Proud Mama’s Boy

A man who treats his woman like a princess is proof that he has been raised by a queen.

Wiz Khalifa

In a world where part of what people assume they need to hide part of which they are, resulting in people walking around with social masks. Some of these masks are to protect themselves from being exposed and hurt by others. Other masks are to portray an image they think others will like. The result, either way, is that people are left not knowing what to expect from someone.

This has been a constant topic mentioned by most women I have spoken with, as they don’t know what kind of man they often have before them in social settings. These men present themselves as Gentlemen, yet later on show their true colors as being a lot less. This has led plenty of women to have issues trusting anyone who carries the Gentleman label. Other men present themselves as being stoic or irresponsible or even uncaring, yet when the lady allows them to open up, they are in actuality perfect gentlemen who simply carried their masks as a shield to protect themselves as a result of past heartbreaks.

So this leaves Ladies in a rather confusing situation. Is the gentleman an actual gentleman or simply a wolf in sheep’s clothing? Is he really that bad of a person or is he really just trying to keep safe a heart of gold? There is a simple way to know. It’s just that you need to know where to look. You want to know how a man will treat a woman after all masks and shields fall off? Look at how he treats the one woman who met him before he put on his mask.

Look at how he treats his mother.

Most Gentlemen learn how to behave like warriors and learn the ceremonial side of society from their fathers or male role models. Now days, thanks to the evolution of modern dads, they also learn that life isn’t just work, as they learn to have fun and enjoy life from their fathers as well. That is why I constantly promote the inclusion of a male role model within a boy’s development.

Yet from their mother, they tend to learn how to respect and care for women. Moms become the first woman a man will care for. Here is where he will learn respect and responsibility about words and action done in front of a lady. It doesn’t need to be his biological mother. We see this in men with close relationships with their stepmothers, grandmothers, aunts, or big sister. In her presence, they will carry themselves as they want to be seen by them. And these lessons become engrained within their soul. This is why having a proper female role is so important.

I have noticed this to be a recurring trait among those who live under the Gentleman code. Yes, they might stray from the code during part of their lives, as they forget those lessons at one point or another. Yet these very men, those who have lost their way, will even straighten up with a single though, “what will my mother think.” Ladies, you might at one point or another complain about a gentleman’s mother, but if he treats you with respect and lovingly, this is the woman you should be thanking. She forged that side of his moral structure.

So, if you ever want to know how a man treats women, what he thinks of them, just look at how he treats his mother. You will quite often see that any man, who treats her with respect, will often do the same with you. So next time you wonder about this, see if the gentleman in question is a Proud Mama’s Boy.

The most powerful act…

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Leo Buscaglia

We know that the world needs more compassion, more caring, more helping, more empowering. Part of this might be achieved by simply having less assholes, but the reality is it needs, not just people not doing wrong, but people doing right. And we see it done by people doing great acts of goodness like those who set up shelters and soup kitchens for the needy, and those who help people get back on their feet, those who open up their borders to refugees, for example. But when we see these acts, we end up thinking what can I do when it’s just me?

So the internet says that one man can change the world, that one simple action can save a live. And it all sounds great in theory, yet we end up feeling that we can’t have such an impact in the world, because it’s just us and the world needs a lot of help. We end up doing nothing theory isn’t the same as reality. Can one man do something to help his fellow men with something as simple as a small act of compassion?

Let me tell you about Don Ritchie and “the Gap.”

The Gap is a cliff at Watsons Bay in Australia. Its fame grew, not because of the natural beauty, but because it became a place where, about once a week, someone would go there end their lives. The local authorities tried to deal with the situation by installing security cameras, Lifeline counselling booths, information boards to help organizations, and even a fence to keep people from leaping to their deaths. In most cases, these deterrents did little to solve the problem. There was one thing that did help.

A man armed compassion and a cup of tea.

Don Ritchie, a WWII Naval Veteran and retired insurance agent, lived about 50 meters from the notorious suicide spot since 1964. By 2009, the official tally of people he saved from ending their lives was 164 but at the time of his death in 2012, his close friends actually place that number around 500. For that reason he earned the nickname the “Angel of The Gap.”

Every time he saw a would-be jumper, he would walk up and ask “Is there something I could do to help you?” and promised them a cup of hot tea in his home. Most of these people just needed someone to talk to, someone who listened to them, someone who cares. Ritchie explained his intervention in suicide attempts saying "you can't just sit there and watch them."

“It's important for troubled people to know that there are complete strangers out there, like myself, who are willing and able to help them get through that dark time and to come out on the other side."

During an interview, he explained that he wasn’t haunted by the thoughts of those he couldn’t save. He accepts that there was nothing more he could have done. Instead he focuses his thoughts on those he could save. The most amazing thing about this man is how he kept his own optimism and hope alive while carrying his own battle against cancer for the last few years of his life. When asked what would happen when he was no longer around, the same optimism that guides his compassion shined through as he hopes that “someone else will come along and do what I’ve been doing.”

The reality of a compassionate life isn’t measured by those you couldn’t save, but by those you did. It’s not measured by that huge gesture that went viral, but by all those small acts of kindness. It’s not measured by how much fame you gain, but how many you impact in a small way, every day.

Ok, yes. The world needs less assholes as well.

A Gentleman’s Sport

Win like a man. Lose like a man. You know what's worse than a loser? Someone who won't admit he played it wrong.

Kevin Spacey (21)

I have mentioned my grandfather several times within this blog as an influential mentor and my first guide to the lifestyle of the old school gentleman. I have also mentioned how gambling was something done openly as it was legal and part of his business. There were plenty of times when he would take me with him as he conducted his business, as he wanted me to see how a gentleman conducted himself within society. 

Other than the usual places you's expect to go when running a restaurant/bar, he would take me to some rather "colorful" places. The first place we would frequent was the horse track, as he rented a space for a legal betting shop within his building. The second was the local cock fighting arena as one of his hobbies was breeding fighting cocks.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that my mother probably had no idea the places where my grandfather was taking me. Then again, what can you really expect from the owner of a bar looking over his grandson. No wonder why the first lesson he taught me was that gentlemen have tight lips.

Whenever my grandfather mentioned the cock fighting arena, he would speak of it as “the gentleman’s sport.” He would make me dress up, as he wore his finest guayabera, every time we headed off to the Arena.  As a kid you learn that dressing up meant you had to be in your best behavior.

Before you make a judgment call on cock fighting, let me make it clear, this isn’t a story about that. As I have grown older, my opinion on this cultural aspect of my youth has changed, but I’m not here to moralize about those topics.

There I saw my grandfather win and lose, always with a smile and with dignity, never changing his demeanor. No matter the chaos happening around us, he would never lose his cool. Once, he let me call the bet. As I got excited because I won, he simply placed his hand on my shoulder and in a low voice told me to control myself.

“Remember that every time you win, someone else lost. Don’t make them feel any worse.”

Later on that day, I asked him to let me place another bet as I was feeling rather lucky already. That time I lost, and reacted just as would be expected from a young boy. Again, he placed his hand on my shoulder and laid some more wisdom on me.

“When you play, you always risk losing. Don’t let your loss tarnish another person’s win.”

In his eyes, gambling was a “gentleman’s sport,” and in a way he was right. A couple words and a handshake is all it takes to make an agreement more binding than any piece of paper, as your word becomes your bond. You accept accountability for your actions and decisions. You learned to keep your cool under pressure. Winning or losing with dignity becomes how you showed respect to the other person involved in the wager. And isn’t that an integral part of being a Gentleman? How else would you call a man who’s able to keep his word and control his emotions, one who’s accountable for his actions and conscious of others fortune?

Just make sure that if you have to bet, bet on yourself no matter the odds.

A Magnificent Bastard

If you're a wolf, be a wolf… Real men don't play games or need to lie in order to get something from a woman. Man up. Be honest. Be real and make your intentions for the relationship clear from the beginning.

Brandon Alexander, New Age Gents

When you think of a Gentleman, you think of a good man who’s dedicated to positive endeavors, has impeccable manners, dresses to impress, and has sworn his undying love to a single person. This is true, that man probably is a Gentleman, but not all gentlemen are like that.

I have met gentlemen who don’t focus on social justice, they just make sure not to hurt others and that’s more than enough for them. I have met gentlemen who don’t know the nuances of social etiquette, yet their attention for others more than compensate for that lack of education. I have met blue collar gentlemen, and have met gents who have no interest in establishing any formal relationship. I have even met gentlemen who exemplify the Gentleman-Rogue, and being a rogue doesn’t make them any less of a gentleman. Gentlemen are defined by their honorable acts and honesty of self, so how can you say that a man who is open and honest about not being a “good” man be considered any less of a gentleman?

All too often men assume that they have to lie about who they are, as they walk around as wolves in sheep’s clothing. They assume that they must play “the game” as the only way to live is by manipulating others. Many actually believe they ARE good men, rationalizing why they would stab someone in the back.

But what if you didn’t need to stab someone in the back, to manipulate others, to live a hypocritical “good” life, one you truly don’t believe in? Doing good acts that you don’t believe in, just to impress others is, in truth, lying to those around you. That’s little more than an open manipulation of those around you. Why not simply be honest? Why not drop the sheep’s cloak and be the man you are?

This attitude is nothing new as every society has had its share of Gentlemen Rogues and Lotharios who live under an informal code based on the ideals of “Honor among Thieves.” Not every man is looking to save the world nor is looking for the love of his life. Some men are just looking to carve a nook for themselves and those around them. Some men are just looking to find that special person for that one night. Some men who think like this have the balls to be honest about it.

And isn’t that in a way respectable? No games, nor lies, just a wolf who isn’t ashamed of being a wolf. A man who will openly speak of his intentions, one who lays his cards on the table, one who isn’t afraid standing before you with a sword drawn when he calls you out, one who openly speaks his mind. In a way, these men are viewed as a lot more dangerous by society, as they let everyone know about another way of living, as they have little interests in impressing others as they live in honest addition of who they are, while holding themselves up to a strict personal code of honor. These are the men who are wrong in all the right ways. People might think of them as bastards, but they are Magnificent Bastards.