In soft regions are born soft men.
Herodotus
A few days ago, a video popped up
within my media feed, an editorial closing, posing a question that keeps
popping up, especially from the lips of women; “Have men become too soft?”
The presenter mentioned several
causes for the rise of these “soft” men. Was it the wussification of men, as so
many want to allege? Maybe everything would be solved if we could just get men
to toughen up. Was it the demonization of masculinity so badly that being a man
is now shameful? Maybe everything would be solved if men would start being
proud of being manly. I don’t think either attitude will solve the issue.
At the end, she did mention what
could be the key cause and actual solution to the problem. “Teach your sons to
be men, because the women of the world are tired of the boys.” The problem was
that for the longest time, society was in such a hurry to make men out of boys,
that we never taught boys how to be men.
Consider that for the last couple of
decades, men were told that their value as men rested on being better than
other men. It rested on having financial stability through a good job; proven
to the world through an expensive car and a nice house. It rested on how many
women they can sleep. It rested in being able to get a beautiful wife when they
finally decided to settled down. Then, it’s rested on having a family they can
show off. Just consider at how we portray politicians and successful men. They
stand proudly as their wife and kids become decoration around them, as proof of
their stability. In the backdrop, we see either their homes or cars as prove of
their wealth. The entirety of this kind of manhood rested on such a fragile
foundation made up of external factors that even the most simplest of things caused
their world to tumble down. This lead too many men into feel a sense of
obsoleteness as soon as life threw them a curve ball.
If someone faster or stronger than
him shows up, he’s no longer a man. If he became unemployed and loses his
financial stability, he he’s no longer a man. If he gets shot down by a woman,
he’s no longer a man. If his kids didn’t measure up to his expectations, he’s
no longer a man. When you think about it, under this mentality, those things
that “make him a man,” are also the biggest threat to his ideal of manhood.
Unemployment, failure, divorce, “disappointing kids,” or simply being told “no”
by a woman become a direct assault on their masculinity.
As a response to this attitude, we demonized
manhood, or at least what was sold to us as manhood for the last few decades.
Society went off chanting the damage these expectations placed on men, as we
blamed everything on toxic masculinity. We did our best to swing the pendulum of
manhood as far away as possible from the old traditions. And as the pendulum started to sway away from
this previous mindset, we began to praise any man who did things previously
considered manly, followed up by shaming any man who expressed interest in any
form of traditional masculinity. It was as if to avoid being a slave to
masculinity, we now became slaves to “anti-masculinity.” Social media became
flooded with men screaming “look at how sensitive I am” as if it proved to the
world how they broke free from the bonds of manhood. At the same time, chivalry,
and any other idea traditionally tied to masculinity, was shamed as sexist, at
best, or toxic, at worse.
And then, slowly but surely, it
happened.
We realized that we almost killed
off what made men valuable within society and what made men of value. If before
we taught men to be ethically infant brutes, now we created ethically infant
milksops. We told men that the old traditions of honor and chivalry were
harmful, and then wonder why men today feel like they have no purpose. We
ridiculed the importance of honor, and wonder why we have men without loyalty.
We demonized strength and wonder why men today have no valor. We, pretty much,
castrated men as we told them how masculinity was bad, and then wonder where
all the “real men” are.
In our haste to make men out of
boys, we failed them twice. The first time, we failed them by creating brutes
without humility, as we forgot to teach them character every time we taught
them the value of strength. Then, in our attempt to fix it, we created sensitive
men who were little more than useless as soon they faced a challenge. We forgot
to teach them the value of determination and valor when we taught them about
compassion. As some men grew disenchanted with society constantly telling them
what it means to be a man, we’re now having to deal with a third group; men who
are brutes in times of peace yet cowards in times of conflict, the worst of
both worlds.
But fortunately, all is not lost.
Just as there has been a rise in
true Strong Independent Women, men have been developing our own counterpart. We
are witnessing a rise in men who’ve taken it upon themselves to bring back the
old lessons personal character, to teach themselves how to be better men. These
men realized that the problem wasn’t masculinity but rather everything that was
edited out of masculinity. The solution didn’t lie in dismissing the lessons
learned from the past, but rather taking the best lessons from the past while
embracing the world of the present. Instead of ending up with the worst of both
worlds, we began to strive for the best of both worlds.
In this process, men have begun to
realize what manhood truly meant. It’s not about proving you’re better than
other men, but about striving to be better than the man you were before. It’s
about being able to stand before a challenge and push yourself. It’s not about
making money, but about making a difference. It’s not about having a job, but
about having the work ethic to get things done. It’s not about owning a house or
having a wife and family. It’s about making a home, being a good husband and an
involved dad.
Men have realized that it’s you
should never become either a brute or a meek man exclusively. Instead, we are
now seeing men who used to be brutes, yet strive to find their compassion and humility.
We see men who used to be meek developing their determination and being
empowered by the strength that comes from valor. It’s about growing stronger
AND softer, and yet never compromising either. These men have taught themselves
these lessons, and more importantly, are teaching these lessons to the next
generation of men. And for the first time in a long time, we are seeing a
rebirth of mentorship, as society is finally waking up to the importance of men
becoming proper role models for boys, as they teach through example.
For now, we are few, but every day
we are more. We are the modern Lancelots and Galahads, the new errant knights,
who realized that we could be more than what society sold to us as manhood. We
are the new philosophers, poets, and the warriors, as we try to bring back
honor by reforging masculinity. We are the new Gentlemen of the Modern World.
And to the ladies having a hard time
finding us, the worthwhile men … If it’s any consolation, men are having just a
hard time trying to find the worthwhile ladies as well. Quality isn’t that common.
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