselves into that mold, only to left wondering why we’re neither successful nor happy.

Instead on trying to “fix” what we’re not so great at, why not focus on what we’re actually good at. Instead of pointing at other peoples flaws as reasons why they won’t succeed, why not point at all their abilities as reasons why they will succeed. Maybe then, people will stop seeing their failures and start seeing their potential.

Dress As You Want To Be Addressed

Dressing well is a form of good manners.

Tom Ford

A couple of weeks ago I headed to look over a few car options as my relocation removed my commuter options of daily travel. At the dealership, I have to admit, the sales clerk did an awesome job in how he treated us. They went above and beyond trying to make the sale, and at the end offered us a wonderful deal with numerous extras. While we were being “wined and dined,” at the same time another couple walked into the dealer. The sales clerk wouldn’t even give them the time of day. The difference between us and that other couple? How we were dressed.

You’ve probably seen this situation if you’re into people watching, if not lived it personally. A person walks into a high-end store and is completely ignored because he’s dress in rather casual attire. A moment later, someone well dressed walks in and the sales clerks magically appear, roll out the red carpet and even bring along appetizers. To the other person, the only thing they brought out, if they bring anything at all, are the cops to escort them out of the store.

Sure, we could call this classism, elitism, or might even bring out the race card into the debate. We’ll see online posts calling out boycotts of the place or making status updates as they feel the need to tell the world how a person’s more than their cloth or their appearance. And they’ll do this in the most arrogant, self-righteous manner, as they cite successful entrepreneurs who’ve made their mark while in worn out jeans and sneakers. What they fail to realize is that the world will treat people the same way that they present themselves to the world. Those successful entrepreneurs in question? Those are the exceptions, not the norm.

Ask any bartender, waiter, or sales clerk.  They know that a person willing to spend the time and money to present themselves properly to the world, AND treats others respectfully, will probably will tip better and will definitely treat the server better. If you want to be treated like you can afford something, shouldn’t it be a good idea to dress like you can afford it? If you want to be taken seriously, shouldn’t you dress like they should take you seriously? How you dress says a lot about your potential; be it to spend or to act.

And this isn’t limited to the service industry. Any situation where you have to deal with others in a social environment, how you present yourself to others will define in what direction the interaction takes. Be it a random conversation, be it a date, or be it an interview.  Clothes might not make the man, but I can guarantee they have gotten many a man a good job. You can achieve anything if you dress properly for it.

The Liberating Beauty “F… It”

Listen, smile, agree and then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway.

Robert Downey Jr.

As I have grown older, and hopefully wiser, I have taken up the task of self-reflection and social observation. As I do this, I am left with a rather interesting thought; I find that I am proving myself to other less and less. What I am not sure about is the “Why.” It could be that I make less mistakes, that I am more considerate of others, or that I hold myself more accountable over my actions. Or it could be that I really stopped giving a f@ck what most people think about me.

I’m pretty sure it’s the latter.

You will find that in your life you feel obligated to prove your opinions to plenty of people around you, some who aren’t even important in your life. Just look at any thread within social media, as people will go virulent on anyone who thinks differently. Other times you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to those closest to you, trying to make them see all that you are willing to do and be in an attempt to receive their approval. The main problem with these actions is that the very person you seek to impress has no intention to see your worth.

You may find yourself in the receiving end of others willing to belittle you; make you feel less than worthy just because they are miserable within their own lives. If they are miserable, EVERYONE has to be miserable.

Others are so convinced that their own way of looking at things is the only way to look at things. They hold their opinions as the only valid truths and try to shove them down the throats of everyone else. Anyone with a different opinion is simply wrong within their eyes.

Still other times, people will make you out to be a bad person simply so they don’t feel guilty about the things they did to you. It’s a lot easier to blame your actions on someone by assuming they deserve it. God forbid they should take responsibility for their own actions.

So, when I take all of these possibilities into account, I have come to the conclusion that people need to be responsible for themselves, and that includes the ignoring all the naysayers and critics. You’re not here to please others but rather to better yourself. If by bettering yourself others are please, great. If not…

Sometimes f@ck it is a perfectly acceptable response.